It was my Mom who wants to meet me with a guy. I said to Mom, I don’t want to meet him but she hesitated so I met him. Indian moms always want to set up an arranged marriage proposal.
He was a royal guy, owning his own company, graduated from a prestigious college, and was three years older than me.
Here, I was an introvert who was still going to college and was having fun with my few college friends. Not graduating from a prestigious college but a simple girl who was born and brought up in a small village and loving her own little life.
I met him at his own home, as it was our parents who wanted us to meet. We never talked before but I already had made up my mind that this guy is not my type.
And he was not.
We sat on a sofa and I didn’t know what to speak and he started the conversation. The way he started was like telling me about his college, his grades, and his qualifications. It was all about the college life he had and there I was just listening and saying okay in the middle of some sentences.
Then he started to speak about his high five friends — the one who was doing a job in Japan, the other one was studying at the topmost University in the US, the other one who left engineering in the middle and pursue his own music career and blah blah…
This went for almost half an hour and I was just nodding my head and didn’t say anything.
I was speaking to myself in my mind.
- What the hell he is speaking about?
- Why do I want to know about his friend’s earnings?
- I don’t know him and why exactly would I be happy by listening to what his friends are doing?
- The main question arose in my mind was — why he is not coming to the main point?
I knew he was not interested in me and neither I was. So I was like come to the main point dude and finish it off.
Finally, after half an hour he came to the point and he said it’s my Mom who insisted so I said yes to meet you but I don’t know right now anything. And he loved reading books and back then I was not that book reading girl. (Although now Medium has changed my life and I am reading more).
So he wanted me to even read books as much he read and it was like somebody was putting pressure on me. Someone wanted me to earn this much and that much.
It was too much for me. At last, I just said to him one thing — please be honest and say what you feel like.
He said I will let you know within 1–2 days and I left.
As I went upstairs where my Mom and his parents and grandparents were sitting. His grandpa asked — what do you think about you both? I was like I don’t know. Just didn’t say no to them directly because girls saying no is the biggest problem in India but I was knowing he was going to say no, so I had that relief.
Then I and my Mom left the house and as I stepped out I got a message from him saying sorry about all the big talks. I was like Thank God at least he messaged and understood what he was talking about.
The next day it was a boom. He said no and I was a free bird. I was so damn happy and just deleted his number.
He was a good guy, no doubt, but he was not my type. The only thing I regret is that I didn’t speak when I wanted to in that meet-up.
Lessons for Introvert
Speak up about what you wanted to say on your date. Don’t be hesitant to speak. Speak what your heart desires.
This incident was a way of learning for me. As for my next date, I told everything I wanted and the way I want to live my life.
Don’t be shy. Tell everything you want and don’t date a person who has demands from you. Just be yourself a little compromise at some perspective is okay but if your heart says no, then it is definitely — No.
Lessons for the guys
No, we don’t want to know about your high degree and your earnings. We just want a good conversation at the start.
We can’t be like you. We can’t do things that you want but we can take out a middle way which can be good for both of us.
On a first date, both parties don’t know each other and in that, if you think a girl should do what you like then it’s not going to work at all.
So be kind. Get to know each other instead of just showing off. Be real that’s it. One thing for both girls and boys out there who are dating:
Find someone who helps you sleep peacefully at night.
This post was previously published on medium.com.
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Photo credit: Joshua Ness on Unsplash