Question: When the cat is away, this little mouse likes to play. When my husband is away, I hook up with my ex-boyfriend. I know it is wrong but I just can’t stop doing it. I have tried to cut him off but the sex with my husband is mediocre and the sex with my ex is mindblowing! I have heard of the 80/20 solution and I feel like this is it. Together, I have a 100% of what I want but if I get rid of one or the other, I am miserable. What should I do? –
Answer: Love, first I want to say that I don’t judge you for having multiple partners. I even honor you for creating a situation where you have 100% of what you desire.
Yet may I be straight?
You say you just can’t stop, but you can, you’re choosing not to.
You say you’ve tried to cut him off, but frankly my love I hear you, yet don’t believe you.
You’re probably telling me to screw off right now… that’s OK… coaching isn’t always about rainbows and bunny rabbits. The biggest gift I can be is honest and fiercely loving.
I invite you to slow you down long enough to really feeeeeeeel how your husband would feel if he found out. Now maybe I’m totally wrong and he has a girlfriend on the side too, yet I don’t think so, otherwise you wouldn’t feel wrong about this, am I right?
Something’s out of integrity. Something’s out of balance. It’s like you’re addicted to the pleasure and resisting the pain of expressing your truth and it’s keeping you in this pattern that could honestly quickly blow up in your face.
It’s possible that your true values are one of multiple partners and you’re out of integrity in a traditional marriage… and what needs to occur is an honest conversation about an open marriage with your SELF until you come to peace inside your heart… AND/OR a conversation with your husband.
I invite you to come to terms with what’s true for you. Stop judging yourself, please be kind to yourself, let go of tradition, society’s expectations and religious judgments. Check in if it’s true for you to have two lovers.
The turmoil you are in tells me you haven’t discovered both the advantage and disadvantage of monogamy. Or the advantage and disadvantage of multiple partners. Look at everything from every angle, even the counter intuitive ones. What is the advantage and disadvantage of loyalty… AND what is the advantage and disadvantage of not being loyal?
You see, many times people think that being selfish is bad.
But I’ve seen many selfless doormats who are deeply abused.
Many people think that loyalty is good.
Yet I’ve seen many women (and men) stay in a physically and emotionally abusive relationships… broken bones, concussions to the Soul, even death.
Truly this is an invitation for more than just a quick answer on the Good Men Project 🙂 This is a very deep soulful question to ask yourself and to get into alignment with what you truly value before somebody’s heart gets hurt.
I would never tell you what to do, I only seek to inspire you to live in alignment with your values regardless of what anybody thinks about it. It’s your life. I ask that you have the courage and bravery to do your inner work before your husband potentially gets his heart broken.
Also, please stay out of conclusion of how ‘Living your truth’ is going to be received. It’s totally possible that your husband would be relieved because he doesn’t think the sex is all that great either! And he’s actually has been having his eye on the cutie barista down at the corner!
Anything is possible my love 😉
First start with the deep inner work and then watch how everything unfolds with Grace. I recommend you get to a totally balanced centered heart open place where you can honestly say you are at peace with your choice and doing so without telling him is an expanding contribution to your marriage.
It’s rare but I HAVE coached people in North America, Europe and Australia where this is the case. As I said, anything is possible from Presence, Truth and Honor of Self.
I would be honored to guide you on that powerful journey. You can apply for a complementary session with me at www.allanapratt.com/connect.
And immediately you can learn more about my work in my awesome Complementary Conscious Relationship Online Workshop that’s coming up the first week of December.
All you need to do is Register now for free at www.allanapratt.com/soul-shaking
I sense you need someone to have your back without judgment, so that you can feel all the way to the core… through the places of discomfort and potentially pain… to the bottom where your truth resides.
You can do this. All my love, Allana
p.s. Gentlemen…End the Fear of Rejection.
Enjoy your “How To Be A Noble Badass” Complementary Training at www.GetHerToSayYes.com
Ladies…Be irresistible. Feel sacred. Attract him now.
Enjoy your “Vulnerability is the New Sexy” Complementary Training at www.AllanaPratt.com
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