John McElhenney knows what love feels like. And sometimes in his new relationship he can feel the glow spreading out around him.
I know it when I’m radiating love. I know it when I’m with my lover and we’re both in the glow. I know that I was seeking a new partner for six years after my divorce, and THIS TIME, I knew I had met my match.
This relationship is different from any I’ve ever experienced. (Do we say that about every new love?) It’s based on a very different set of rules than my previous marriages. This one has nothing but desire holding us together. I’ve got kids, she doesn’t. I’ve got debt, she’s got some money. I’ve got a creative fire that warms us both. She’s got an athletic passion that pulls us both along to healthier lifestyles.
When you’re around us, you know, you feel, that you are with lovers. We have an easy and playful way of being together. Even when we’re in disagreement we find ways to laugh about the differences. And that’s how our relationship started. I was living in my mom’s house. (Embarassing moment.) And she says, “You must be writing some hilarious stories about that.” She was right. But she was also letting me know she saw through my present situation and was still bright-eyed and bushy-tailed about getting us together.
She had a plan. She lured me in with tennis. She read my blogs which laid out the simple roadmap to my heart. And then she joined. She laughed. She slid up beside me and never left. It was an easy join and an even easier period of getting to know one another. Now, a year later, we’ve both become even more comfortable together. We let the disagreements roll off our backs. We move onward with our own agendas and plans. And then we return to our side-by-side connection. And we cherish that connectivity.
This past weekend we were vacationing in Canada and it was apparent the joy we were spreading as we walked around the freezing city. People recognize two genuine lovers. People feel warmed in the glow of our friendship and joy. Perhaps we are giving a gift of our love to others. Or perhaps it’s the gift of hope. That someone is out there.
We’d both been through divorces. We’d seen the things we didn’t want to do in relationships. And we set out on a mission to secure someone with more like-minded sensibilities. And when we connected the YES YES YES came through us loud and clear, like and electric current, or a magnet. And we bonded within weeks and were living together within a few months. And the rest… they say…
Well, we both know the rest is ahead of us. We are not looking too far forward from the present moment. We are fully committed and fully alive. And at the same time, our love allows us to be flexible and ambitious within the relationship. We are choosing, every day, to be together. We are respecting each other’s space and energy, every morning when we wake up and make coffee for each other. We look into each other’s eyes and say a blessing.
Can we stay in puppy love forever? I don’t know, but we’re doing pretty good.
Love is a gift. By sharing your joy with others they too are reminded of love in their lives. You must go for 100% love. Settling in this department will not serve you. Perhaps those little warning signs we had in our marriages should’ve waved us off. So far, for me, there have been no warning signs in this relationship. Some things I don’t like, sure, but we’re wide open about those too.
Love is letting the other person be whole and complete without your influence or supervision. And then in love returning to hold the other person in the highest regard because you want to, because you can’t help it, because love fuels every muscle in your body. That’s love. This is love. May you feel it in your life, as I have found it in mine.
back to Dating After Divorce
Other Posts of Interest:
- Dating a Divorced Dad – Version 2.0 Updated
- The Spiritual Quest for Love
SingleDad In Love, Again (the grand conclusion)
- The 6-Step Relationship Strategy
image: tango fatal, creative commons usage