There is always the possibility that you will start over again one day. You thought you had the perfect marriage, but one day it all falls apart. It had nothing to do with you. You just grew apart. You and your spouse had different goals in life. Maybe they fell in love with someone else. Maybe they didn’t know how to control their passions and vices. They have commitment issues that they had to address with their own heart to get to yours. It wasn’t about you.
The other day I was confronted with a reality that I wasn’t used to. I learned that lots of Central American women forgive infidelity. I didn’t understand how she could when Caribbean culture reacts in a completely opposite way. We blow up in the face of betrayal and dwindle into a solomn remorse that our loved one has left us for another. Never have I seen a woman forgive and take back an unfaithful partner.
Am I conditioned to think this way? I began to challange this thought in my mind and wondered if I could forgive infedlity the way these women do.
I don’t think I could. But I wanted to put myself into her midset. What if I did forgive him even though he broke our vows. I had to realize it had nothing to do with me and tap into unconditional love in Jesus. I had to forgive him and value my worth. Maybe at the most I would just push him away and let him start over elsewhere. I would grow culd. My affection would freeze up. Not out of malice, but more so out of hurt. I had to forgive him to heal my own self and view him as someone who doesn’t understand the value of commitment to one.
Marriage isn’t a security. It is a privilege. There is always the possiblity that someone else is going to walk into your partner’s life. You can’t just keep them locked up in the house and forbid them from ever talking to the opposite sex. That’s completely unreasonable. Don’t you know how many people you woul actually meet by the end of your life at 90 years old if you get there? We’re still young and we haven’t met all the people we would ever meet by the end of our life. You have to understand that men have needs, but women are aware of this too and her craftiness could swoop in suddenly to seduce him into her arms. He wouldn’t even see it coming if you didn’t see it first.
A wise woman protects her home, but is aware of the casualities. Other women who meet your husband is inevitable, but why live in constant fear of him going away with her when you are secure in your own worth. If he wanted to leave he would do it anyway. You can’t keep him from sneaking around if that’s what he wants to do, lol.
But I “respect” the machismo of a man since its so prevalent in my hispanic cutlure. He wants to be the one to provide and protect. He wants to be a man, but without decerning who you marry, you can easily become a trophy wife. An object of his “affection” and a possession he wants to own.
Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. 5 It does not dishonor others, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. 6 Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. 7 It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres.Love never fails.
It’s not about me. None of it is personal if I don’t let it be.
Love is selfless. Your partner is not your possession and can not be kept locked in the cage of your heart. You hcve to love them unconditionally and allow them the space to fly around in and outside the cage of your heart to grow in the space of your love. If they fly away to the cage of another owner’s heart. Who are you to impede them if that’s where they feel most at home? You have to let that birdy fly and trust that God will protect your heart as he writes a new story — a new love story that makes both of you happy in the end. Even if that is with someone new or with your heart flying solo for a while.
You can’t cling on to what doesn’t belong to you in the past because it doesn’t belong to you anymore. Maybe that’s how you love someone for who they are. Even if they are not with you, you still choose to love them from far away and let them go.
Maybe God has someone else who knows how to love you better.
Even if you believe that last love was meant for you. Your partner is still worth the wait. So, let time take its course as two hearts mend eachother together. Isn’t that the most selfless thing to do?
This is how you heal your heart in the face of forgiveness. You have to forgive. Forgiveness is not about them, but for the state of your own mental peace. Life moves on with or without them. It takes maturity to accept that, and you will be happier for it. ❤
Whatever is meant to be will be. You have to trust God that he has the best thing for your and your family. Even if that is not what you want right now. There is better in the end, and it’s still not the end. Jesus loves you. 🙂
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This post was previously published on medium.com.
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From The Good Men Project on Medium
What Does Being in Love and Loving Someone Really Mean? | My 9-Year-Old Accidentally Explained Why His Mom Divorced Me | The One Thing Men Want More Than Sex | The Internal Struggle Men Battle in Silence |
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Photo credit: Jonathan Borba on Unsplash