TikTok Helps Genderqueer Teen Realize Their True Self [Video]

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Growing up in the suburbs of New York City, Li never really had gendered clothes or toys as a child. In fact, they never really confronted their gender or sexuality until middle school, when a close friend came out as being a member of the LGBTQIA+ community. This, combined with a lot of downtime due to COVID, inspired Li to think more about their own identity – eventually resulting in the realization that they were bisexual.

But their journey didn’t stop there – a supportive reaction from their mom pushed Li to think more broadly about gender and, before long, they were distancing themselves from the femininity they had been conforming to. After some reflection, Li decided to make some significant changes in their life – changing their name, their pronouns, their appearance, and, finally, coming out to their mom as gender fluid. Once again, their mother demonstrated unconditional love, giving Li just the support they needed to finally figure themselves out and thrive.

Transcript provided by YouTube:

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[Music]
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foreign
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my name is Lee I’m from Somers New York
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my parents never forced gender Norms on
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me I never had like super masculine or
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feminine toys as a kid or clothing they
0:17
kind of let me lean towards that myself
0:19
but the only problem with that was when
0:21
I went into like kindergarten and
0:23
elementary school I had more exposure to
0:27
stereotypes and the expected
0:30
expectations of society and how I had to
0:33
be feminine and I had to have long hair
0:35
and I had to like bright colors I never
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really confronted my sexuality or gender
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until seventh grade where I had a friend
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of mine come out as part of the LGBT
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community and I was very supportive of
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them because I knew what the LGBT
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community was at the time but I never
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knew about the gender
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spectrum and so when they told me about
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that I was like oh that’s interesting
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and I kind of looked into that myself
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and I kind of held off on that until
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kovid which was mid 8th grade during
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covet I had a lot of time to think
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because school was online and I was
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alone a lot I had time to go online and
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go on social media and kind of expose
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myself to different types of um like
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alter alternative Tick Tock or
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alternative means of living and like
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dressing differently and being who you
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are I was surprised that so many people
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had similar stories to me and I was like
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that’s strange maybe I should look into
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this as well I went on like a chat site
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because I was still trying to figure
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myself out and I found this person on a
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bisexual tag and so I was talking to
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them and they were explaining being
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bisexual doesn’t have to be both it
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could be a preference it could be fluid
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it could be whatever you wanted to be
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and I was like oh I had like an aha
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moment and I was like
2:01
I am bisexual this Epiphany was really
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important to me because
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all of my childhood I was so focused on
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liking men and the TV shows and movies I
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watched I was like I though that man’s
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cute I should like that man but when I
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look back a lot of moments I a lot of
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moments I had were like from the Batman
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and Poison Ivy movie I like poison ivy a
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lot more than I like Batman which was a
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little funny to me now that I think back
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to it because I never really thought
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about it like that so two months later I
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uh go to sit down with my mom who was at
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the dining table at the time on her
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phone just doing her own thing and I sit
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down next to her and I pull out my phone
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I Google like bisexual flag and I pulled
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up and I showed it to her she needs
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reading glasses and I totally forgot
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about that aspect but she was like
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what is this I don’t understand and I
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point to it like a little bit farther
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away so you can see and it said bisexual
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and I was like hey this is me this is
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who I am this is what I feel and she’s
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like oh that’s great and she was super
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supportive and she told me she’d love me
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and that she’d always be there for me
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which is
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which was very important to me
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especially at what I was like age 14
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with my mom being supportive she kind of
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helped me
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out of that gender conforming femininity
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and so I started exploring more
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masculine clothing and I put up like
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Flags in my room and I got more
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comfortable on my own skin so in ninth
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grade I kind of got a little bit more
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disconnected from that femininity and I
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cut my hair short which was a really big
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step for me because I wanted to present
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more masculine and I wanted to use
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different pronouns and I wanted to be
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this
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non-feminine non-masculine kind of just
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person so my mom had been away for a few
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months in San Francisco for work so we
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went to go visit her and we were just
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walking down the sidewalk one day and I
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was talking to her and I wanted to come
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out in like the least stressful way
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possible so
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um just when it was quiet for a second I
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said hey mom
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um I’m gender fluid do you know what
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that means and she said no what is that
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so I explained to her about the gender
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spectrum and gender fluid and how I’d be
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using a different name and different
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pronouns which is a lot to process what
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she said to me was she was like
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I just need some time to process this
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because using a different name and
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pronouns can be a big step especially
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for my mom who’s known me my entire life
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and been using the same name and same
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pronouns for me ever since I was little
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and so later on
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she got more comfortable with it and she
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uses my name and pronouns all the time
4:45
and she barely ever slips up and she’s
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so good about introducing me to people
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as Lee and it’s absolutely wonderful I
4:53
sometimes like look in the mirror and
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I’m like what happened this is like two
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year difference and everything changed
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and I feel so happy
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and it was just this wonderful wonderful
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two years where I could finally figure
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myself out even today I still feel
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forcibly feminized I still feel like I
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have to be feminine sometimes especially
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to present in front of older people who
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don’t understand so much yet and it’s
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still really difficult obviously and
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it’s going to take some time so I really
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hope for a more gender non-conforming
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future especially for younger people
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like me you don’t have to put yourself
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in a box you don’t have to conform to
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people’s standards you can be respectful
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to yourself and be respectful of others
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the only opinion about yourself that
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matters is your own and you shouldn’t
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have to worry about anyone else’s
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opinion about yourself and you shouldn’t
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have to worry about what people think
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you should wear you should wear whatever
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you want
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foreign

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This post was previously published on YouTube.

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Photo credit: Solen Feyissa on Unsplash