His love for me and my children was the best medicine our family needed.
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It’s been 20 months since I met Jason, who stepped in to raise my children.
And I didn’t just have typical children. I had two children under the age of five, and one had severe low-functioning Autism. I wouldn’t wish that scenario upon anyone.
I started to believe that I would find the greatest, most compassionate, most loving man out there who would help me to help my son. And then I proved myself right.
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The spectrum of Autism is wide, and lumps together intellectual geniuses with children that can’t speak, won’t eat different foods, have difficulty sleeping through the night, issues regulating their emotions, and so forth. My son was on the much more severe, lower-functioning end of the spectrum when I met Jason.
At this time, I was still forcing bites of food in my son Dominic’s mouth just so he would remember he actually liked the taste, and then he would eat it. I was still changing his diapers, at five years old. I was still being hit, kicked and screamed at by him all throughout the days, too. It was scary to be in my situation, really. I knew I needed help, and I wanted someone to love, but at the same time I didn’t wish the role upon anyone. You know, the whole “woe is me.” But instead of being a victim, and thinking that no one would want to be in this situation with me, I turned my life around. I started to believe that I would find the greatest, most compassionate, most loving man out there who would help me to help my son. And then I proved myself right.
I met Jason on Match.com. Seriously. And we fell madly in love within just a few dates. I was completely upfront about my son’s Autism, and he rose to the challenge. In fact, his sister had Cerebral Palsy and Autism, and he said it was one of the reasons he was interested in me. He moved us into his home after only four dates!
But as with most things in life, I believe that what is the most challenging, has the possibility to be the most rewarding as well.
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But the journey was not easy. We were madly in love, but the hardships of raising a child in so much pain and confusion were severe. There were times that I loved Jason so much but my son’s screaming and other issues were so hard for him to bear, and got in the way of our new relationship, that I wished he would walk away to a better life. I just wanted the best for him. I told him several times that if he did walk away, I wouldn’t blame him. It broke my heart to be with someone who said they loved me so much, yet to feel like I lowered the quality of their life. But I know I didn’t. He’s a free man with free choice. And of course, he always reassures me how much value I add to his life, and how much value the children add too.
It’s been no easy task, and no one could possibly understand the suffering unless they walked the journey themselves. But as with most things in life, I believe that what is the most challenging, has the possibility to be the most rewarding as well. And I’m thrilled to say that with Jason’s love, determination, and loyalty to our family and relationship, we have both been able to accomplish so much for my son that he has made tremendous progress. He has recovered from many of his sensory difficulties and shed many of his autistic behaviors as well.
With Jason’s support, I was able to quit my job and stay home full-time with my children and cook the whole family healthy allergy-friendly meals. Dominic was struggling with nutritional deficiencies, food allergies (or otherwise what’s known as leaky gut,) and a toxic overload, that were difficult to maintain and heal as a single mother. With Jason’s guidance, I was able to provide a happy and safe home environment for my children with the love and commitment they needed to thrive, and heal. In the last 20 months, with Jason’s help, my son has become fully potty-trained and has been accident-free for over six months. He now attends public school and is reading and writing above grade level! He’s even doing math, playing instruments, and learning to surf. With Jason’s commitment to get through the difficulties we faced, we have been able to move what felt like mountains before.
hope that other couples and families struggling with similar issues can turn their outlook around and use their challenges as a force of strength, bonding and commitment to each other.
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My daughter also recovered from Irritable Bowel Syndrome when I stayed home and implemented the GAPS (Gut and Psychology Syndrome) Diet for the whole family. It turns out, Dominic wasn’t the only one who needed to heal.
I owe it to Jason’s determination to be there for me and our family. No matter how hard it got sometimes, he continued to love us. You would think life is hard enough as it is, but to throw in a child with autism and severe sensory difficulties into the mix would make it unbearable. I hope other men can look to Jason as a role model and as an example of what can be accomplished given the right outlook and skill set. I hope that other couples and families struggling with similar issues can turn their outlook around and use their challenges as a force of strength, bonding and commitment to each other. Because that’s what it’s going to take. Our challenges can make us great or they can make us hate.
Based on a United States government study, the prevalence of children with Autism was one in 50 in 2012 for children aged 6 – 17. And if Autism continues to rise at the rate it’s been rising for the last 15 years, it will affect 50% of all children, and 80% of boys, by the year 2030. It’s an epidemic right now, and it’s raising faster than Diabetes, Cancer and Childhood Obesity combined.
With that said, I think the world needs more men like Jason. Men that can help these kids heal by setting such a superb example and fostering an environment to heal in.
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Photo: Jason and Dominic / Courtesy of Author
There are more men like him, Karrie. Most of us are. We just oppress and ignore them but chose to write and demonstrate the 5 percent of bad men out there.
The very fact that more boys then girls face autism is one of those bits of oppression, or better yet, our lack of men’s health in general.