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We recently ran a post by Dr. Mark Sherman—Should a Father Pretend not to Notice Beautiful Women When With his Young Son? — Are fathers doing their sons a disservice when they pretend to not notice attractive women?—and we noticed that the comments we what we anticipated. At the same time, they invite more questions.
Being a participatory media company, we want to hear your voice—or, in this case, read your story!
Do we want boys and men who force themselves not to look, or do we want boys and men who understand that physical is surface and love and sexual expression are deeper, emotional and complex?
What about the heteronormativity (assumptions that all sons are attracted to women) in the post? What happens when a father looks at a woman and the son can’t relate?
Here is a comment from a GMP member Danny:
But, when does a glance become a leer? Two or three seconds maybe?
A good question Lisa [other member commenting]. The problem is in all the talk of “don’t ogle women” “don’t stare at them” “don’t objectify women” the one thing that seems to always get left out is defining what’s acceptable and unacceptable. I’ve participating in past posts here on this topic and when a guy asked a question like “how long is too long” he would either be ignored or accused [of] trying to derail the conversation.
As a result the difference between a glance and a leer becomes a nebulous cloud where the difference is in constant flux. And without an actual answer every instance of a guy looking at a woman becomes fair game to be called leering.
So, how long is an acceptable glance at an attractive stranger/passerby? Is that length of time different for a person you know and who knows you?
How have you handled a similar opportunity for fathers to talk to their sons about relationships and sexual attraction?
What about distinguishing between sexual attraction based on evolutionary biology and the bond of a relationship?
Tell us your story!
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Photo credit: Flickr/Marco Guimelli