Jamie was like many of us: she had hope and a heart full of goals as she tried to figure out how to be in relationships.
One morning when She meets Mike at a little bookstore tucked between their college and city library. It was one of those happy incidents that felt like something out of a romance book.
As the weeks turned into months, Jamie fell in love with him. In the middle of the excitement of LOVE, though, small signs began to show. These were signs that were simple to miss when the two people were in love but were very clear when they looked back.
#1. Overcontrolling He
He first made a nice suggestion about what Jamie should wear to a party.
He would smile and say, “I’m just watching out for you.”
After that, it turned into telling Jamie who to hang out with, where they should go, and even what they should eat. Under the guise of care and worry, this power crept into every part of their relationship.
The truth is that power is very sneaky.
It often comes into the picture dressed as love, which makes it hard to spot.
This is where the story changes. See, being controlling isn’t about love; it’s about power.
A red flag is waving very fast, telling us to be careful. Because they feel insecure and want to be in charge, they act this way, which is not good in a relationship.
And You know — Overcontrolling Behaviour is a kind of Emotional abuse.
It’s Like a poison in relationship according to Beverly Engel
“Emotional abuse poisons a relationship and infuses it with hostility, contempt, and hatred.” — Beverly Engel
In one research study, data from the 2008 Nigeria Demographic and Health Survey were used to look at how controlling husbands and partners affect Nigerian women’s risk of going through abuse. By looking at the answers of 2,877 women, they discovered that those who were controlled were much more likely to be victims of abuse.
As the study shows, controlling behavior is often a sign of violence between close partners, so it’s important to deal with both issues together.
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#2. The Gaslighting Gambit
When their relationship grew, she noticed that the way she talked to him made her feel uneasy.
His answers were strange during conversations, especially when she raised worries or talked about things that made her angry.
he would say, “You’re being too sensitive” or “That didn’t happen, you’re making it up.”
This wasn’t just a one-time thing; it became a trend that made her question their own memories and views.
This is the essence of gaslighting — a trick used to get someone to doubt their truth, their memory, or even their health.
This is a sneaky way to control someone’s mind that can make them lose confidence and feel alone and helpless. It’s important to spot gaslighting because it usually comes in the form of denial or dismissal, which makes it a huge red flag in any relationship.
It shows that you don’t value them and want to stay in charge by making them doubt their reality.
According to Harvard-trained psychologist Dr. Cortney Warren shares some common phrases used by the Gaslighters.
1. ‘You’re being crazy.’
2. ‘You’re overreacting.’
3. ‘I was just joking!’
4. ‘You made me do it.’
5. ‘If you loved me, you’d let me do what I want.’
6. ‘I’m only telling you this because I love you.’
7. ‘This is all your fault.’
8. ‘Everyone agrees with me — you’re just difficult.’
9. ‘The real problem is…’
…
3. Ignoring Game
There were also the silences — cold, intentional silences that followed every time she talked about a need or a worry. she thought he wasn’t hearing her at first, but it was soon clear that he was purposely ignoring her.
This technique, which is easy to miss, is a way to control someone’s emotions by making them feel like their feelings and wants are not important.
When someone tries to talk to you, especially in a relationship, ignoring them is the same as telling them, “Your feelings and thoughts don’t matter.”
It’s a red flag that shows they don’t care about or respect you, which are two important parts of a good relationship.
…
She started to understand what these warning signs meant. It was hard.
When you acknowledged them, you had to face the sad truth that their love story wasn’t so much a fairy tale as it was a lesson. But this understanding showed the way to freedom.
She knew love shouldn’t make them feel trapped or like it was taking away their freedom, happiness, or sense of self-worth.
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This post was previously published on medium.com.
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From The Good Men Project on Medium
What Does Being in Love and Loving Someone Really Mean? | My 9-Year-Old Accidentally Explained Why His Mom Divorced Me | The One Thing Men Want More Than Sex | The Internal Struggle Men Battle in Silence |
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