When a person is physically abused you can see the bruises, the scars, the black eyes or broken bones. When a person is abused verbally, there are no visible scars. The wounds are deep emotional ones and they’re invisible. That doesn’t make them hurt any less. Being demeaned and told that you’re worthless and unloved is a terrible feeling. Verbal abuse is tricky because the abuser doesn’t start out abuser most of the time. They are skilled with words and often make their partner feel good at first. Then they start in with the abuse after getting their partner to trust them. There are also many different forms of abuse that fall under the category of verbal abuse.
One form of abuse that is difficult to pinpoint is when the abuse is masked as a joke. For example, the abuser makes fun of their partner for being overweight. When their partner says that this hurts their feelings, the abuser claims that they were just joking and tells the person to stop making such a big deal about it. This kind of guised humor devalues the abused person’s feelings and makes them feel unheard.
Another factor with verbal abuse is that often the family members of the abused don’t know what is going on. When the abused person tries to reach out to their family for help, the family may not believe them. The abuser is so good at covering their tracks, not showing their true colors as it were. That’s why getting help when you’re being verbally abused can be difficult. Who do you reach out to for help? All you want is for someone to believe you. It’s so hard to figure out who that person could be. Seeking help can be a hard step to take but, once you take that action, you’ll begin to see your own internal power.
The first way to fight back against verbal abuse is to remove the abuser’s power: words. Remember that the words they are slinging at you are not indicative of your self-worth. They are dealing with their own internal demons and projecting them onto you. It’s hard not to take their words as the absolute truth, but they are not true. They might feel real and true, but they are not who you are.
Abusers are extremely manipulative and know your weaknesses. They will tease them out of you and use them against you. Let’s say you’re insecure about yourself in social situations. Your abuser might make fun of how much awkward you are in social situations because they know that makes you feel bad about yourself. Abusive partners look for what makes you feel badly and prey upon that. Remember that when they are trying to make you feel awful about yourself.
Remember: you are not a victim, you are a survivor.
Are you being verbally abused? You can reach out for help. Contact Safe Horizon: https://www.safehorizon.org/
—
Originally published on Huffington Post
—
◊♦◊
Here are more ways to become a part of The Good Men Project community:
Request to join our private Facebook Group for Writers—it’s like our virtual newsroom where you connect with editors and other writers about issues and ideas.
Click here to become a Premium Member of The Good Men Project Community. Have access to these benefits:
- Get access to an exclusive “Members Only” Group on Facebook
- Join our Social Interest Groups—weekly calls about topics of interest in today’s world
- View the website with no ads
- Get free access to classes, workshops, and exclusive events
- Be invited to an exclusive weekly “Call with the Publisher” with other Premium Members
- Commenting badge.
Are you stuck on what to write? Sign up for our Writing Prompts emails, you’ll get ideas directly from our editors every Monday and Thursday. If you already have a final draft, then click below to send your post through our submission system.
If you are already working with an editor at GMP, please be sure to name that person. If you are not currently working with a GMP editor, one will be assigned to you.
◊♦◊
Are you a first-time contributor to The Good Men Project? Submit here:
◊♦◊
Have you contributed before and have a Submittable account? Use our Quick Submit link here:
◊♦◊
Do you have previously published work that you would like to syndicate on The Good Men Project? Click here:
Join our exclusive weekly “Call with the Publisher” — where community members are encouraged to discuss the issues of the week, get story ideas, meet other members and get known for their ideas? To get the call-in information, either join as a member or wait until you get a post published with us. Here are some examples of what we talk about on the calls.
Want to learn practical skills about how to be a better Writer, Editor or Platform Builder? Want to be a Rising Star in Media? Want to learn how to Create Social Change? We have classes in all of those areas.
While you’re at it, get connected with our social media:
- To join our Facebook Page, go here.
- To sign up for our email newsletter, go here.
- To follow The Good Men Project on Twitter, go here.
◊♦◊
However, you engage with The Good Men Project—you can help lead this conversation about the changing roles of men in the 21st century. Join us!
◊♦◊
We have pioneered the largest worldwide conversation about what it means to be a good man in the 21st century. Your support of our work is inspiring and invaluable.
—
Photo credit: Shutterstock ID 691735981