We often go through our daily lives avoiding different uncomfortable emotions that we experience.
Anger, sadness, fear, anxiety, frustration… We often put them aside as they might be perceived as inconvenient or even wrong.
However, whenever we avoid these emotions, we are negating parts of ourselves. Even if we don’t like them, they are still parts of us that unless we embrace them.
If we ignore them, we won’t live a full version of our authentic selves and we won’t be able to live a truly delicious, juicy life.
The dangers of rejecting our dark side
A few weeks ago, I came across a visualization exercise in which I had to picture five people with whom I was angry. I was letting anything that first came to my mind be the answer during the exercise, and I was surprised who actually came up in my mind as well as how angry I was with each of them.
Then a few days later after the exercise, synchronically, my coach actually prepared exercises to work on anger. He helped me realize not only how disconnected and numbed I was with my anger, but that behind the anger were the unmet needs that have been neglected and invalidated for a long time.
I’ve realized how I was invalidating my own needs all this time, as I’ve internalized them as inconvenient or wrong. Invalidating them led to anger, but I was also invalidating my own anger as wrong that I became so disconnected and unaware of it.
However, anything we repress would find its way to manifest in our lives, in ways that we are not even aware of.
I often found myself feeling upset with others whenever they invalidated my needs and how I felt, by telling me how I shouldn’t feel certain ways or how I should be stronger. However, like them, I was invalidating myself by doubting the validity of my needs and feelings. I was often questioning if I was wrong to feel the way I feel and if I was right to have those very needs.
In time, this led to a lack of confidence and feeling uncomfortable in my own skin, especially in the presence of others. I often found myself wondering what other people might perceive me. Whether or not I actually took their perception into consideration, I was still stressing about potentially not being liked.
What happens when we reclaim our dark side
It wasn’t the typical confidence tips that helped me regain my confidence back. As soon as I’ve realized the pattern of invalidating my own needs and desires, my confidence boosted and I’ve been feeling more comfortable to be myself, around others or not.
Life becomes juicier the moment we reclaim this rejected part of ourselves. We become more unapologetically authentic with ourselves and others.
When we are more aware and in tune with our real needs and desires, we are also more protected from the influence of other people on us. For example, if a salesperson tries to assertively sell you something, instead of being persuaded to think how you might need what they are selling, you assertively say no as you know what you really want and are not uncomfortable that your own desires are not in conformity with what other people think you should want.
We are also more in tune with our internal guidance and intuition, becoming more confident to trust ourselves instead of worrying about what is the right thing or wrong thing to do.
By accepting all of ourselves, we become more aware of our own patterns and we are more able to work on and overcome inner wounds and programming. We become more capable of setting and reinforcing healthy boundaries with ourselves and in our relationships.
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Even if it’s uncomfortable, and even if it might seem wrong, embracing our dark side is crucial. There is no real right or wrong needs or emotions and their validity is often subjective. However, our needs, emotions and desires are very real inside each of us, and when we fully embrace them and reclaim them as part of ourselves, we give ourselves the permission to live a truly delicious and fulfilling life.
What is it that you yearn for, and desire the most?
Sit with your emotions and dark side, and find that out. Then, you’ll find out the spark that has been asleep inside you for so long; and that spark that attracts the right people who can love and appreciate you for the real, complete you.
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Mónica Valverde is a daydreamer navigating the experience of human life. In love with Spirituality, Inner Work and Relationships.
You can check out my featured stories here:
How to Manifest What We Desire While Enjoying the Process
How to Make Most of Tips and Advice
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This post was previously published on medium.com.
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