It’s never easy to lose a loved one. Whether it’s a parent, a spouse, or a close relative, there are so many things to deal with that it can feel overwhelming. It can feel even more impossible to deal with when that death happens unexpectedly or quickly.
Unfortunately, those things do happen. At any moment, a beloved family member could get in an accident that jeopardizes their life. They could be diagnosed with a terminal illness.
While you might feel strained and defeated by the idea of someone you love dying – especially when you think it’s before their time – the best thing you can do is to step up and prepare their end-of-life planning for them.
That starts by talking to your family about it. If you think the idea of losing a loved one is difficult for you, consider how it’s going to affect your children. While you certainly don’t have to cope with this on your own, it’s important to make sure your kids can handle it from an emotional standpoint. You need to be their support system, at least for now.
But, what about the family member, themselves? How can you help them to better prepare for their end of life?
End of Life Care
If your family member has a serious injury or chronic illness, your priority is to provide them with the care they need. Sometimes, that may be out of your comfort zone or out of your skillset. There are a few things you can do on your own that will show your loved one you support and care for them while providing closure to you both. A few simple-yet-effective care suggestions include:
- Keeping them in a comfortable bed
- Making sure they’re warm enough
- Combing their hair
- Talking about your life together
When someone is dying, they know it. You don’t need to sugarcoat things with your conversations. Instead, make them comfortable and take their mind off the inevitable.
If things feel like too much for you to handle on your own, consider hiring an in-home nurse or caregiver. Or, speak with your family member’s doctor or specialist via video. The practice of telehealth has become increasingly popular in recent years. It’s especially beneficial for people with chronic illnesses or mobility issues who aren’t able to go to a physician’s office in person.
Finances
Finances aren’t always easy to talk about in life, and they certainly aren’t easy in death. After all, you would much rather have your family member stay with you than have to figure out how to manage their money when they pass.
But, discussing your family member’s finances will ensure you know of everything they have, and where they want it to go. That includes estate planning. It’s important to know what you should do with your loved one’s home if they don’t live with you. Ask them questions about their assets, who they might want the home to go to, or how they would want the money to be dispersed if the property is sold.
Not everyone has a will in place, especially if they’re younger and didn’t expect to receive a terminal diagnosis. While working quickly with a lawyer can help your loved one get something legally drafted, it’s also important that you’re given power of attorney over their assets.
If they have a condition that will continue to get worse, there may come a time when they aren’t able to verbalize things. Knowing you have a say in their finances will make you both feel more comfortable. It can also help you to avoid any disagreements or frustrations from other family members who might be overly concerned about handling those finances once the person passes.
Understanding Your Loved One’s Wishes
Perhaps the most important thing you can do to prepare a family member for their end of life is to make sure you know their wishes. Again, it’s not easy to have any kind of conversation that suggests they’re going to die. But, when things are inevitable, having those important discussions will make a big difference.
People who discuss their end-of-life wishes are less likely to “burden” family members. They’re also less likely to die in a hospital when they want to stay in the comfort of their home. If you’re having a hard time encouraging the conversation about their wishes, try to bring up some of the following questions:
- “What matters most to you at the end of your life?”
- “What type of treatment do you want?”
- “Do you want to go to a hospital if things get bad?”
- “Do you want to be revived?”
- “How involved do you want to be in your treatment decisions?”
If you’re still having trouble coming up with talking points, don’t put extra pressure on yourself. Take some time to think about what you want to say and what you want to ask. This type of conversation shouldn’t be rushed. Instead, focus on it being as meaningful and fulfilling as possible for both of you.
You could even encourage your loved one to write in a journal or write a letter with their thoughts and wishes. Sometimes, writing things down makes it easier to get them out. If they choose to write in a journal, you’ll have something to keep with you well beyond their passing that can help you and other family members work through the grieving process.
When someone you love is dying, it might take every bit of strength you have to keep it together. But, your focus needs to remain on your family, and that person. It’s about them, their comfort, and making sure their wishes are met until the moment they leave this earth.
Utilize these suggestions to prepare yourself, your family, and your loved one at the end of their life to make things as easy as possible for everyone. In doing so, you can feel a sense of peace after they pass, knowing you did everything you could to prepare them for a tranquil transition.
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