Plant the seed
Maybe planting trees is not your thing, but there is a climate crisis, fires, and floods everywhere, and maybe you would enjoy it.
At the very least, you have everything to gain by giving it a try.
Whatever you love and value, there is a cause you can get behind. And in that cause — or causes — you will meet people who share your values. Perhaps you shouldn’t be wasting your time at evangelical book clubs if you are more thrilled with the idea of being at the pride parade.
Although, if you have political interests, and have accepted that you tolerate and love even those you may fundamentally disagree with at such gatherings, go for it.
If you love animals, volunteer to care for some, and go to clinics and adoption events. If you love the outdoors, join a conservation group. If you want to campaign for decent candidates, get involved. If you love fresh food, take up a community garden. If you are attempting to go zero-waste, don’t go it alone. If you love literature, go for a literacy group. If you want to exercise or take up an athletic hobby, there is a person out there wanting extra motivation.
The list is endless, and it grows every day.
Don’t do this, Do that!
There are some dos and don’ts.
Do not assume you will meet someone right away. Do assume you may meet that person’s brother, sister, or co-worker. Do not assume you will not face rejection. Do assume that we all feel that same fear. Do not do things for purely selfish reasons, that would undermine your own cause. Do be patient, though, with any cause, and own your own doubts even if they are about your sincerity. We all have to reflect upon our motivations from time to time. Do not feel yourself to be a loser for wanting a quality life with a quality cause. Do understand some will disagree with your cause because people, especially now, are quite polarized, and will speak of “virtue signaling” Do not make romantic overtures or anything that could be construed as too physical or too graphic, especially when new to any group. Do be light and even flirty if the setting feels appropriate way down the line. Do not assume this group will make all the changes you want in the world. Do assume that small groups become mighty armies. They are the sure thing that does change things for the better in the see-saw sweep of history, albeit gradual in most cases.
Not ready to be a social justice warrior? Become a social butterfly. It ends up being the same thing when you truly care.
Share your values as if your life depends upon it
There are more than a few reasons to meet and make new friends.
Volunteering and feeling a sense of giving, really do create an actual connection. There is nothing wrong with clubbing, or dancing, but expanding your interests in something beyond displays that you are also about more than just shallow hook-ups.
A truly good reason these days is that we really need people to come together.
Given how divided people are, and given that we all spend much too much time online and in polarizing situations, give some of your life back to your own real life.
You may meet the love of your life. Or, you may meet her brother’s cousin’s neighbor’s friend. Either way, you have made a difference in your own life.
—
This post was previously published on medium.com.
***
You may also like these posts on The Good Men Project:
White Fragility: Talking to White People About Racism | Escape the “Act Like a Man” Box | The Lack of Gentle Platonic Touch in Men’s Lives is a Killer | What We Talk About When We Talk About Men |
—
Photo credit: Luke Richardson on Unsplash