Being a woman is already considered a crime since the history of patriarchy. From the time of a girl’s puberty, she’s seen as a temptress to men. Some are even accused of being witches and burnt at the stake just because they are different from others.
What a girl wears and how she speaks are criticized before she learns what femininity means. By the time she becomes a full-grown woman and decides she wants to be single for life, she becomes more dangerous to society compared to mothers and wives.
Let’s not talk about the sexual abuse and social degradation women endure because of our gender. Or the fact that women have no right over their bodies. It’s as if being a woman is a crime.
But guess what? Modern women are criminalizing themselves even more and they cannot be convicted twice.
At 38, I’m so happy I can no longer be exploited by men. Now I feel more entitled than ever to have my freedom. If the dude can’t comprehend, he can hit the door.
Just recently, a guy I was crushing on decided to man up and ask me out. You know as a miserable single woman, this guy was doing me a favor since I have no one to take care of me.
That’s right!
Men are deluded to think single women are miserable so I decided to indulge this one. He felt high and mighty until I unleashed my demons.
Dinner was great. I had my fill at Sushi Bar. I made sure to pick the most expensive food and wine in the menu. I’m miserable after all. I need to cool my frustration with all the happy things I can get.
I kept ordering more food and eating bites out of it. The frittata was too good I almost ordered a second plate. Their Maki is the best I have had so far. We ordered different recipes but my favorite was the sushi maki roll.
Mr Goody Two Shoes, was surprised that this miserable lady had a fantastic taste. He was quite the gentleman and didn’t complain as I made unnecessary demands about my food choices. Or maybe he was putting on a brave face to hide his insecurities.
“Oh, this wine is horrible. I think is expired,” I said after drinking one glass of the exotic wine. To be fair I think that wine was really cheap but they marked up the price to $120. I ordered a second bottle from a different brand. This one I managed to drink half the bottle before complaining that it was making me obnoxious.
I requested we go to another diner. I wasn’t done getting over my misery and the guy was getting cocky.
I mean what else can a miserable woman do other than eat and drink to forget her misery?
The waiter came with our bill. A smile crowned my lips as I saw the guy’s face turn red. He was contemplating whether to pay the bill alone or have me contribute.
“C’mon honey, you are getting dramatic. You know how lonely and frustrated these past weeks have been for me. You are the first person to make me happy in a long long time,“ I said. Looking as innocent and disappointed as a toddler about to lose her candy.
He finally had the confidence to pay and paid the $2,630 bill, including the parking lot and tips. I could sense he was cursing me from inside. As we got to the car, about going to our next entry, he got a call. He said he was urgently needed at home.
Damn! Bad timing.
His friend who was also his business partner was waiting for him to discuss something. I didn’t hear their conversation over the phone, but I suspected he used the call as an excuse to cancel.
I bought his lies. But my miserable self wasn’t satiated. I kept waiting for another opportunity to feed my unquenchable monster.
Unfortunately, this guy didn’t talk to me after that night. He went zombie on me. I sent him a text to know when we’ll meet next. He ignored me. We didn’t communicate until after four weeks and five days. Yes, I was counting! Even though I didn’t contact him all this time, I was still hoping he would come back.
When he finally called, I pretended to be surprised. Of course, I had to act real. But I expressed my interest to see him again. He wanted us to meet at some low-key spot.
I lied that I was out of town. I told him I had lodged at Indigo Resort and that I needed to get away because of stress and loneliness. He asked when I would be coming back, and I said I won’t be in Houston for a while. But he can join me at the resort and I will pay for his flight if he seriously wants to see me.
He jumped at my offer. I booked our flights to San Diego. But my date was a day earlier so I would be there before he arrived.
I made reservations for a couple’s spa treatment and arranged for a special dinner date. I even went on a limp to get him a gift, an $1800 Versace watch. I could tell he was overwhelmed by my gesture.
I was having fun myself. I got drunk that night, and this guy thought it was a perfect opportunity to get sex from me. He must have confused my actions or maybe he just expected sex as part of my benevolence.
When we got to his room, I said goodnight and went to my bedroom. He tried to stop me, decorating my neck and face with kisses to get me turned on. I pushed him away and told him to not ruin my day with his selfish demand. That straightened him up a bit.
I already made a sacrifice to pay for this trip so he wouldn’t think I owe him anything. But to my surprise, he wanted more.
Over brunch, he apologized for misbehaving last night. He said he had been thinking of telling me how he feels but was scared I would turn him down. He said he wanted our relationship to be more than just friendship.
He wanted me to consider the possibility of marrying him so he wants us to start with a permanent relationship. He even offered to be my sperm donor since having another child will make me feel less miserable.
Tck! How rude of him!
I was slightly offended that he used marriage to entice me. But I waved that anger away because I wasn’t going to allow his selfishness to get in my happiness.
We spent three days at the hotel, but I made sure the memories were unforgettable. As for his proposal and offer, I didn’t think about it, nor did I revisit the conversation. I’m tired of repeating the same thing to people like him who think women are desperate for marriage.
Society makes single women miserable
Single women are not miserable because they don’t have a husband or child. We are miserable because we have plenty of time to ourselves and we careless about pleasing others.
We are miserable because we have to endure people’s opinions that are contrary to ours. We are frustrated for repeating the same thing over and over again that our happiness lies in our freedom of uncompromised attention to ourselves.
We are frustrated because society can’t seem to understand that taking care of a pet is less of a burden than taking care of a husband or child and they continue to impose family structure on us.
Single women are miserable for living an uncompromising life and giving themselves priority over anything else. But it also makes us happier.
Just like biological parents are having fun raising their kids despite the frustration of paying their child’s insurance and sacrificing ‘me-time’ for their children’s wellbeing. Single women are also having fun despite not having anyone to care for.
Even though statistics prove that parents are less happy than non-parents and that children lower life quality, single women keep getting embarrassed by mothers who think they are more worthy of their womanhood.
Another study shows that single women are 10x happier than married women and the fact that no one approves of single women’s happiness is more depressing than loneliness.
I’m so miserable that that thought of marriage makes me sick. Do you know what’s more terrifying than raising a child? Putting up with a man’s ego.
The nerve of men to expect women to be the perfect loyal partner forever when they cannot stay loyal for more than 12 months in the marriage. Some will even betray you on the wedding day with your bridesmaid.
Life is miserable for everyone in one way or the other. Mothers and fathers don’t have it easier than spinsters and bachelors. We all face challenges in some aspect of our lives.
From all indications, it appears that single women are intentionally shamed because they reject social expectations of women. Society thinks by shaming women for being single, all women will be forced to return to patriarchal standards.
Somehow I’m relieved that I was born after the feminist movement began. This gives me more power to resist social pressure knowing that being selfish is a prerequisite to happiness.
According to statistics, single men are more unhappy than single women, yet, no one shames single men. So next time someone tries to pity me for being single, I will assure them that I’m so miserable that their words fall on deaf ears.
And now that researchers have proven that being single and childless makes you richer, I might just forget my desire to have a son and bank more money for my retirement and live a fabulously rich miserable life.
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This post was previously published on medium.com.
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Photo credit: shahin khalaji on Unsplash
