A great man is one of the most difficult to love. And only a few women, are lucky enough to find, have, and keep him.
This is how a lot of women think. Forgetting that our thinking can make us susceptible to unforetold suffering, pain, and unhappiness.
Sure, the strongest and most enduring relationships aren’t easy and even take lots of hard work. But it doesn’t mean they should be extremely emotionally stressful.
As someone who has gone through the sweat and pain of working on himself even emotionally wise, let me upgrade how you think about loving someone who’s difficult to love.
Here are signs your man might not just be hard to love.
He always steers clear of responsibility
This flaw in a romantic partner shows up a lot in conversations about what makes a great romantic partner.
No cap, it’s not just hard to love such kind of a person. It’s certainly gonna be emotionally stressful to be with a partner who so much lacks empathy. And is unable to put himself in your shoes and effectively apologize whenever he unintentionally or otherwise hurts you.
I’ve met a handful of people who would never take responsibility for or admit their mistakes because they’re obsessed with being right and projecting a strong persona. Hence, doing so seems like something that’ll make them come off as weaklings or an admission of inadequacy.
But none of these are valid reasons why anyone should never offer an apology when in wrong.
If your man often finds it difficult to think he’ll ever be at fault, then you probably deserve better than such an emotionally stressful man.
A great and loving person who’s also emotionally aware knows very well that it’s humane for one to make mistakes that’ll hurt others.
And hence, he’s humane, loving, and empathetic enough to often try to pave way for resolution, reaffirmation of shared values, and restoration of positive feelings during heated situations.
He doesn’t care enough to make you feel heard and seen
Not everyone is emotionally intelligent and aware enough to often pay undivided attention or even listen wholeheartedly to someone. And that’s the problem.
When you’re in a relationship where you don’t really feel seen, heard, and understood, what should be tattooed on your partner’s forehead is “I’m emotionally stressful.”
Because with such a partner, you’ll find it pretty hard to share even your most negative feelings, fears, doubts, insecurities, and even weaknesses. ’cause if you do, you’ll often get brutal judgments, emotional invalidations and blackmails, and even intense anger outbursts that’ll lead to mind-boggling arguments.
Only a few things are more emotionally nerve-wracking than having a partner who doesn’t respect, listen, see, and value you enough to avoid trampling over your boundaries.
If you find yourself in such a relationship that feels stifling and suffocating all the time, unhappiness and dissatisfaction will be your default state. Do I even need to remind you that you deserve better?
His words and actions aren’t often in sync
One of the most popular ways to identify a great and loving partner is by gauging how reliable and dependable he is.
Relationship and dating experts love to preach, teach, and proclaim that a reliable, dependable, and consistent guy is the real deal. But some beauties don’t consider it much of a big deal.
Here’s the thing beauties: a “dependable” or “trustworthy” guy might sound all too old-fashioned or “unsexy”. But we all know the mental efforts and stress it takes to deal with a flakey and inconsistent fellow who would endlessly go a complete one-eighty on his words.
Not everything that seems mysterious or difficult is worth the chase.
If you’re chasing a committed relationship with someone who would tell you he loves you one day. And then act in ways that completely prove otherwise the next day, then, yes, you’ll often be emotionally stressed and even drained.
If you’re madly in love with someone who’s flakey and inconsistent enough to often go beyond failing to honor little commitments like promises to call, text, or show up on time, etc. To making you second guess or doubt his feelings for you even when he often tells you he loves you … guess what … he’s not just hard to love.
He’s probably not emotionally aware enough to be anywhere near a man of integrity. Hence, aligning his words and actions doesn’t seem important to him.
He nudges you to be out of sync with your wants and needs
I was a helpless people-pleaser for a long time.
I’ve been countlessly manipulated into doing the bidding of a romantic partner even when I deep-down don’t want to. At one point, I couldn’t tell what my needs and wants are.
Hopefully, your man might not be a manipulative narcissist. But if he directly or indirectly nudges you to prioritize his needs and wants at the expense of yours, he’s such an emotional stressor.
No. You don’t need to put up with an emotional stressor that does nothing but make you feel like a failure to meet his needs proves that you’re selfish and uncaring.
Of what use is a relationship where you’ve been reduced to being out of touch with your own needs, wants, and feelings?
You should be with a partner that loves and prioritizes you enough to prioritize your needs as much as his own.
Because any guy that does otherwise and worse, isn’t emotionally mature enough to understand that you also have needs that are as important as his, is more than just a difficult man to love.
You struggle to come to resolutions during conflicts
The very best and stress-free kinds of relationships sometimes seem unreal or even dispassionate.
You find it too easy to make up, come to a compromise, and resolve your differences during conflicts, right?
When you’re used to consistent fighting that takes the grace of God to be resolved (maybe because “passionate” love conquers all), it’s easy to label anything otherwise unreal or boring.
A relationship that feels all too easy that even the most mind-boggling arguments and fights don’t seem like a threat to the relationship. Might sound too good to be true to you.
The thing is, it’s true that the hardest kind of relationship can sometimes be worthwhile. But often, a lot of such relationships are more hard work than they’re worth.
Those who often settle for emotionally draining and exhausting relationships don’t usually know they’re settling. Anything otherwise sounds or feels foreign to them. So they prefer staying in the kinds of relationships they’ve ever known all their lives.
And this case, they live in perpetual fear of fighting or arguing with their partners. Which ideally, are essential and inevitable parts of even the best relationships.
Of course, even the slightest fight or argument often feels so mind-boggling that it seems like they’ll never make up or resolve things with their partners.
This life my dear is more than just one with someone who’s hard to love. And it’s what settling for less than you deserve buys you at a huge discounted price of $0. If you’d like to pay for it with all your emotional strength, tears, and sweat.
Otherwise, you can opt for a better and healthier option where your partner is emotionally intelligent, mature, and aware enough to often seek effective communication, compromise, and easy resolutions during or after conflicts. It has always been your choice.
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This post was previously published on medium.com.
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