Want to Keep Your Relationship from Cooling Down?

Although as a married person, I am basically immune to attacks on my single status, I recently received a dose of “dog food” [affectionate displays] in a frenzy.

Here’s what happened: Mr. Li, a senior colleague in our company, usually looks severe and doesn’t smile much.

No one would have thought that the day before yesterday when he was about to leave work, he hurriedly ordered a large bouquet of flowers and sent it to the company, a big bunch of bright red roses.

It turned out that today was his 15th wedding anniversary with his wife, and he was planning to surprise her with a romantic gesture by picking her up at her workplace when she finished work.

After learning about this, our colleagues in the office teased him, saying he was hiding his genuine emotions, that he loves his wife, and that he is a man who does great things quietly.

But Bruce, who has a good relationship with him, just smiled and said he had long been used to it.

One time he went to Mr. Li’s house to invite him for a drink, and when he was about to go out, he put on his shoes and was ready to run outside.

But he found that Mr. Li wasn’t following him at all. When he turned around, he found that Mr. Li was hugging and kissing his wife goodbye.

At first, he felt a little embarrassed to see this scene, but after going to Mr. Li’s house several times, he became used to their “honeymoon” way of being together, and nothing surprises him anymore.

I believe that at this point, whether you are a young couple in love or an old married couple like me, you must be envious of the way Mr. Li and his wife get along with each other.

So how can we be as sweet as them and have such a good relationship after more than a decade?

Mr. Li said: “Understanding each other’s feelings, be considerate, and always add two more points of love.”

What does this mean?

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Understanding Each Other’s Feelings

The so-called “understanding each other’s feelings” means that there must be a common connection between your emotions and the other person’s emotions at all times.

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For example, a while back, when Old Li’s mother ill, his wife informed him of the news via text message as soon as possible. However, due to the suddenness of the matter, and the fact that it was too much of a blow for him, he didn’t know how to respond for a while. He even avoided answering his wife’s phone calls.

When his emotions had calmed down a bit, he called his wife back and said, “I’m sorry, dear. I really didn’t know how to respond to you just now, and I was really scared. I know about this now. Let’s talk more about it when we get home.”

He said that he could have simply replied with the four words “I know about this now,” but if he had, he would have completely shut himself off and refused to share his feelings with his wife.

Often, when two people are together, it can be very simple. At the very least, let the other person know what your feelings are, and that your emotions are connected to each other.

When you don’t know what to do, just tell them that you don’t know what to do. They’re not your enemy; you’re together to face the world.

Be considerate

Many times, people’s emotions are conveyed through body language. When this kind of bodily communication becomes a habit, it will become an automatic emotional memory in the subconscious.

That is to say, when two people often maintain intimate physical interactions, their “high interaction” will naturally form or strengthen their “honeymoon” emotions.

Many couples who have been married for many years gradually enter a semi-isolated mode, not only losing the passion of the love era but even moving towards indifference from the body to the mind.

This is actually because their daily lives lack the awakening of bodily memories.

Neuropsychological studies have shown that physical contact affects the secretion of substances such as oxytocin and dopamine in the brain, and these substances have corresponding effects on our emotions and behavior.

Therefore, couples should never forget the importance of physical communication, such as a good morning kiss every morning, a hug before parting, occasionally helping your husband shave or giving your wife a massage before bed, and even frequently changing the style of sexual life, all of which can quickly ignite each other’s passion, and enhance the concentration and viscosity of love.

Extra “2 Points” of Love

Whether in dating or marriage, we should always maintain these two types of love: sharing and supporting.

Sharing is an important part of enhancing intimacy, which means “you have me, I have you,” with no boundaries between each other’s worlds. Sharing can include emotions, feelings, material possessions, and money.

Should men share their worries with their wives? If the other party is willing to listen, it is worth a try to share it with her because she also has the right to share the burden with you.

In addition to sharing, supporting is also very important in the relationship between the sexes. Life is long, and what we need is not just someone to share our joy with, but also someone who can withstand the storms with us and be the strongest support when we are most vulnerable.

Supporting means more responsibility and obligation. It can be as small as doing some household chores or as big as standing by your side with firmness and courage during difficult times.

Life is not easy, but when the person beside you is always there for you, you will have more meaning and courage to continue living.

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This post was previously published on medium.com.

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