No matter what the medium, every good story needs a bad guy. Dislikable characters such as Bill Sikes from Oliver Twist, Huckleberry Finn’s father, Miss Havisham in Great Expectations. As far back as Grendel’s mother in Beowolf or Dante’s Lucifer, the stories that stand the test of time usually feature a memorable antagonist.
The plays of William Shakespeare are full of unpleasant sorts, from Lady Macbeth to Richard the Third and pretty much everybody in King Lear. Titus Andronicus feeds the Queen of the Goths her two sons baked into a meat pie.
Murderous scoundrels, driven by selfishness, greed and envy to despicable acts, but not the worst. Not the biggest of all William Shakespeare’s many jerks.
Shakespeare’s biggest jerk, the biggest jerk in all of classic literature, is Romeo Montague.
For those that don’t remember, Romeo actually starts the play “in love” with somebody else, Rosaline Capulet. Depressed because he’s not allowed to meet her due to strife between the two families, he sneaks into a party the Capulets are throwing and decides that he actually like Juliet better, somebody else that he knows he won’t be allowed to be with.
After yelling some pretty words at her balcony, they run off together and get married. The next day.
Eventually a guy named Tybalt, pissed off at Romeo for pulling all these shenanigans and messing with his family, challenges Romeo to a duel and gets himself killed. This leads to Romeo’s exile, but not before sneaking into Juliet’s room and deflowering her. After a meddling Friar helps her come up with the worst plan in history, Romeo kills somebody else, then kills himself, leading to her eventual suicide.
Jerk.
He’s the embodiment of every father’s fear for his daughters. A selfish, horny little troublemaker that comes along with blue eyes, flowery compliments, and a promise of “true love”, turning an impressionable young girl against her family and ultimately leading to tragedy.
The worst thing about Romeo is his legacy. Four hundred years of teenage girls believing in nonsense like “love at first sight” and “soulmates.” Believing that we just don’t understand the depth of their feelings and the truth of their love.
There are plenty of people who have married their high school sweetheart and gone on to live long and happy lives together, but for most these years are a nightmare of hormones, disappointment, and confusion. I believe that before truly loving another, before being able to recognize someone that is their real compliment, a person must first figure out who they really are themselves, a process that takes time.
The one platitude I do believe is that there is somebody for everyone, even if it may take longer than we’d like. Don’t settle for the first smooth talking punk trying to push his way past yonder window.
“Do not swear by the moon, for she changes constantly. Then your love would also change.”
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This post was previously published on ThirstyDaddy and is republished here with permission form the author.
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