I’m convinced that I won’t find a mate in Oregon, at least not if they’re a cishet white guy.
It’s become a thing. On an average day, I come across at least a dozen white dudes with long beards. My maintenance man fits this description, as do dozens of neighbors. I almost always question their core beliefs, because we live in a state with an ugly racist history.
If they’re walking, I wonder if they drive a monster truck with “Oregunian” or “Trump 2024” bumper stickers. I probably make too many assumptions, but they are white men of the Pacific Northwest. They fit the stereotype, not only because we have more lumberjacks.
Musicians can look like that, too — with long beards, tattoos, flannel shirts, with construction day jobs. I’m attracted to rock stars and any women in flannel. But a dude who blasts the exhaust from his Ford with a Confederate flag flying out the back? Hell to the NO. If you don’t present as queer or femme, I worry that you might be a racist dirtbag disguised as a rugged bassist.
Subaru Outback has been known as a lesbian car since they launched a progressive campaign twenty years ago. It’s not a stereotype, but I always associate Subarus with lesbians or outdoorsy folks. One morning I drove behind someone in an Outback with the “Oregunian” sticker and shook my head. I think a guy was behind the wheel. Ok, they’re not lesbian and probably not progressive. Does that mean that not all white guys with beards are gun-toting racists?
I’m not sure where the progressive men are hiding. They could already be with progressive women. Maybe they can still afford to live in my hometown of Santa Barbara, CA. They’re playing acoustic guitar on their porch after commuting and working 10 hours at their high-paying tech job. Maybe they’re writing here to entertain and inspire. They don’t seem to reside in Eugene, Oregon.
I’m pansexual, so you’d think I could find someone anywhere I live, but the queer people I’ve liked are in committed monogamous relationships or too young for me. There aren’t as many Black and brown people here, either — only 1.4 percent of residents.
I’m excited to speak Spanish with my Mexican neighbors (10.6 percent of Latino people live here), or have my daughter attend a ballet at a Black-owned dance company. I smile when I think of the beautiful queer Black mama whose eyes flirted in my direction after class. But I have to work to find diversity here.
Although we have a robust LGBTQIA+ community, and I found a small yet significant Black community, I don’t see much else to lead me to a diverse dating experience. It’s that white guy over there or the other white guy over here.
So, yeah. My choices are white men with beards who might be white supremacists, queer poly women (yay, but where are you?), or cute yet immature lesbians. That explains why I’ve been single for so long. How small is my dating pool here? It’s a kiddo pool, you guys.
Am I being unfair? Should I assume these guys are not racists until proven otherwise? I mean, a beard is just facial hair, after all. I promise, if I lived anywhere else, I’d assume the best. I tend to find the good in most folks. I also like plenty of guys who wear beards. It’s not really about the beard.
However, if you’re a white cishet guy living in Eugene, I probably won’t try to figure out if we share values. I know you don’t need a long beard to be racist. You fuckers are everywhere, hiding in plain sight. I’m wary of the labor I may need to find out.
Until I meet a human who isn’t a walking stereotype, I’ll soak up our elusive sunshine in my small yet predictable pool. I’ll sleep in my comfy queen bed with my cats until further notice. Please let me know when SoCal gets to be too much and if you’re looking for a change. I welcome you up north. We need you here.
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This post was previously published on medium.com.
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