Nobody asked for a part two, but here we go.
…
I have a really close friend that happens to be of the opposite sex and we talk a lot about relationships and dating and try to navigate our situationships together. It’s a good friend to have really.
The question of us dating has never came up, I’m not his type and he’s not mine. However I did ask him what makes me not his type, not because I want him but because I’d like to know how some men would see me.
“You’re too independent. You don’t need anyone, and you make it clear.”
So what’s the problem here, is the problem that I don’t need anyone or that I make it clear. So my next question is this: How do I make it clear?
“By how you carry yourself. I’ve never heard you call yourself an independent woman, but you often refuse help from men and you keep a lot to yourself. You’re go to phrase is, it’s ok — I got it.”
Why is this a bad thing? I know that I’ve written on this before. But there has been a new development that I’d like to dive deeper into. Ego.
…
Sometimes in a relationship, people take on roles of submissive and the dominant. I am not dominant. But I also don’t cater to the dominants how they want to because
1. Not all of them deserve it. and
2. In order for me to be submissive to them, I have to want to be.
I haven’t met a man that I would like to be submissive to — so this turns into me taking care of myself.
The ego is a powerful tool used in manipulation tactics in men everywhere.
- I had a man tell me he wouldn’t sleep with me because he didn’t want me to fall in love with him. In this case, his ego was bigger than his manhood.
- I had a man tell me that I shouldn’t be embarrassed for his incompetence. His ego wouldn’t even let him get it up.
- I had another man tell me that he doesn’t pursue women because he is the catch in the situation. He got upset when I stopped texting him and 3 months later showed back up in my DM’s.
I could go on… but you get the point.
These things are supposed to make us submissive(s) inadequate and guilty for something even. We feel weak and like we are the problem but after doing some mild research and a lot of therapy, it’s the ego that is the problem. And when that can be dropped so many things will be better.
Independent woman won’t threaten them and I could finally pump my own gas when I need to instead of having someone get upset that I didn’t allow myself to run out on the freeway. You could have waited for me to come put gas in your car.
Don’t get me wrong — someone to take care of me would be nice. But in the emotional sense of the word care. Not to rise above me. I would like to care for someone else too. Equally. Why is that so hard to grasp?
…
When I explain this all to my close male friend — it still doesn’t click and he says so simply, why can’t you just let men do things for you to make them feel better about themselves?
I ended the conversation with a quick note of I’m not here to stroke ego’s and if a man needs me to make him feel like a man by carrying something to the car he has a lot of internal work to do.
—
This post was previously published on medium.com
***
You Might Also Like These From The Good Men Project
How to Lose a Guy Forever ……. | ..A Man’s Kiss Tells You Everything | ..3 Things You Didn’t Know He Wants in Bed | .12 Signs She’s Woman You Should Marry |
—
Photo credit: iStockPhoto.com