Breaking free from the confines of traditional narratives, it’s time to confront an overlooked reality: men can also be victims of intimate partner violence (IPV).
Within the privacy of our own homes, a harrowing reality often remains concealed. Intimate partner violence (IPV), also known as domestic violence, is a distressing and pervasive issue. It silently afflicts individuals across all walks of life, and men, as victims, are by no means excluded.
IPV worldwide remains a significant health and welfare issue, affecting any demographic group across all socio-economic classes.
A recent survey in Australia on personal safety revealed that beyond the age of 15, 1 in 6 women and 1 in 16 men had experienced physical or sexual violence from a current or previous partner, and 1 in 6 had experienced some form of emotional abuse.1. Women and men who experienced abuse or witnessed domestic IPV as children (before age 15) are also at increased risk1.
These figures are only estimates owing to gross inconsistencies in reporting, skewing the true prevalence. There appears to be a lack of data looking at specific at-risk groups, including indigenous Australians, people with disability, and lesbian, gay, bisexual, transgender and intersex (LGBTI) people, including those in same-sex relationships where IPV is far more prevalent and attributable to the cause and effect of being socially disadvantaged alongside intergenerational trauma.
One study showied that abuse rates among same-sex couples are similar to those of heterosexual couples. However, the depth of research on male same-sex couples is limited when compared to studies of heterosexual couples,
For many men, this stigma can be deeply ingrained, and if they come forward to any services available, they may feel like they are going to be judged or deemed as weak. Some males may fear reporting to any formal authorities as victims of IPV as they believe the spotlight may turn to them where they will be accused of being the perpetrator. This is heightened by the common societal belief that IPV is engendered where women are always seen as victims and men are always aggressors.
In any case, according to the Addiction Center in the US, nearly 80% of all domestic violence crimes are related to the use of drugs and alcohol due to the loss of inhibitions2.
The pandemic was a catalyst
With the advent of the pandemic, which caused forced lockdowns nationwide in Australia, the number of people reaching out to various mental health lines and services has skyrocketed. According to a scientific brief from the WHO last year, the COVID-19 pandemic triggered a 25% increase in the prevalence of anxiety and depression worldwide3.
Over the past few years in my country of residence, MensLine Australia has witnessed a 30% increase in calls, with a disproportionate number of calls made from regional, rural, and remote areas. This is often due to social isolation. There is also a common misconception that men living in these areas are often perceived as more resilient and invulnerable than their metropolitan counterparts4.
MensLine is a free, confidential service operated 24/7 by trained counsellors. Being a free service means men do not have to come up with excuses that they have ‘better things to pay for than counselling’4.
Irrespective of gender, the type of abuse that occurs is not always physical
Most male victims do not suffer severe physical abuse from their female partners but more emotional ‘intimate terrorism‘, intimidating threats, belittling or coercive behaviour.
IPV may be even more subtle and involve financial control, leaving victims financially dependent with an insurmountable barrier to escape.
And, of course, in our digital era, abuse has found a new platform, with technology used to bully, harass and intimidate. This can also lead to social abuse where the perpetrator restricts or monitors a victim’s social interactions, leaving them isolated from their friends, family or any support networks.
We should also never forget spiritual abuse, a largely overlooked dimension that exploits religious beliefs as tools of manipulation and control. The use of rigid doctrines may enforce strict religious practices on victims or, conversely, prevent them from following their faith.
More than a band-aid solution is needed
To think that men are never victims of IPV is purely naïve and delusional.
Worldwide, it is imperative to have a more open dialogue that looks into further developing support services, specifically for men, that does not detract from the fact that women are predominantly affected.
Neither should these services undermine the hard-fought issues that domestic violence advocates have been campaigning for decades.
Though there are some dedicated facilities available, access to them can be woefully difficult as they are not advertised as heavily as they are for women.
To highlight this stark discrepancy, one only has to Google “domestic violence crisis centre for women” and “domestic violence crisis centre for men”. My searches are only directed to helplines where I live instead of signposting me to specific secure accommodation.
Until agencies conduct further research and identify notable gaps, services can be more tailored to meet the actual demand based on the need. It is already well known that domestic violence services are consistently underfunded and chronically under-resourced all over Australia.
Closing the gap globally
Though I write from an Australian perspective, this issue must be tackled on a global scale, irrespective of one’s socio-cultural milieu.
We must continue dispelling the false idea that all men behave equally and end the sweeping cultural generalisation that “boys will be boys,” which perpetuates toxic masculinity. This term implies emotional insensitivity, male chauvinism, stoicism, hyper-independence and unconditional physical and mental toughness.
However, the fact remains that we cannot escape this dangerous ideation of who and how men are without recognizing. that men can also be fragile and sufferers of this heinous form of abuse.
A failure to address this will only leave indelible marks on men, leading to ongoing trauma and interminable psychological distress.
The reader may ask why I chose to write about this sensitive subject. The answer is simple.
Unfortunately, I was in a same-sex relationship as a victim of IPV at one point but initially failed to recognise the position I was in. But with courage, determination and guidance, I finally extricated myself from a tumultuous situation.
Though I am left with ongoing emotional scars, I somehow emerged as a survivor.
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Helplines within Australia
MensLine: 1300 78 99 78
Men’s Referral Service: 1300 766 491
1800RESPECT: 1800 737 732
Lifeline: 13 11 14
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I acknowledge First Australians, the traditional custodians of the country throughout Australia. We recognise their continuing culture, contribution and connection to land, waters and community, and we pay our respect to elders past, present and emerging.
I declare no conflicts of interest in my writing.
IPV Male/Sept 2023/Medical Writing/DrSS
References
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This Post is republished on Medium.
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Photo credit: iStock
I note that even when referring male victims to a so called “service” you can’t help but engage in a bit of snide denigration…
“MensLine is a free, confidential service operated 24/7 by trained counsellors. Being a free service means men do not have to come up with excuses that they have ‘better things to pay for than counselling“.