—
When boys are young, parents and others seem to be a little more lenient when it comes to the activities they choose to participate in; however, the majority of boys are registered in hockey, baseball, football, and other male-oriented sports. Some do register in dance or gymnastics, but they represent a much smaller group of boys.
But something interesting seems to happen by the time those boys reach a certain age. People start to raise eyebrows when they’re still dancing, and good luck finding classes for them.
My two younger boys participated enthusiastically in ballet, and my 12-year-old absolutely loved the idea of being the only male dancer in the troupe, who would eventually have to be strong enough to lift girls.
|
My 19-year-old took recreational gymnastics about 8 hours a week for seven years, and would have stayed with it if we had a better club; the club he was in was coached by a couple whose boys became quite successful in the sport, just about the time my son wanted to get serious and start competing. Classes became almost exclusively focused on their own children, and the rest of the kids stood in line while their kids were corrected over and over again until they got it right. To my disappointment, despite living in a large city, no other gym club coached male gymnasts. The other clubs were for girls only. My son was devastated, but we had no options, so that was the end for him.
We ran into a similar issue with ballet. My two younger boys participated enthusiastically in ballet, and my 12-year-old absolutely loved the idea of being the only male dancer in the troupe, who would eventually have to be strong enough to lift girls. He was proud of the strength and flexibility he would require to be able to do it. My youngest absolutely loved everything about it, and really wants to dance this year, but there is absolutely nowhere within an hour’s drive for us that will take boys in ballet classes. Having talked to other parents of boys, I’ve discovered that I’m not alone in wishing that there were more classes for older boys in both gymnastics and dance, particularly in ballet. There are some troupes that offer hip-hop to boys, but where we live, we just can’t find a class that will take boys.
This infuriates me. Why does sport have to be specific to gender? As young kids, they’re already segregated into boy’s soccer and girl’s soccer. Boy’s hockey and girl’s hockey. It’s perfectly OK to combine girls and boys in dance, gym, and swim classes—but for some reason, even those become segregated in most clubs at a certain age (with the exception of swimming.)
Worse yet, those classes disappear completely for boys, with dance and gymnastics clubs for boys being nearly impossible to find, while girl’s hockey, soccer, basketball, and so on are everywhere you look. Girls are patted on the back when they sign up for traditionally male-centric sports such as hockey, football, and rugby. To make matters even worse, boys are openly discouraged from participating in these activities, and teased endlessly if they continue in dance, gymnastics, or even figure skating.
The message we, as a society, are sending is that if you’re a girl and you are interested in male-centric sport, you’re strong, bold, and willing to go after whatever you want.
|
My 19-year-old couldn’t have cared less when he was in gymnastics — he was ripped when he was in gym, and he knew he looked good, and was good at it. That was all that mattered to him. But my 12-year-old, G, decided firmly against going back to ballet, despite his enthusiasm and love of the dance last year, because he felt it was socially unacceptable for a boy to be in ballet. His teacher had assigned a dance project to the kids last year near the end of the year, and he was so excited about it. We even got a pair of ballet shoes signed by the Principal Dancer of the Royal Winnipeg Ballet for the project, and he was almost finished with the project when one of his peers did a presentation on hip-hop, which resulted in the class bully teasing him, labeling him with rude nick-names, and reducing him to tears. My poor G was devastated, scrapped the whole project, and refused to do it at all. Now he refuses to sign up for dance classes again. Even hip-hop, which he really wanted to do this year, is off the list now. I’m heartbroken for him as he has come to believe that he has to conform or be scoffed.
The message we, as a society, are sending is that if you’re a girl and you are interested in male-centric sport, you’re strong, bold, and willing to go after whatever you want. The message we’re sending boys is that if you are interested in female-centric activities, you’re ‘girlie’, ‘gay’, and weak.
Things need to change. Our sons deserve to be able to express themselves in every way they wish. Raise your boys and your girls to be open to all things in life. Girls participate in martial arts, rugby, soccer, and hockey, wear blue, and have been wearing pants for decades. So let’s open up our boys’ worlds too.
Yes, it will take time, but we have to start somewhere. Curb comments from your kids that refer to gender roles, and talk to them about the fact that pink and blue are only colors. Offer dance classes, gymnastics, art classes, and other stereotypically ‘girlie’ activities to your young boys. Let them lead the way in expressing their interests, and allow them to explore a wide variety of activities and interests. Let the kids be kids! We need to change their world into one that’s less inclined to slot males and females into neat little gender boxes, and into one that’s open to allowing boys the same opportunities that girls have to explore all of their interests without judgment.
