Relationships are at the heart of human experience, yet they can be challenging to navigate. Whether it’s with family, friends, or romantic partners, we all want to cultivate meaningful and fulfilling connections with the people in our lives.
But building and maintaining healthy relationships can be challenging, especially when we’re busy with our daily lives.
Today, we’ll explore four simple but effective changes that you can make to improve your ability to create better relationships.
By making these simple, small changes, you’ll be able to build stronger connections with the people around you and experience more happiness and fulfillment in your relationships. So, let’s get started!
Don’t impose your unrealistic ideals on others.
Do you ever find yourself feeling very disappointed in a partner, friend, or family member?
Let’s be honest, most of us do.
As soon as our friends, partners, or family members fall short of even the smallest idea of what we expect them to be, do, or accomplish, a sense of disappointment rears its ugly head in our minds and hearts.
Because we sometimes expect way too much from others. Especially when we expect a romantic partner to be a better half that completes our souls, act in ways that strip others of their autonomy, expect others to narrow their worlds for us, or live up to our unrealistic fantasies.
Most of us grew up with parents, guardians, teachers, and elders who all had high standards and expectations of us — and sadly, as a result, many of us end up developing into adults who have high expectations for themselves and expectations that are as high or higher for others, including our partners, friends, colleagues, etc.
Someone might innocently expect a partner to agree with her, if not all the time, at least some of the time. She has grown to believe that her partner will support her the majority of the time, whether that support is in her overall worldview, decisions about money, the kids, or how to spend her time.
And it’s easy to feel dismayed and wallow in disappointment in the wake of the realization that her partner takes the polar opposite side of her views or whatever.
The thing is, even though it isn’t necessarily a bad thing to have some standards or expectations for your relationship with others, it’s so easy to slide into overly unrealistic expectations that’ll diminish the bond you share with people you hold dear and strain your relationship with them.
We don’t have to be so bent on creating mental narratives of what or how other people should do, act, or behave. Because it’s okay for people not to live up to the standards we set for them in our minds. And it’s only human for us to respect other people’s autonomy and individuality enough not to force or impose unrealistic expectations on them.
Hence, learn to let go of your expectations and start appreciating people for everything they are instead of what you expect them to be, and you’ll stand a chance of enjoying better relationships that are less disappointing.
…
Free your relationships from the shackles of the past.
No doubt, our pasts shape our present and future, but we don’t have to live under the shackles of our pasts.
Our pasts are only memories of our experiences, both positive and negative, which have affected all aspects of our lives, even our relationships, in various ways.
However, dwelling on the past will only make navigating all aspects of life, including our relationships, more difficult than they should be.
Do you really think you’re being brutally honest when you deliberately bring up past issues?
Hell, do you really need to dwell on the past? Do you really need to compare your partner to your ex? Do you really need to remind people of their past mistakes? Do you really need to keep a record file of other people’s past behaviors?
These are some of the ways a lot of people behave around people they hope to enjoy great, deep, and meaningful relationships with.
They endlessly act and behave in ways that reek of their obsession with the past because they’re so insecure that they can’t face reality. And at the end of the day, they end up leaving people close to them feeling hurt, wounded, and even broken.
But here’s the truth: You just have to leave the past in the past.
You don’t have to use other people’s past to punish them, even if they did hurt you in the past, especially when they’ve already taken responsibility, apologized, and made amends. That will mean you’re selfish, unforgiving, suffering from low self-esteem, or avoiding addressing and taking responsibility for your emotions.
You don’t need to compare your partner to your ex. That’ll only mean you aren’t respecting the awesome person they are.
In the same way, you don’t have to keep a record file of other people’s past mistakes. It’ll only mean you’re holding onto past grievances and finding it difficult to move on from them. Hence, the need to learn to let the past be in the past.
…
Learn to embrace and be comfortable with uncertainty.
Talking about our human nature, we all somehow dread helplessness; hence, we wouldn’t mind taking control of almost all aspects of our lives.
Yes, we’re naturally powerless towards things we can’t control, as we so much hate uncertainty that a lot of us have figured out ways to control most things in life — bodies, weight, work, etc. Some people even seek the same control in their relationships and friendships.
