It’s normal for your thoughts to wander during conversations with other people. For instance, consider everything you need to accomplish since you have a lot on your plate. Perhaps you and your spouse just argued and are still furious about it. Or maybe you’re so worn out that all you can think about is how comfortable your bed will be when you finally fall asleep.
When your thoughts start to wander, you may still hear what the other person is saying, but you are probably not paying attention to what they have to say. If others believe that you don’t listen to them much, it may negatively affect your interactions with them.
The Difference Between Hearing and Listening
Hearing
- Passive.
- Involuntary.
- Requires no effort.
- Physiological perception of sound.
We receive sounds through hearing, a passive, involuntary sensory process. It is a physiological reaction that affects how we hear. It doesn’t need your full attention.
For instance, when you’re watching television, you can still hear your neighbor’s dog barking, the sound of traffic or sirens outside, and people laughing in the corridor.
Listening
- Active.
- Voluntary.
- Requires effort.
- Intentional interpretation of sound.
Making meaning of the words and sounds you hear when listening entails being attentive and is an active, deliberate, and purposeful activity. Consequently, you can experience an emotional reaction to what you hear. Active listening is defined as hearing with the goal of understanding.
If someone is talking about a challenging day at work, you are likely to pay close attention to them. You will begin to comprehend what they went through and how it affected them as they spoke. This will enable you to express yourself thoughtfully and question pertinent queries to learn more about their expertise.
The Role of Hearing and Listening in Mental Health
Our lives depend heavily on both hearing and listening. Hearing is sensory input, but listening is a technique to build relationships with others.
Hearing Matters for Mental Health
Our ability to hear is a crucial sense that aids global navigation. The loss of hearing can significantly impact mental health since it can cause sadness, social disengagement, self-worth changes, and rage.
It’s crucial to remember that listening without the use of your hearing may be accomplished by utilizing sign language and paying attention to body language. If you’re having trouble adjusting to your hearing loss or are depressed, you can get mental health therapy.
Listening Matters for Mental Health
We are social creatures with a deep need to belong and connect. We can become more compassionate and empathic, more curious about other people’s lives, and more connected when we listen.
Your sense of connection and belonging may suffer if you are not listening to others or being heard. You undoubtedly remember a moment when you didn’t feel like you were being listened to. As a result, you could have regarded unappreciated, alone, and uncared for, all of which can lead to guilt, worry, and melancholy.
Relationships may be strengthened via active listening and conversation. Similar to how not listening may make relationships tense and distant, make it hard to settle problems, and harm your mental health and general well-being.
What Does It Mean to Hear and not Listen?
Some reasons why you may be hearing and not listening:
- You may not have learned the listening skill — this is perhaps the most common reason.
- You may be busy, distracted, or daydreaming.
- You may have social anxiety, making listening harder because you are focused on planning what to say next or worried about what others are thinking about you.
It’s also conceivable that you aren’t that interested. In this case, you reflect on your beliefs, be conscious of the connections and relationships that are significant to you, and decide on the kind of communication partner you want.
How to Improve Your Listening
- Make an effort to get better. It might be easier to think about how, when, and with whom you can practice listening if you have a specific objective in mind.
- Engage in mindfulness. Being mindful allows you to be more present. Simply observing what is currently capturing your attention — is it the person speaking to you or something else — will help you practice it. If you think about anything else, you may gently bring your attention back to the person by observing how their voice, words, and nonverbal expressions change.
- Be enquiring. You can listen and comprehend intently if you have a curious mind. Doing so causes you to naturally get more intrigued and interested in what the other person is saying.
- Give up making assumptions and judgments. You effectively shut off new information when you judge and make assumptions, which makes it less likely that you will pay attention and listen. Gaining more significant curiosity can also help you overcome preconceived notions and judgments.
- Summarise what you are hearing. Repeating in your own words what you hear the other person say can communicate that you’re engaged and gives the other person an opportunity to clarify any misunderstandings.
- Ask questions. Asking relevant, open-ended questions shows that you are listening and responding thoughtfully. If you’re unsure what to ask, you can think of who, what, when, where, or how questions.
- Make use of nonverbal cues. Making eye contact and sometimes nodding your head are nonverbal signs that show you are listening and paying attention.
- Attempt to verify. Recognizing how someone’s views and feelings are reasonable given their past or present circumstances may be highly valuable, even though giving someone your full attention can be validating in and of itself.
- Only offer counsel when necessary. Only attempt to fix their problem or offer advice if the person specifically requests it. We are fast to provide remedies because we frequently desire to assist others. However, individuals often want to be heard and understood, which can feel invalid.
- Put away distractions. This can be difficult since distractions constantly surround us. However, gestures such as putting your phone face down so you can’t see messages or notifications coming through or turning away from your computer screen can help you focus and be more attentive.
- Practice compassionate listening exercises. You and a partner can each take three to five minutes to share a personal story. There should be a 15- to 30-second pause before the other person starts sharing. After both people have shared their stories, you can take a few minutes to discuss what it was like to listen and be listened to in this way.
Conclusion
Even while we frequently confuse hearing with the listening, the latter is a more active action. In truth, you can do activities to improve your listening skills. Connect with others around you and strengthen your connections with them by actively listening to them.
…
This article was co-written with a therapist from Sensera — a self-help app that provides daily CBT audio sessions and exercises. The app helps people deal with a variety of mental issues (anxiety, low self-esteem, and relationship problems). Download now to become happier!
—
This post was previously published on medium.com.
***
You may also like these posts on The Good Men Project:
White Fragility: Talking to White People About Racism | Escape the “Act Like a Man” Box | The Lack of Gentle Platonic Touch in Men’s Lives is a Killer | What We Talk About When We Talk About Men |
—
Photo credit: Anna Vander Stel on Unsplash