—
Photo: Getty Images
http://www.foxnews.com/opinion/2014/10/14/why-football-is-source-so-much-bullying-hazing-in-america.html
Reminds me of an article I read years ago about how “gender neutral” clothes really means boys’ clothes girls can wear without stigma, not girls’ clothes boys can wear without stigma.
Tell your sons to take up kick boxing. I was ripped too when I did it and I suspect that he won’t get teased. If he wants something dance like look at tai chi. I have a friend who took dance. We joked with him a little, but he also took boxing so no one else gave him crap. I’ll admit he got a lot more girls with that. I have another friend who dances with a troupe and I had thought about taking salsa dancing because I know the instructor and she’s gorgeous. It’s a nice way to dance… Read more »
Absolutely correct. This is classic man-box stuff, and the conversation that we should be having around here (the bully thing actually gave me a little bit of adrenaline when reading it). It is starting to change though, because “real men” are doing it. I have two friends that I can give as example, classic type. One was a former hockey player, a tough, crazy man on the ice (I still laugh when thinking back at some of the things he did) We were talking a few years ago when he boasted a bit about his kids. His daughter was into… Read more »
I don’t quite share your optimism. Not when I read comments posted by sports fans in a liberal forum (of all places) who express no sympathy to other members who were bulled by “jocks” in high school. Not when I read comments by so-called liberal men who say that one of the reasons they played football was so they could have “easy sex” with groupies as if young women were nothing more than sex objects. Not when young women who have been raped by athletes can expect to be persecuted by sports fans.
I am convinced that the majority of athletes and coaches, especially in sports such as football, look down on boys who have no interest in sports. I’m also convinced that they don’t consider nonathletic men to be “real men” — an incredibly mindless and bigoted assumption. My own prejudice has been confirmed time and time again.
No no, not true – footballers look down on and mock Cross Country running as well….and of course srestling is ‘gay’. I wouldnt trade the 6 years in either sport – they were nearly the only reasons to go to school at all for me.
Well, I guess there must be a few athletes who are insecure in their masculinity, then. As a matter of fact, two friends of mine who had played football at their high school recently told me (on separate occasions) that most of their teammates had viewed all the nonathletic guys at their school as supposedly being inferior. Speaking of his teammates, one of them told me (decades after high school) that he never met a group of guys who were so insecure in their masculinity that they had to continually “prove it” at the expense of nonathletic guys at their… Read more »
I would like to apologize for disrupting this topic, which was not my original intent. I got carried away with anger. I did raise legitimate points, but they were not germane to the topic. Some of my comments weren’t even written very well. I assume we all know what a hot-button issue is. For example, a close friend of my sister was subjected to physical abuse by her parents when she was a young girl. Today she is not able to hear about child abuse without feeling a lot of emotional pain. Child abuse is a hot-button issue to her.… Read more »
I guess nonathletic men should just sit on the sidelines. I mean, they have nothing to contribute, being the wimps that they are.
No, you’ve misunderstood what I was saying, and I can see why, it was a not totally clear.
Nonathletic guys need to help lead the way on this, it is the athletes that need to fall in line grow up a bit. The “real man” quote was parody.
Playing sports, being that sort of man does not make one a “real man”. How one acts off the field does…and quite a few are failing at that.
I should have done a better job of revising my post. In the third paragraph, “in any sports” should be replaced by “in sports”; and the awkward construction “even disliked interest in sports” should be replaced with “even disliked sports.” Sorry about that.
Needless to say, I’m very sympathetic to your point of view; and I completely agree with your message. “The message we’re sending boys is that if you are interested in female-centric activities, you’re ‘girlie’, ‘gay’, and weak.” But more than one message is being sent by the culture of school sports. Another message we’re sending boys is that if you have no interest in any sports, you’re “girlie,” “gay,” and weak — despite the fact that there are rugged men such as bodybuilders and Navy SEALS who never had an interest in sports. Not to mention the far more significant… Read more »
Bill,
All this is to narrow the man box, by those that feel themselves as not manly enough. By othering the guys that don’t, it lowers the perceived level of competition for dates/mates…… and it only works if the “othered” guys allow it to get into their heads.
Thanks for your post, Trey. I appreciate it.