Hello! I’m Lisa Hickey, Publisher of The Good Men Project. I host these calls every Friday. Today is Friday, August 27th
First I want to start with some announcements!
We now have an app in the app store! It only took us about 3 years since we started to get it done. But it is officially in the Apple Store now.
Top 10 posts on our list of Trending on The Good Men Project.
This is from David Valdez, who has a weekly column called “Your Other Dad Says” on The Good Men Project. The reason it is called “Your Other Dad Says” is because he is a gay dad. So, when his kids ask a question, instead of saying “Go ask your mom” he says “Go ask your other dad”.
This post has some really straightforward information on what to do if you have a friend who is suicidal. A lot of the information I did not know. For example, it is important to differentiate if your friend just has “suicidal ideation”, where he is thinking about suicide but doesn’t have an active plan. If they have an active plan, your actions need to be much different — you need to try to get that person as much help as needed.
The first thing I ever did was cry. When I first opened my mouth. When my skin was first brushed with air. When I first felt touch as the doctor’s gloved hands pull me out of my mother’s womb. I cried. Didn’t you? I cried when I was hungry and I didn’t have words to ask for food. I cried when I was tired and needed mommy to rock me to sleep. I cried when I was hurt and didn’t know why that needle just gave me an owie with my first shot. I cried when I was scared so daddy would know to soothe me and hold me. Didn’t you?
right before I turned four, I was crying one day at school — which I often do when I feel stressed or sad or confused, I mean, I’m four — and my teacher tried to tell me there were only a few good reasons to cry: if I was hurt or scared or sick. She was asking, while I’m in the middle of being upset and not really able to have a rational conversation if I was any of those things. I said no and then she said, “So why are you crying?” She tried to tell me I didn’t have a good reason to be crying.
I think we forget that sometimes. Sometimes we cry, or are sad, or lonely, or depressed, or scared — without a “good reason”. But do we really need a good reason to be those things? Do we really need a reason to cry?
Reminds me of an article we published right when we launched — over 10 years ago. That article was “It’s like any other high school but without the bullies.”
gives many options for helping this happen including changing the curriculum, helping students talk positive actions to become more pro-LGBTQIA, creating safe spaces, gender-inclusive restrooms, counseling, library collections, hiring of more outwardly gay teachers to be role models, and more.
“Many of us are bringing our own vulnerability, maturity, and emotionality to the game. Emotionally distant partners are drawn to us because they don’t have those things and subconsciously want them. They don’t, however, want to do the work to either achieve them or to form a truly viable partnership. …Add to all that the anonymity possible on dating sites, and the emphasis on looks alone, and you have the prime recipe for heartbreak, scam, and being treated as a commodity, not a person or potential long-term love partner.”
#5) Dealing With Workplace Anger The challenges of a toxic work environment.
“20 years ago, the incidence of “going postal”—a worker becoming so angry that he took a gun to work and shot and killed his co-workers—was very rare. Now it is all too common. Those tragedies are just the tip of the iceberg. For every employee who becomes murderous, there are more who may sometimes fantasize about it, and even more who deal with afflictive anger in their workplace as a daily issue.”
Four methods of dealing with workplace anger: know you are angry, don’t “harbor” anger, seeking remedies, and as a last resort, quitting.
One of the things that I have told my staff recently is that I can look at the tone of my emails and use that as a red flag for when I might be sliding towards depression. If I find myself writing an email that “sounds” angry, I immediately take a look at whether I am starting to feel depressed and do everything I can to course correct to get out back to stability.
#3) Do My Biceps Look Big in This? Steve Garrett
The macho view of bravery which assumes that the use of violence is a way to solve interpersonal problems or gain power is more to do with the social conditioning which tells a man he has the right – and even an obligation – to flex his literal or metaphorical muscles to get what he wants. And the idea that men are ‘strong’, whereas women are ‘weak’, is one of the more ridiculous gender stereotypes still floating around.
#2) Staving Off 2045, When White People Become a Minority in America We talked about this post on the #StopRacism call, so I won’t repeat myself — but
And the four lies are
Men don’t cry
Men should sleep with as many women as possible (note that lie has heteronormaty built right in)
Men are strong
Men are not sensitive
Look at how many of those things relate to what we talked about in the other posts.
So that is it! I’m going to open it up to the community now! Comment on any or all of it.
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