If Craig Playstead could communicate one thing to the women of the world, it would be this: men hate cards. Buy us anything else.
I was shopping at Target when a nice woman approached me in the card section with a smell of desperation and a side dish of confusion (strangers always talk to me for some reason).
“You look like a husband and a father.”
“Guilty.” I said.
“Could you help me with something?”
“Absolutely—shoot.”
“Well, I want to get my husband a card, but I don’t know what he would like. Should it be funny or from the heart?” This was obviously something she’d been thinking about.
“Well,” I said and then paused a bit. “Can I be completely honest with you?”
“Please do,” she said with a whisper of hope.
“Men hate cards.”
The look on her face could only have been compared to the day that she found out that Oprah was retiring.
“Yep, I’ve never met a guy who liked getting a card. We like getting gifts and hearing nice things, but with cards we never know what’s waiting for us in there, we feel uneasy opening them, and let’s be honest—they’re kind of a waste of money.”
She had the same confused look on her face as John Mayer does when someone asks him who he’s dating at the moment.
I could have gone on and on, but didn’t have the heart to tell her that when we open a card, it’s not unlike the bomb squad trying to diffuse an explosive device. The only difference is—this one is going off regardless.
“Well, I guess you learn something new everyday,” she said as she pushed her cart away. I may have pulled the rug out from her gift buying adventure to one of the world’s most annoying stores. But to know that there was just one guy out there who didn’t get a crappy card made me feel good. My work for the day was done.
(The only exception to this rule is the cards we get from our kids. When we start getting them it really makes us feel like dads, until they get to an age when you open one up and think to yourself, “Man, his handwriting is brutal. I hope like hell he makes it out of 3rd grade.)
—Craig Playstead
Amen, brother.
I tried to eliminate card buying and receiving from my future life experiences, but when I told my wife (and others) that I would rather their friendship and love instead of these silly pieces of printed cardstock, which I never know how long to keep (I have some stored away from ten years ago), they stared and guilted me back into the commercially brainwashed fold.
How do I break the conditioning permanently???
I see it as a formality. Something we do.
True! I learned when I was a kid about cards – my mom loved getting them, and my dad and brother would always turn it over and check out the cost, and then make a comment about saving my money – fast forward to my own sons, and husband – instead of giving cards I always wrote letters – nothing big or long because their attention span was fleeting, but they got the point. I love cards, and only send or give them to people who appreciate the fine art of card giving, which in my case – are not… Read more »
I love buying cards. Hallmark and Papyrus stores are not the best places to get cards. I prefer cards with real art and either no text or great quotes (Gandhi, Hemingway, etc.) to those with illustrations and “poems.”I stock up at museum stores. The local gourmet food store sells cards with art by local artists.
amen – though I will take a hand written card anyday.
I don’t mind getting a card, but I hate buying them. The whole thing is a scam to get us to pay $3 (or more) for someone else’s thoughts or jokes. Better off buying a supply of blank cards and writing your own, original thoughts instead.
Craig,
Au contraire, mon freres. I like getting cards from my wife, son, and anybody who thinks enough of me to spend the time and a few bucks to help them convey a particular feeling. I haven’t developed the pathology that sends me into nervous trermors at the thought of peeling back a Hallmark envelope and, frankly, I suspect this is yet another stereotype put to bed by most men. What’s the bid deal; it’s just a card? I do have a question for you, though. Who is this John Mayer you speak of?
This is 100% true. We don’t like buying cards, either. For some reason, I can buy the best, most thoughtful gift for my wife. However, if I don’t get a card, it’s like I did nothing at all. It’s frustrating and silly.