I’ve been watching a show called Soulmates. And a little while ago I watched The One. Both are based in a world where scientists have developed a test that matches people with their perfect partners. We’re not talking compatibility quizzes and chemistry questionnaires. We’re talking retina scans and DNA analyses. The tests are rooted in biological research. Foolproof. You will find your person.
Guaranteed.
Is this cause for comfort or alarm?
Such a concept takes the guesswork out of the process. But it also removes the magic. It eliminates the organic saw him from across the room and instantly knew they were the one moments. It renders the path to getting to know someone and building something special over time obsolete. But maybe that’s OK if you get what you want in the end, and you get it faster. I do wonder, however, if the destination can be as fulfilling without the journey.
In the shows, characters believe they’ve found their person because science told them so. It’s the self-fulfilling prophecy, mostly. The results could be legitimate or complete garbage. The power of the mind and curiosity of the heart draw them toward that person.
Works with everything.
It matters little if something is actually true once you’ve convinced yourself it is. Believe someone hates you and you’ll see all they say and do as confirmation of your suspicion.
Believe you’ve found your unequivocal soulmate and you’ll accept things you wouldn’t have otherwise. You’ll see them through rose-colored glasses. We do this often anyway when in love. Imagine if we had SCIENCE to support our denial and delusions.
Also, of course, this idea that your perfect person is out there somewhere affects couples in the shows who seem genuinely happy together. Once the test comes about, they notice the cracks in their relationships. Or they create cracks. You know how we do when it seems the grass on the other side is a deeper shade of green.
Suddenly this individual I’ve been with is boring or doesn’t get me and what if I’m missing out on the union that would best serve me? It’s what would happen in real life. Because the notion of your perfect match is irresistible, better than your good enough match.
But what if it were all true?
What if it could be so simple? What if science could pair you with your ideal partner and you lived happily ever after?
No wasted years in dead-end relationships. No rotating door of underwhelming dates. You could go straight to the good part.
I find this concept immensely intriguing (though also improbable) and have been exploring my ethics, considering my values. I’ve been wondering if I’d take the soulmate test and am almost positive I would.
Would you?
I’d take the test not because I was certain of its accuracy. Not even because dating can be endlessly exhausting. I’d let data take the wheel because I believe the lesson here is not about faith in science. But the fact that we can love someone on purpose. We’ll always find what we’re looking for and sometimes go in searching for reasons to disqualify a potential partner. If some random paring points me in the direction of a person, that’s a pretty powerful push out of my own way. A reason to choose to love them, instead.
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This post was previously published on medium.com.
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