I didn’t have much of a choice. Girlfriend, now wife, pitches, I’ll let you raise our future kids Jewish if we raise them pescatarian. Jesus was the original super Jew, sold.
Scientifically, the Pescatarian Diet has been proven to be the healthiest diet for guys who’d rather nosh on primo smoke salmon than burp up fish oil supplement residue.
The Pescatarian diet is like the Mediterranean Diet. Without fussing over whether you fry up your Greek Omelette in butter over olive oil compared to your little Greek Landlord. Who doesn’t have much leaning in his favor.
If I dare to cook a lamb burger at home. My kids yell yuck, yuck. So I outshine mommy in the kitchen with my Mexican Lasagna mixed with my homemade salsa on top of corn tortillas so my wife feels beneath me.
My wife can’t hide her dejected disgust whenever the 1st bites of my veggie casserole supreme prompt my kids to launch into their fabled yummy dance. Whizzing around the room yelling best daddy ever, best daddy ever.
Complex Carbs like whole grain animal crackers suck. If it tastes like shit, it’s shit. Nothing complex to comprehend here.
Arugula greens take my late night grill cheese sessions higher. Plus, the next morning I don’t feel so bitter about my mom raising a fat fuck on pure P&J’s alone.
My anti-oxidant rich kids never get sick. Unless my parents just wrapped up their annual visit. Apparently, good strawberries and baby spinach are harder to find in Scottsdale, Arizona than fat MILFs.
I’m a smoothie no hemp powder lover. Hemp Powder is Indigo Girls performing naked gross. Trust me.
No Peanuts at school. One of the kids is allergic. No Snoopy shirts either? Arthur loves his snoopy shirt where Snoopy is sporting an Uncle Sam hat. Let me guess. It’s too military recruiter pushy for the parent’s taste.
There’s a kid allergic to peanuts. So sorry. Arthur isn’t itching to watch a Charlie Brown Thanksgiving again either. Or he’ll break down into non-laughing hysterics.
Agave isn’t so sweet like my mother in law. It’s no “wow” worthy sub for honey. Agave is like Sammy Hagar’s tequila. It goes down Van Halen light. Got it good.
In defense of fish, you’re gross forever admitting to liking Pop Tarts Jim Gaffigan. Fun Dip packs more hefty flavor. Your joke servings are so edgy, edgy, edgy.
Greek Yogurt has double the protein of regular yogurt. So that’s why my little Greek landlord can bench press twice his weight easy.
Jenna Jameson does the Keto diet good. She’s dropped crazy weight. Plus, Jenna was a real porn star. Calling Stormy Daniels one is like relegating Lexington Steele to a mere sideline freak.
This old daddy likes it raw. Red bell peppers dipped in homemade ranch is healthier than dipping into murkier, old dirty ho traps at the club.
Cauliflower or cat piss? That is the question. Before you cook it of course.
So you give up chicken parm for shrimp parm. Rocky gave up egg and cheeses when he trained to fight Apollo. You are what you eat fellas. So are you chicken shit or not?
—
The Good Men Project is different from most media companies. We are a “participatory media company”—which means we don’t just have content you read and share and comment on but it means we have multiple ways you can actively be a part of the conversation. As you become a deeper part of the conversation—The Conversation No One Else is Having—you will learn all of the ways we support our Writers’ Community—community FB groups, weekly conference calls, classes in writing, editing platform building and How to Create Social Change.
◊♦◊
Here are more ways to become a part of The Good Men Project community:
Request to join our private Facebook Group for Writers—it’s like our virtual newsroom where you connect with editors and other writers about issues and ideas.
Click here to become a Premium Member of The Good Men Project Community. Have access to these benefits:
- Get access to an exclusive “Members Only” Group on Facebook
- Join our Social Interest Groups—weekly calls about topics of interest in today’s world
- View the website with no ads
- Get free access to classes, workshops, and exclusive events
- Be invited to an exclusive weekly “Call with the Publisher” with other Premium Members
- Commenting badge.
Are you stuck on what to write? Sign up for our Writing Prompts emails, you’ll get ideas directly from our editors every Monday and Thursday. If you already have a final draft, then click below to send your post through our submission system.
If you are already working with an editor at GMP, please be sure to name that person. If you are not currently working with a GMP editor, one will be assigned to you.
◊♦◊
Are you a first-time contributor to The Good Men Project? Submit here:
◊♦◊
Have you contributed before and have a Submittable account? Use our Quick Submit link here:
◊♦◊
Do you have previously published work that you would like to syndicate on The Good Men Project? Click here:
Join our exclusive weekly “Call with the Publisher” — where community members are encouraged to discuss the issues of the week, get story ideas, meet other members and get known for their ideas? To get the call-in information, either join as a member or wait until you get a post published with us. Here are some examples of what we talk about on the calls.
Want to learn practical skills about how to be a better Writer, Editor or Platform Builder? Want to be a Rising Star in Media? Want to learn how to Create Social Change? We have classes in all of those areas.
While you’re at it, get connected with our social media:
- To join our Facebook Page, go here.
- To sign up for our email newsletter, go here.
- To follow The Good Men Project on Twitter, go here.
◊♦◊
However, you engage with The Good Men Project—you can help lead this conversation about the changing roles of men in the 21st century. Join us!
◊♦◊
We have pioneered the largest worldwide conversation about what it means to be a good man in the 21st century. Your support of our work is inspiring and invaluable.
The Good Men Project is an Amazon.com affiliate. If you shop via THIS LINK, we will get a small commission and you will be supporting our Mission while still getting the quality products you would have purchased, anyway! Thank you for your continued support!
—
Originally published on Do It All Dad Year
—
Photo by Jakub Kapusnak on Unsplash