Don’t lose track of your kid in the heart of a mob of goblins, even for a moment. It will make your heart stop just thinking about what the heck you are going to say to your wife when she catches up.
Four seven year-olds in boxing outfits are not to be trifled with.
Those witches are the roof are just actors. It’s the one percenters’ way of giving back.
I’m thinking that twelve should be the international cut-off for free candy on Halloween. College kids with face paint just piss me off.
Trick or treating at your ex-wife’s house might seem like a good idea. It’s really not.
The $100,000 bar no longer exists, as far as I can tell. What a shame.
Guys handing out big fancy bags of dog treats are Private Equity assholes with extra samples from a company that is on the ropes. Kick them in the nuts.
Don’t try to have a bond fire at your adult costume party, even if you have attempted to invite all the neighbors. That 87 year-old shut in that backs up to your property will definitely call the fire department. And negotiating with the fire chief when you’re dressed as Mr. Freeze will not go well.
Political costumes on the eve of a national election are in really bad taste, no matter how much you hate the other guy.
Halloween marks the official beginning of the descent into the hell of the holiday season. The next time to really have fun is New Year’s Eve. Try to hold your breath through the next 60 days and ignore the mass materialistic insanity. It’s a good idea to stay in costume the whole time.