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Have you ever wondered why some kids love doing dishes, and others will do anything to avoid taking out the trash? On the surface, it seems like defiance or laziness, but that’s not always the case.
Kids don’t have the same orientation toward life that adults do. They’re often busy entertaining their imagination and pursuing whatever passion strikes them in the moment. For the most part, kids exist in the present moment, and unless doing chores sounds like fun, they’re not interested. Some kids don’t see the urgency in doing chores. If there are no clean dishes, they’ll be happy to eat out of the pot. If the rugs don’t get vacuumed, they’ll sit on a dirty floor. They appreciate a clean carpet when someone else vacuums, but they aren’t motivated to do it themselves.
Perhaps the key to getting kids to willing do chores lies in the ability to help them connect the end result of chores to their enjoyment in life. For some kids, that might require letting the trash pile up so they can empty an overflowing trash can that’s been stinking for a few days. Finally that smell is gone! For others, it might require running out of clean clothes and having nothing to wear to a friend’s house. Maybe there is a good reason to do laundry every week rather than waiting until the end of the month.
The day will come when your kids will start doing chores on a regular basis. Until that day arrives, here’s how to ensure those chores get done:
Use charts, stickers, and indicators.
If the trash needs to be brought to the curb by Wednesday night, don’t expect your child to remember without some kind of visual reminder. Create a chore chart on a poster board and hang it up in a common area. Use stickers or colorful marks to keep track of completed chores. You can keep track daily, weekly, or monthly; it all depends on the frequency of the chores.
It’s easy to tell when the trash has been taken out, but what about the dishes? Sometimes a loaded dishwasher looks clean when it’s actually dirty. One cool family-friendly hack for this dilemma is to use a dishwasher magnet to mark the status. Train your kids to mark the load “clean” after starting the dishwasher, and “dirty” after emptying the load.
Don’t give younger kids any chores.
This sounds contrary to the idea of getting your kids to perform chores, but there’s a strategy here. With younger kids, you usually need to use bribes, threats, or rewards to get them to do chores. They’re not intrinsically motivated to clean their room, vacuum, or help with dishes. When a younger child is forced to do chores, they might end up resenting their parents and the whole concept of doing chores.
By not assigning chores to your younger kids, you allow them to develop a natural interest in doing chores when it becomes a practical necessity. For example, one parent taught their 7-year-old daughter to do laundry when she complained about not having any clean clothes. When the child complained, the parent asked, “Ok, do you want me to show you how to wash your laundry yourself?” The daughter replied, “YES PLEASE!” So, the parent showed the child how to do her own laundry.
Use positive motivators for teenagers.
Teenagers understand the necessity of chores more than younger kids, but that doesn’t mean they’re always going to do them. If your teenager doesn’t want to help out around the house, it could be a sign that something else is going on for them. They might be going through an emotionally tough time that zaps their energy and motivation.
Before presuming they’re just being lazy and dishing out punishment, ask them about the situation. Let them know you’re coming from a place of concern, not condemnation. Ask if there’s anything you can do to help them get their chores done. Offer to switch up their routine and schedule, or swap responsibilities. Remember to make respectful requests, not demands.
Express appreciation and acknowledgment.
You probably don’t get acknowledged for cleaning the bathroom, but you should always acknowledge your kids for their chore contributions. It shows them that even tasks that are expected are appreciated, and they’re not just little minions being told what to do by their parents – they’re part of the family, and their chores make a worthwhile contribution.
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This content is sponsored by Larry Alton.
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Photo credit: Shutterstock