I think I’ve been love bombed. I think you have too. It’s so common that anyone who’s dated more than one or two people has likely endured the emotionally jolting experience. All we’ve done in recent years is give it a name.
“Love bombing is an attempt to accelerate the birth and growth of feelings within the victim by creating an intense atmosphere of affection and adoration. It is designed to disarm an individual’s natural guardedness so that they do not question the direction and speed a relationship is headed in.” — A Conscious Rethink
Love bombing entails a manipulative behavior combination that sends you on a ride just as wild. It ends with a sudden shift, where the person seems to not care about you at all. But it’s not difficult to find yourself love bombed because we all want to love and be loved. This innate desire is what makes the tactic difficult to detect. It’s what the love bomber preys on.
There are a few different types of love bombers as motivations vary:
1. The Ego Booster
This love bomber uses the love of others to feel better about themselves. It’s never about you or a genuine concern for your well-being and happiness. It’s a need to get you to fall for them to support their own sense of self-worth. To stroke their ego
It’s a challenge. You’re the prize. Snagging you makes them the winner. Then they’re off to start a new game with someone else.
2. The Ego Wounder
Putting you in your place is the goal of this love bomber who’s likely insecure and finds your confidence threatening. They want you to think less of yourself. What better way to do that than to leave you questioning why they no longer want you?
Once you’ve taken the bait and made yourself vulnerable, they point out every single flaw they can find or manufacture. Nothing you do will be right or enough. If you think you’re “all that,” they want to assure you that you’re not.
3. The Hopeless Romantic
Someone who’s a hopeless romantic doesn’t often have malicious intent. They just have an idea of love so utopian that they’re prone to creating it in places it doesn’t exist. This love bomber moves fast and decides they love you with limited information. Because what they really love is love itself. They’re chasing a feeling and slide you into the vacant spot in their fairytale.
Once the euphoria wears off, they may realize the reality of the relationship doesn’t match their vision. So, they declare you not “the one” and move on to the next potential soulmate. Of all the love bombers, this one is probably most sincere. They may even feel bad about hurting you. But nothing can stop their pursuit of the dream.
4. The Practicing Partner
We don’t always know what we’re looking for in a partner or if we even desire a committed relationship. Some go the way of figuring this out through learning about themselves, assessing their wants and needs, and even therapy. Then some use others to try and figure it out on the fly. They practice on your heart.
This love bomber goes all out in wooing you and exaggerating the seriousness of the relationship. But when it’s game time, they do an about-face. They avoid taking things to the official next level because they’re not sure how much they like you.
Experience is the best teacher. That also applies to dating. In a sense, dating is how you figure out what you need in a partner. It took someone treating me a certain way for me to realize that’s the way I want to be treated. The difference between learning and love bombing is the approach. I don’t act as though a relationship is more significant than I’m sure I want it to be.
An attempt at accelerating relationship progression doesn’t always signal love bombing. Sometimes we fall hard for someone. There are many different reasons this happens. Some healthy, some not so much. Sometimes we want to love and be loved so bad that we force the issue. Other times, two people form an instant, effortless connection. It’s real.
Nonetheless, love bombing is also real. And someone being aggressive with premature feelings and gestures is a dead giveaway that it’s happening. Though there are many motivations for such behavior, most signal narcissism and stem from the same place — brokenness. Because happy people don’t set out to destroy others.
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Previously Published on medium
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