My spiritual journey over the past few months has been, for lack of a better word, ridiculous. Sometimes I am a “friend” and sometimes I get looked at by families as the devil. Sometimes I am happily referred to as a witch or a psychic and other times stared at for not fitting into a box.
I don’t fit in a box. Never did. It is the reason why I have always found much of the United States confining and controlling. The purpose of the spiritual journey is to free your soul to be authentically who you are.
Yet, given the rise of spirituality and a world wide process of awakening, there is a human need to categorize people. Unfortunately for me, if you look at my astrology chart, you will see that my spiritual journey is supposed to involve being alone much of the time AND has a huge opportunity for leadership. There is also an opportunity for ascension (if you believe in that) but, as I have to remind myself on a daily basis, I’m not in charge of whether that happens or not. Learning to let go and flow with the divine feminine energy has been extremely difficult but it would have been easier had I understood that the people I allow into my life or the people I allow to touch my body would have a tremendous impact on my spiritual development.
There has been so much learning the past 18 months and I continue to be blown away by how much love I have felt and how my journey has unfolded in unexpected ways. By this point, I thought I would meet “the one” but I’ve learned that “the one” shows up in the body of different persons and will not likely commit until I am the one who is ready.
I still have a lot of spiritual work to do. But that work now is to try to find joy and recognize that, sometimes, you need more than one round of healing on the same issues to truly become who you authentically are.
My version of joy does not include ice cream, traditional family, or kayaking. It includes dance parties, tango, wine, an occasional bourdon or Negroni, and lots of time eating food with amazing people. If you are single, this transition into a new world has been far more difficult and not all of us have had the support needed to face the world’s new challenges. For others, this time has become a welcome respite and much needed time to reconnect in our relationships.
My heart, however, continues to go out to souls, like me, who have very few healthy family connections or are in the middle of the part of the spiritual journey where all your contacts and friends begin to disappear so you can invite something new into your life. The void in between the old and new is scary and it is a place that I have been sitting for quite some time.
If you don’t feel like hanging out with your two best friends, going on that date, or feeling like being alone is no longer allowed — I hear you and understand. The world changed suddenly, or so it seems, and many of us are struggling more than we care to admit.
Whenever I speak about my challenges or open up and be vulnerable (which is something I would never do years ago), I receive kind words. Yet, I can count on one hand the number of people whose behavior matches those words.
And that is the learning that is needed now.
As the little girl who was made fun of for writing love notes and as the young woman who took care of everyone else at the expense of her own soul, it is really hard to come to the realization that not everyone you have cared about through the years is capable of providing what it is that you truly need to thrive. That is what these times are about — choosing to spend time with people who uplift your energy and see the real you and letting go of anyone and anything else that no longer serves.
Spiritual death is a painful process and, frankly, I don’t think many men truly understand how much more difficult the process can be for a woman. The language on Facebook or Instagram that men share about you being intelligent or that you will figure it out pales in comparison to the grief and the pain that needs to be purged for women to move forward on their journeys. Thousands of years of persecution, fear and oppression mean that many of us can get stuck trying to speak our truth in ways that lead to more connection with others.
Women on the journey really do need more action than kind words and believe that this needs to be a conversation that needs to happen in all spiritual communities. What can I do for you over the expression of “light and love” will be needed to help all of us to ascend to a higher place of beauty and compassion.
The other difference that drives me crazy is the continued recommendation for plant based medicine. Sometimes we need to pause and work on the material plane rather than continue to experience bliss outside of our bodies. Personally, I don’t want to do more plant based medicine and continue my spiritual journey right now.
My business and my life took a massive hit during COVID and, like you, I need time to focus on healing these aspects of my life before continuing on my path. We don’t talk about this enough and I believe that if we are transitioning to trying to have heaven on earth, then we all need to learn to love the material world rather than dismissing it. That means we all need to learn to love our feminine energies and that is not an easy thing to heal.
The material plane can be beautiful if we know how to manifest what it is we want. That does mean choosing YOU first and purging anything and everyone who energetically is not a fit with your body, your life and your energy. Be spiritually rebellious and move toward embodying something beautiful rather than arguing that all material possessions mean that you are no longer a spiritual being. Find your own way to integrate your lessons and trust that, even if you are on your own path, there is a profound reason for it.
The material world is all feminine. The feminine engergy makes the non-manifest, manifest. So even men (are of the feminine energy). We have to relinquish our ideas of gender in the conventional sense. This has nothing to do with gender, it has to do with energy. So feminine energy is what creates and allows anything which is non-manifest, like an idea, to come into form, into being, to be born. All that we experience in the world around us, absolutely everything (is feminine energy). The only way that anything exists is through the feminine force. — Zeena Schreck
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Previously Published on Medium
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