They simply find it too difficult to accept that there are certain aspects of relationships that are beyond human control and cannot be predicted with certainty.
Maybe you don’t lack the self-awareness to expect zero challenges at all in a relationship, but you aren’t better off if you aren’t open to navigating the highs and lows of relationships despite the possibility of unexpected endings or something of that nature.
And you know what’s funny about shying away or saying no to uncertainty and choosing the path of worrying in relationships or friendships?
It can create unnecessary stress and anxiety, which can negatively affect your physical and mental health.
You’ll be robbing yourself of the pleasure of enjoying the present moment and fully engaging with others when you choose to worry instead of embracing uncertainty.
Worse, you might end up becoming overly controlling or possessive in the relationship, which might in turn push people away from you.
Hence, if you want to enjoy better relationships where your worry and anxiety won’t end up creating a self-fulfilling prophecy that’ll ruin the relationship thanks to the negative behaviors created by your anxiety,
You’ll need to embrace and be comfortable with uncertainty, whether in your romantic relationships or other friendships.
Here are a few tips to do that:
- Practice mindfulness: This involves being present in the moment and observing your thoughts and feelings without judgment. When you do this, you’ll become more aware of your worries and anxieties and develop a more accepting and compassionate attitude toward them.
- Challenge your negative thoughts: When you find yourself worrying excessively about a relationship, ask yourself questions like, “Is this worry based on fact or assumption?” or “What evidence do I have to support this worry?”
- Cultivate trust: By being honest and authentic in your communication, following through on commitments, demonstrating reliability and consistency over time, and above all, learning to believe that you’re worth a lot. Building trust in yourself can help reduce worries about the future of a relationship.
- Embrace vulnerability: Being vulnerable and opening up to others have been known for ages to help create deeper connections and greater intimacy with others. And that’s because it does. Besides that, by embracing vulnerability, you can learn to trust that someone will be supportive and understanding of you.
Embracing uncertainty can help alleviate stress and anxiety in relationships and pave the way for more present and fulfilling relationships with others. And the tips listed above can help you reach comfortability with uncertainty.
…
Avoid being overly critical.
Some people are simply too insecure, controlling, and even perfectionistic. They often criticize, nit-pick, or find fault in other people’s actions, words, or decisions. They tend to focus more on the negative aspects of their relationships or other people’s behaviors than on the positive.
The harsh reality, however, is that you can’t be happy around others or enjoy great relationships with them when you endlessly project your insecurities on them and criticize them for the things you’re insecure about.
People are generally more likely to end up feeling hurt, resentful, or even slide into defensive mode around someone who often criticizes or finds fault with them. It threatens their self-esteem and might even make them feel like they can’t do anything right.
And as earlier hinted, the habit of consistent fault-finding in other people often stems from insecurity, especially when one projects their insecurities onto others by criticizing them for what they hate about themselves. Other times, it comes as a result of a toxic urge to exert control over others by criticizing them. And some others are overly critical because of their perfectionism and the high standards they have for themselves and others; hence, they’re often critical when those expectations aren’t met.
Quite often, these overly critical people force their friends or romantic partners to withdraw or distance themselves from them. Which, at the end of the day will either be responsible for the sudden demise of their relationships or be the reason for their shallow or mediocre relationships.
But if you want to enjoy better relationships and friendships, you’ll need to desist from being an overly critical friend, partner, brother, sister, cousin, colleague, etc.
So it’ll be helpful if you can try to be more open-minded, tolerant, accepting, non-judgmental, easy-going, constructive, and everything but an overly critical person. By so doing, you won’t only come across as more likable but will also be easier to be with, which will in turn make it even easier for the right people to bond with you and enjoy better relationships with you.
—
This post was previously published on medium.com.
***
All Premium Members get to view The Good Men Project with NO ADS. Need more info? A complete list of benefits is here.
Compliments Men Want to Hear More Often | Relationships Aren’t Easy, But They’re Worth It | The One Thing Men Want More Than Sex | ..A Man’s Kiss Tells You Everything |
—–
Photo credit: Felix Rostig on Unsplash