One stormy October evening at midnight, I found myself on the cold kitchen floor of my beautiful penthouse condo; curled up in a fetal position, rocking back and forth, feeling like I wanted to die…I made one million dollars that year.
We’re busy chasing money, trying to fit in, be perfect men.
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So many of us men, (and women), spend our entire lives comfortably numb, asleep, frozen by fear, and in a hypnotic trance that’s been programmed into our minds from an unawakened and agenda driven society. We’re busy chasing money, trying to fit in, be perfect men (according to the media model and other people’s opinions), or worse yet, spending our lives doing what we thought we were supposed to do to “be successful;” thinking THAT’S “the answer,” so that we can FINALLY get our piece of the American Dream, be happy one day, and THEN start living.
The American dream, “What else is there?” we shout. What else indeed…only everything…only our very Souls.
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The first step to Enlightenment is to realize…that we’re full of sh*t.
Disclaimer: We’re not really full of it, we’re freakin’ awesome, it’s the programming and stories that we’ve bought into and allowed into the sacred interiors of our inner being.
The above premise, in my opinion, is the cause of an enormous amount of broken relationships, depression, disease, unhappiness, addiction, and even violence.
We live so much of our lives on autopilot from what’s been set up for us by society, group consciousness, and the media, (AKA the Matrix). We don’t take the time to really listen to the truth inside us; the voice that knows all, we end up ignoring the urges and promptings from our own heart so we can just fit in and do what’s expected of us, while inside, we’re fighting a battle, (often that no one knows about), that always keeps us OFF path and OUT of our power every single time.
After the first big “success” in my life, the Universe stepped in and smacked me.
EVERYTHING I knew, loved, believed in, and was programmed for, was stripped right out from under me leaving me fully exposed, spiritually naked to the core, and feeling empty and lost. This would be the first of many spiritual dynamite blasts to come until I got the message.
It would also eventually turn into the greatest gift of my life because it would be the catalyst that started my journey back to my true self, opening the floodgates to the right questions and inner wisdom that helped me see the light through the darkness, along with the ability to find the comedy in my dramas, deepest pains, and struggles.
Learning to fully empty yourself out and letting go of the old ways of living, or holding onto the past, is how truth finds its way back into your life.
It takes a willingness and receptivity.
For many of us it’s led by some sort of pain or trauma, which is one way to pull us back to the truth. Much of this is by design and set up as a sort of tracking system, so we know when we’ve lost our connection to our own heart, soul, and Source energy.
Truth, when invited in, pours through the tiny cracks in the walls of illusion in our lives and mends broken hearts, clears the mind, heals and opens the channels for us to SEE the TRUTH, like the sun penetrating the clouds, brick by brick, shattering and discarding ALL lies in its path, it all comes tumbling down, to reveal what’s always been there all along.
- Love.
- Truth.
- Clarity.
- Purpose.
- Energy.
- Freedom.
When we’re “off” path or doing what we “think” we should do, or what “they” tell us to do, it feels like we’re the living dead, and experiencing a slow, painful death.
For me, I spent way too long in my life chasing success and making money for its sake, as a trader, selling mortgages, real estate, doing internet marketing, business consulting, brokering deals etc.
I started out as a trader, which is what made me the first million by age 28, I was offered multiple opportunities to 10X that, but I walked away because it was destroying me, everyone around me thought I was crazy.
The problem was…
I was dying inside.
♦◊♦
I was rich yet I was living in poverty inside my very Being.
It was my wake up call, the slap in the head from life, the part of us that is always guiding us, even when we think we’re doing the right thing.
The truth was, before I left, I was angry, irritable, afraid, and felt like I had no purpose or meaning, I even had red shiners under my eyes, it looked like I was getting beat up daily, and I was, the body is amazing and will mirror an exact replica on the outside of what’s happening on the inside.
I started to meditate, write in a journal, read books, (now well over 1000 books) on personal development, ancient wisdom, success, psychology, and creativity. I went to hundreds of workshops, studied with the top gurus from all over the world, and lived my life as a personal quest to find AND live my Truth and purpose.
Now, I am doing what I LOVE and what I am here to do.
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Now, I am doing what I LOVE and what I am here to do. I’m an artist, writer, producer, comedian, and entrepreneur that is here to first and foremost to express myself creatively, and secondly to make a difference in millions of lives through my art, entertainment, and words.
So why does any of this matter to you?
I know that too many men are put into a box that THEY didn’t want to be in.
I’m personally sick and tired of hearing cliché descriptions and stories about men being stupid, one dimensional, having the inability to communicate, not being sensitive, or being obsessed with sports, drinking, money, and sex, (well two out of three aren’t bad.)
- It’s bullsh*t.
- Men feel and have big hearts too.
- I know what it’s like to wear a mask.
- I know what it’s like to pose.
- I know what it’s like to avoid and repress feelings.
- I know what it’s like to be depressed and angry.
- I know what it’s like to feel DIFFERENT and NOT fit in with the crowd.
- I know what it’s like to feel empty inside and like you have no purpose.
- I know what it’s like to feel alone.
- I know what it’s like to live a lie.
When you finally Give Yourself Permission to Live Your Truth, EVERYTHING changes.
♦◊♦
Yes, it’s a HUGE commitment to question your life, and to dig for truth.
But it is SO worth it.
You’ll face a lot of inner demons, darkness, and shadows. There’s old programs to dismantle, and struggle with what’s real and what’s illusion. People will fight for you to stay the same, and inevitably, there will be a part of you that will die, and this is a good thing.
Too many good men are hiding from their hearts, hurting themselves and those around them, while living a lie; it’s the ultimate destroyer of great men.
It is crucial to let yourself BE who you are MEANT to be.
On the other side of the work, when you tap into your heart, your soul, your purpose, your OWN Truth, and begin to LIVE IT, it is priceless, because it is the ultimate life filled with joy, freedom, massive abundance, meaning, amazing relationships, happiness, and the feeling of (maybe for the first time), being FULLY ALIVE and on purpose…
Truly the greatest gift you can give yourself, the people that matter, and the world.
Live Your Truth. Laugh Your Ass Off.
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This post is republished on Medium.
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