“It’s ridiculously easy to fall in love, what’s hard is to sustain that love for life.”
― Abhijit Naskar
Valentine’s Day is approaching and it is celebrated as a holiday that centers around love. Some people get excited about it while others bemoan it. Some people complain that the day is contrived romance pushed by industries, which benefit from people buying flowers, chocolates, and jewelry.
I can’t say I completely disagree, but there are many industries that benefit from pushing people to celebrate something. And, if you are going to be pushed to do something, what’s wrong with feeling like you should show someone you love them even if it’s only one day out of the year.
Personally, I don’t get excited about Valentine’s Day because I would prefer to be shown love by someone throughout the year and at random times. But, I do love grand romantic gestures and I love the atmosphere of creating a loving display for someone. I am a self-proclaimed hopeless romantic. I even enjoy it watching other people receive it.
Some people think romance is lofty and optional but if you want to sustain a long-term relationship, I believe it is necessary.
According to Tony Robbins, humans have 6 basic needs.
• Certainty – reliability, safety, predictability
• Variety – surprises, adventures, chaos, uncertainty
• Significance – feeling needed, wanted, important, special
• Love and Connection – feeling intimate, loved, connected and attached
• Growth – Developing emotionally, spiritually and intellectually
• Contribution – to care, protect and serve others, giving
Perhaps, you can see from the list how romance could check a few boxes on this list. It offers variety, significance, love and connection, and contribution. It may also lead to growth by securing a romantic relationship.
In a long-term relationship, it seems like people often fool themselves into believing that certainty is all that someone needs to be happy. Certainty and being able to depend on your partner builds trust and is very important to a relationship. However, it is natural that once you know you can trust your partner then you start looking for excitement and variety.
Imagine you love pizza. It’s great the first couple of nights you have it. It feels pleasurable and filling. But, if someone made you eat it every single day for the rest of your life, eventually, you won’t get excited about eating pizza even if you are happy to have food.
By nature, even while feeling safe and stable, humans will seek to satisfy their need for variety.
Here is where easily fills that need. In addition, the person who provides it well can be the hero.
If you can keep your person on their toes and be creative in how you show love for them, the relationship stays fresh. Let’s be honest, several years into a relationship, you start to know each other’s stories. You know exactly how your partner is going to respond to things. You know their backstory. You get to know each other to the point that you feel comfortable which is beautiful. But, it also doesn’t leave room for mystery. There is nothing to figure out.
If you fall into a routine as a couple, you can start going to the same places and doing the same things together because it’s comfortable and easy. But, that also can lead to a relationship feeling stale.
How do you shake things up? Romance. Plan an unexpected trip and you may see a new side of your partner. Surprise them with things they love and it shows you are listening to them or know them well. You have the power to make your person feel special.
Just because it’s a contrived holiday, which benefits vendors, doesn’t mean it’s not something your partnership could benefit from as well.
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