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Transcript provided by YouTube. Slightly edited with AI.
Avoidant or Anxious Based on the Situation
There is a fascinating and strange phenomenon that many people bring to me over the last 15 years of working with people in their dating lives. When someone likes them, they feel avoidant, but when someone is hard to get, they feel anxious and chase after them. What is the underlying factor that makes them doubt those who like them and feel certain about those who are hard to get?
Understanding Attachment Styles:
Many individuals find themselves in a conundrum, unsure of their attachment style. In moments of pursuit or being pursued, they oscillate between anxious and avoidant attachment styles. However, a crucial aspect of this phenomenon, once understood, can provide self-awareness and lead to healthier relationships.
The Person We’re Chasing:
When chasing someone elusive, our focus is solely on winning their affection. We become consumed by the mission to make them like us, leaving little room for self-reflection. This tunnel vision prevents us from assessing whether the person we are pursuing is genuinely compatible with our needs and desires.
The Person Who Likes Us Back:
Conversely, when someone reciprocates our feelings, it simplifies the situation. With less energy spent on pursuing, we gain the freedom to evaluate the person in front of us. This shift in focus allows us to scrutinize potential flaws and determine whether the person aligns with our values.
Being a Leader vs. Being a Follower:
The difference lies in being a leader or a follower in relationships. Leaders decide what they want and seek those qualities in a partner, avoiding the pursuit of elusive individuals. Followers, however, seek external validation and often chase after those who appear hard to get, equating scarcity with value.
How Do I Begin to Trust Myself?
The core issue at play is a lack of self-trust. Followers look to others for validation, while leaders have confidence in their own decisions. To break the cycle of seeking external validation, individuals must embark on a journey of self-confidence, internal compass development, and cultivating trust in their decision-making abilities.
The Invitation to Break the Cycle:
For those seeking a transformative experience, a retreat focused on building self-confidence and trust is available. The retreat aims to align individuals with their true desires, leading to long-term happiness and fulfilling relationships. More information about the retreat can be found at mhretreat.com.
Breaking the cycle of seeking external validation is crucial for finding peace and happiness in relationships. By developing self-confidence and trust, individuals can naturally attract the results they desire, making dating advice more effective. Thank you for watching, and I look forward to seeing you next time.
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This post was previously published on YouTube.
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