Connie K. Grier, our new weekly contributor, will be exploring the tough questions, discussing the often overlooked issues, and sharing the life lessons that come from the day to day raising of boys.
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Teens are rarely certain about life events, as they have a whole lot of living to do before deciding the non-negotiable aspects regarding their future…
When it came to the gender of my future children however, nineteen was the age that my decision was cemented, my line drawn in the sand, and my maternal desires burned into my heart.
I would have the “what kind of mother will you be” conversations with girlfriends who would become my sisters-in law. I knew, unequivocally, that I wanted two children and I knew they HAD to be boys. Yup. Why, you ask? Well for me, these things were true:
- I was a hair styling failure (and still am). There was no way I could handle the stress of doing the hair of a daughter. I mean; it just would not be pretty.
- Boys were, in my estimation, less sassy, more agreeable and there would be no issues with “princesses must challenge the queen of the hive” dramatically, subtly, or sneakily.
I was blessed with having my maternal dreams come true. I gave birth to twin boys, so the rest would be gravy…
Or so I thought.
Raising sons actually presents its own set of challenges, and in today’s world, the challenges not only impact the ebb and flow of households, but also can be a matter of life and death for our sons, and can be an overwhelming, frightening enterprise for parents. As a mother of boys, and as a lifelong educator and mentor, I take the charge of saving the lives of our young men very seriously. While current national events highlight the seriously dangerous times we live in, pitfalls for our boys in the arenas of education, post secondary success, relationship building and the criminal justice system have been present for decades, if not centuries.
To that end, I am honored to dialogue with you weekly regarding the topic of Raising Boys. This journey is definitely not for the faint of heart, and while I in no way have all of the answers, I will respectfully explore the tough questions and discuss the often swept under the rug issues, while at the same time sharing the laughter, frustrations and life lessons that come from the day to day raising of intelligent, inquisitive and often ripe (yeah I said it, downright funky at times) boys. Raising boys to be courageous, just, and empathetic men is not only my pleasure, but also my responsibility.
It is, Of Utmost Urgency.
Photo: Carbonnyc/Flickr
@Ratty
you are welcome! I look forward to your sharing your thoughts here!
I’m thrilled to see this new content addition, Connie! As I just shared with my constituency, people are starting to get that this work of raising boys is neither escape from “girl drama” nor a prison sentence. It is much more subtle and much more complicated and it IS of utmost urgency. I’m so excited to hear what you have in store for us!
Awwww! Thank you so much Tosha! Yes, boys can be easier on one hand, and more complex on the other, so I welcome sharing the journey and learning a lot along the way. And yes, the urgency for our young males is real. I’m so glad and I look forward to your comments!
I want to follow your upcoming articles. How do I make sure I don’t miss one?
Good afternoon, Crystal
Thank you so much! My weekly blogs will be posted here on Monday evenings, usually around 7:30pm. If you connect with me on Twitter, they will also be tweeted…:-). I truly appreciate your support.
Thanks for posting!
I truly agree it is of upmost urgency !! I believe in generational genocide and at the center of that in my opinion is young black and brown boys; and I truly believe it really starts at home. The foundation is what is taught or not taught at home the up bringing is the equipment or lack thereof that truly determines what our young men will be able to handle and with stand in a society that is as much now as was 60 years ago the true enemy of our kids generation. So again content like this is of… Read more »
I thank you so much for your response. Generational genocide is definitely real and relevant in today’s society, and the mental/emotional strength required to disrupt these cycles is often developed (or diminished) during childhood in the home setting.
I agree with you that raising boys to be “courageous, just, and empathetic men” is vitally important and in society’s interest, but I also believe that the raising of girls to be respectful of the opposite sex is important too. Feminism and society today is basically imparting a notion in their minds that girls can get away with pretty much anything – divorced mothers with no respect for the feelings of her children’s father (but still banking the child support cheques each month), tolerating violence meted out at boys (the infamous ‘boys are stupid, throw rocks at them’ phenomenon) whilst… Read more »
Thanks for your post. It’s funny that you mention that. I actually mentor young ladies, so I definitely agree that girls need our focus. I am a champion for young ladies receiving mentoring support, and I deliver it…I just happen to be a mother to sons, so in terms of raising young men, which this column focuses on, there are tons of experiences to share.
Ah, but do you teach your young ladies to respect the opposite sex or teach them to only expect respect from the opposite sex? I totally agree that working with young people is the best way to combat sexism and inequality but it has to have the right focus and balance in order to truly succeed.
Hello Ratty,
Yes I most definitely work with my young ladies regarding the crucial concept of respect. Respect of self, respect of others and respect of young men. In no way should young ladies maintain the belief that somehow our boys are less deserving of respect because they were born males. Their should be no “upper hands” when it comes to respect, for EVERYONE deserves it.
Thanks so much for the dialouge
I’m glad to hear the Connie – thank you for putting my mind at rest.
Keep up the good work and I look forward to reading your articles here in future!