Divorce is a bitch. Sing it with me! But seriously, if you want to know how low the person who was supposed to love and cherish you until “death do you part” will sink in order to bring you down with them, try divorce on for size.
At least that has been my experience with divorce so far.
My Husband Tries to Convince the Court I’m Crazy
When my husband’s attorney refused to respond to my lawyer’s attempts to get in contact regarding, well anything, connected to the divorce, it became apparent we would need to file our own motion for temporary orders.
The motion my husband’s attorney filed after my husband abandoned me was ridiculous. The motion was riddled with mistakes, an attempt to make me homeless, and an amount of alimony that was a joke. No self-respecting attorney (or person for that matter) would let their client accept those terms.
So we filed our own motion, asking for more reasonable accommodations. When you file a motion for temporary orders, you must make a statement explaining why you are asking the court to grant you your requests. I did. I stuck to the facts, citing my financial need, the timeline of our marriage, and my husband’s abrupt departure from the marriage.
The Late Response
Past Due. Carriage clock and notebook with pen. Image by Steve Buissinne from Pixabay
When my husband and his attorney responded (three days past the deadline…), they did not agree to our requests. No surprise there, but what was surprising was my husband’s attempt to sway the court with the age-old “my wife is crazy, don’t believe anything she says!!” argument.
I thought he was better than that. Silly me.
He claimed that my behavior was “erratic” and “escalating,” and that I made outlandish claims, though he didn’t specify what those claims were.
This was news to me and everyone that knows me. Most importantly, it was news to our couples therapist who was shocked by his allegations. She could not believe the rapid change in his behavior towards me after playing the part of the doting husband. She told me he had turned out to be “a real snake.” I couldn’t agree more.
What His Behavior Revealed to Me
I was very confused by my husband’s accusations. Why would he accuse me of behaviors that I could easily prove weren’t true? How could he possibly justify lying so blatantly?
My lawyer clued me into part of the reason. Basically, his case wasn’t a strong one, and this was his attempt to sway the court. He was trying to paint me as crazy in order to blame me for his abandonment. In a no-fault state, doing that was entirely pointless. My lawyer told me the court didn’t care why we were there, they were only concerned with dividing assets and things like who got to stay in the house.
All he had really accomplished was to waste my time and money.
And Then I Learned about Narcissistic Abuse
In a solo session with our couples therapist post-abandonment, my therapist described his recent behavior as narcissistic. I will admit, I had wondered if this was the case since he left me days before Christmas. So much of our relationship revolved around him and his life, and he never dealt well with less-than-stellar feedback (not to mention his need to control me through the silent treatment).
I started to read about NPD. And oh my god, the number of times I thought “Yep, that’s exactly how he acted,” or “Yeah he did that,” was alarming. I felt like the blinders were lifting, blinders I had had on for over a decade.
And then I read an article that specifically addressed how narcissists act in court. The article said narcissistic abusers will often try to convince the court their victim is crazy in order to discredit anything they may say. If they try to speak out against their abuser, well the abuser has already accused them of being crazy, so who will believe them?
Reading this was like walking into a steel pole. It was a wake-up call.
—
Join Medium with my referral link – Diana Pearce
As a Medium member, a portion of your membership fee goes to writers you read, and you get full access to every story…
medium.com
Want to show your support and buy me a coffee?
https://buy.stripe.com/4gw7u57yK6nK0W4eUU
—
This post was previously published on medium.com.
***
All Premium Members get to view The Good Men Project with NO ADS. Need more info? A complete list of benefits is here.
Compliments Men Want to Hear More Often | Relationships Aren’t Easy, But They’re Worth It | The One Thing Men Want More Than Sex | ..A Man’s Kiss Tells You Everything |
—–
Photo credit: Jen Theodore on Unsplash