After struggling to trust others for years, I finally realized that everything I thought I knew about trust was wrong.
Trust and Tragedy
In 2016, my family had a tragic accident that left my father-in-law paralyzed from the neck down. We had to hire a social worker to help us through the painful experience.
Her name was Chevonne. She was in her 30s. She had beautiful eyes that hid enough pain and beauty that forced you to slow down and admire her strength. Something about her made her trustworthy instantly.
As she was helping us through placing my father-in-law in a long-term care facility, she sent me a handwritten note that said, “I hope your father-in-law enjoys the facility as much as my husband did.”
Come to find out, her husband had an accident a few years earlier and was placed in the same facility before he lost his life. So, Chevonne changed her career to transition patients from hospitals to specialized facilities.
After the experience, I had to ask myself, “Why did I trust her?” Although, I couldn’t find the answer. I knew that she was able to gain my trust by being empathetic, understanding, and patient.
She used her pain to bridge the gap from being a stranger to being my friend. She was able to flood my brain with oxytocin and left me no choice but to trust her.
. . .
You Are Preconditioned To Trust
You are born hardwired to make social connections and to trust people.
Humans are born physically unable to take care of their emotional or physical needs, so babies are preconditioned to seek social connections and trust adults early on.
Within hours of birth, an infant can orient her head toward her mother’s voice and mimic her expression. So, it is safe to say that human beings are social creatures who view trust as a fundamental component of building relationships and being a human.
Roderick M. Kramer is an experimental social psychologist who explains that, “Genetics and childhood learning makes us predisposed to trust and that it’s been a good survival mechanism.” Our willingness to trust others makes us vulnerable and able to build healthy relationships.
What Does Science Say?
Trust predates human societies.
To survive and thrive, you need to trust other people, so trust is a biological need. No relationship can prosper without it. Trust starts with a chain of chemical reactions in your brain to help you survive and thrive.
A chemical called oxytocin drives these chemical reactions. Many scientists have called Oxytocin the “love chemical” and the “elixir of trust.”
Paul Zak is a pioneer in the field of neuroeconomics who uncovered how oxytocin promotes trust. He studied the connection between the quantity of oxytocin produced, how much participants trusted others, and how trustworthy they were.
At this point, you may ask, what is oxytocin? Oxytocin is a group of small molecules that act as a messenger between different brain areas.
As a result, it promotes trust and harmony among friends and strangers. According to Michael Kosfeld, “Oxytocins increase your willingness to accept social risks and to be vulnerable with others.”
To Trust is Human
Oxytocin is considered the love chemical because it produces feelings of trust and safety. The more oxytocins your brain has, the more connected you will be with people around you.
Dr. Paul Zak states, “Almost every positive social interaction you have causes your brain to produce oxytocin,” Which increases your ability to empathize with other people, bond with them, and trust them.
In psychology, “Trust is believing that the person who is trusted will do what is expected.” So, if your friends do what is expected of them, you can trust them. But, on the other hand, you don’t trust them if you don’t know what they would do in a given situation.
Trust removes all human fears and barriers to building healthy relationships. If the other person’s presence promotes your brain to produce oxytocin, you will find yourself trusting the other person.
I don’t want to simplify Trust to one brain chemical, but science is on my side when I say oxytocin is the crucial ingredient with your ability to trust and be trusted.
What Impacts Oxytocin
Many factors increase the production of oxytocin in your body, but I’m only going to mention three factors. These are three factors that impact your brain’s ability to produce the elixir of trust.
Stress
It has been proven that stress decreases your ability to produce oxytocin and makes you less likely to trust others.
Estrogen
There is good news for females, estrogen increases your ability to produce oxytocin and enhances your body’s sensitivity to it. This is the main reason women tend to form better bonds than men.
Testosterone
Men won’t be happy to know that testosterone is a powerful inhibitor of oxytocin. However, it is essential to mention that, on average, men have 5 to 10 times more testosterone than women.
How to Increase Oxytocin in Your Body
Before you focus on increasing your oxytocin level in your body, it is crucial to understand that oxytocin does automatically change your behavior. However, it can boost the feelings of trust and security towards people around you.
- Practice yoga. It helps your release your stress.
- Listen to music. It improves your mood and focus.
- Get a massage. Physical touch improves your ability to produce oxytocin.
- Visit your friends. Spending time with your friends improves your emotional well-being.
- Share a meal with someone. Eating with someone you love triggers a chain of positive emotions in your body.
- Do something kind for someone. Helping someone that needs help improve your mood immediately.
Recap: The Neuroscience of Trust, How I learned To Trust People
- Similar experiences make you trust people faster.
- You are preconditioned to trust others.
- Oxytocin is the elixir of trust. It is biology first, sociology later.
- Trust is believing that the person who is trusted will do what is expected.
- Stress, estrogen, and testosterone levels are three critical factors limiting or increasing oxytocin production in your body.
- Self-care is essential for improving your mood.
. . .
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This post was previously published on Change Becomes You.
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