“After 14 yrs of marriage, my wife died. Why is it that I can’t come back to life?” Allana Pratt Intimacy Expert lends compassion and hope…
Question: My wife of almost 14 years as of September 23, 2014 had passed away. Is it common for a widower to feel like he can never or ever will be able to touch, kiss or make love to another woman like he did to his passed love? Because that is we’re I’m at with it all. I can’t see myself doing the things I did with my wife to any other woman. It’s like I have to be a whole new man and learn from the beginning again and I don’t want to change who I am.
Answer: My sweet wonderful amazing new friend, I am honored to connect with you and touched that you’ve reached out. I am so sorry for your loss.
Your feelings are totally normal. Your love ran deep. You lived your totality with her, yes? I believe you won’t ever touch, kiss or make love to another woman the way you did to your wife. How could you? This was something unique and special that just the two of you shared. Who she was brought out a special part of you that only she did…and that’s beautiful amazing and complete.
Now you are in the void… the middle ground, the healing… the learning who you are without her. I can’t imagine how challenging this must be. Yet to get through this, I know you are becoming stronger, more grateful, more present perhaps to savor moments in life, more curious about what’s next to energy in as and through you, what your legacy is about, what your calling truly is now, yes?
And thus who you’re becoming is more, wider, deeper, richer, stronger, softer… different, yes? And thus who you will be with who you meet next, when that’s divinely inspired to occur, you will be different with her… you will have grown, evolved, changed… and thus experiences with this new partner will not be the same, they will be new.
It’s not that you have to learn to be a whole new man from the beginning again… although I get you may feel like this… yet you are creating a new world, accessing a new part of you… yet it will be added to the magnificent man you already are… you can’t change who you are if you tried! You are discovering even more about who you are… and in time, you will share that with another woman… for now begin to let this expanded evolved you gift the world in friendships, in chance encounters…
When my best friend died at 16, I didn’t have an objective listener, someone not effected directly who could be there for me. When my mom died I made sure I had a coach to help me through her dying, her death and moving on. It was tremendously healing and cast a light of gratitude and hope that helped me through the pain. My coach reminded me that pain is temporary and yet suffering is eternal… this confirmed my choice to be a coach and help people release suffering, navigate life transitions and emerge their fullest most amazing selves.
I recommend you create a tender, caring and potent partnership with a coach like me, someone who isn’t in your day to day life, someone who you can be completely vulnerable with, who won’t fix you or push you, yet guide you in divine time into the world of women, dating, intimacy and love in this next phase of your life as a man.
Navigating death isn’t a linear road, nor an easy one, and yet in my experience it’s also one of the most amazing gifts when someone can help you navigate the richness and conscious evolution possible. It would be a humble privilege to support you on this part of your courageous journey. If this resonates with you, please contact my manager at [email protected] and say who you are, that I answered your question on the Good Men Project and let’s connect for a strategy session to see if we’re a match for this beautiful work together. You can do this.
Huge love and blessings, tenderness and a warm smile, Allana xoxoxo
P.s. While my www.GetHerToSayYes.com complementary report and video series is themed for healing the heart from divorce, it applies to death as well and will further support you in stepping into this new phase of your life of dating and intimate relationships.
Photo: www.Flickr.com Gustavo Devito