Today one of my neighbors sent me a Facebook message. She noticed one of my tires was low and let me know she had a tire pump and a gauge in case I wanted to fill it up.
I went over and we took care of it.
After, I felt grateful to have such a good neighbor. I thought about it, and I realized — I’ve always had good neighbors.
Is it because I’m lucky?
That may be part of it. However, there are some things I’ve done that might have helped. Here are my suggestions for getting along with your neighbors.
Smile and say hello
It sounds pretty simple, doesn’t it? But a lot of people don’t do it. I always do. Even when I feel like a bit of an idiot, because the other person looks confused.
Maybe it’s because my parents are from India, a place known for nosy neighbors. But my Mom, when we were growing up in New York, made friends with everyone on our block, even the grumpy people who never smiled at anyone.
So smile and say hello. Don’t be intrusive and try to engage if the other person makes it clear they don’t want to, but do smile when you see them.
Talk to them when things are going well
A lot of times I’m in a rush and I don’t have time to talk. When a neighbor waves and indicates she wants to have a conversation, I have no problem letting them know I can’t if I truly can’t.
However, if I do have some time — I’ll stop and shoot the breeze for a bit.
I’m not talking long, intimate conversations here. I’m talking about a couple of minutes.
I’ll ask them about their kids or their job or make a comment about the weather. Engage and let them know you care. Better yet, actually do care. These are the people who live in your community. Shouldn’t you care about them?
Talk to them when things are going badly
Let’s face it, no one’s perfect, including the neighbors. So what do you do when their music is too loud or their kids have destroyed your roses?
Hopefully you’ve already established yourself as a friendly person. Then, you can go over and have a discussion with them.
Don’t call the police unless you have no other alternative. Always try to talk to them first.
And don’t accuse them. Go over with a good attitude. Let them know that you believe that things can work out. Give them a chance to save face if they need to, even if you know it’s really B.S. Because the most important thing is that the problem gets resolved and relationships remain cordial.
Help them out when you can
This doesn’t just mean when they ask. For example, if you know your neighbor is looking for work and you’ve heard about an opening, mention it to them. Or if you see the struggling to carry a heavy package, offer to grab the door for them. Little things like that.
But certainly if they ask for help, and you can do it at little cost to yourself, say yes. Of course, if they are asking for too big a favor or you can’t help, it’s fine to say no. But offer a helpful suggestion.
Ask them for help
This is just as important as being helpful. Asking for help when you need it helps strengthen your ties with your neighbors and fosters the sense of community.
When I was recovering from my mastectomy, one of my neighbors’ sons would take my garbage to the curb for me and back. I hadn’t even asked him to do this. He did it for me for a month, until I was recovered enough that I could do this myself. The reason? Because in the past I’d asked for help when I needed it, and I’d also helped his parents when they’d asked. So he felt open to help me out without any awkwardness.
Be hospitable and welcoming
When I moved into my house in Michigan, one of the neighbors brought me over zucchini bread. In my current neighborhood in Texas, a neighbor brought over beer. Whatever the particular item, the sentiment is the same. I was being welcomed into the neighborhood.
I’ve tried to do similar things. I’ll introduce myself to a new neighbor and give them a pie. It’s a small thing, but it makes people feel welcome.
Every Christmas, I make gingerbread to give to neighbors.
Not surprisingly, many neighbors return the favor. An elderly lady in Wichita Falls used to make the most delicious soup and she’d always give us some.
If you like your neighbors, be social
About once a year, invite your neighbors to a gathering. My ex and I used to invite ours to try our home-made eggnog or mulled wine at Christmas.
You don’t need to invite people into your house if that’s outside your comfort zone. Inviting people to sip lemonade and eat cookies on your porch works.
Again, some neighbors will return the favor.
I’ve been invited for barbecues, crab boils, Christmas or Halloween parties. My Muslim neighbors have invited us to celebrate Eid and my Hispanic neighbors to their daughter’s quinceañera. When I lived in New York, we were invited for Diwali parties and in Colorado to an annual July 4th bash.
Don’t gossip and don’t be judgmental
If your neighbor confides in you that they’re having marital issues, keep it to yourself. If you’re not comfortable with that level of intimacy, politely put some distance between you, but don’t gossip.
Realize that good neighbors come in all shapes and sizes. Do your best to be a good neighbor whatever your differences.
Currently I live in a diverse neighborhood. The lady who mentioned my low tire pressure is white. The one who regularly brings over treats for my Mom and I is Muslim. The man who changed my tire is Hispanic. The fellow dog-lover who always chats with me about our pups is black.
I love living in a diverse neighborhood, but even when I don’t, it’s still great to have good neighbors. When I lived in the Midwest, I was the sole non-white person. When I lived near Houston, my ex and I were the only non-Hispanics.
It never made a difference. We always got along.
Remember, the best way to have good neighbors is to be one!
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Previously published on medium
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Photo credit: by United Nations COVID-19 Response on Unsplash