All I could picture in the back of my mind was a guy holding an aluminum baseball bat smashing my skull in, as my former wife would talk about how horrible of a person I was to our marriage councilor. Week after week I would go through this and think “wow am I really that bad of a person?” again the man with the bat would stand there with his Louisville Slugger as my thought was that we wont get divorced because people in therapy don’t get divorced, heck this is only going to strengthen our marriage. Lucky for me that I am not a gambler since I would of lost it all if I bet the two of us would of still be married today. Even the therapist who I went back to after the divorce was shocked that we divorced (she was shocked).
The first therapist I was sent to was “Vic” and due to suicide attempts my parents felt this would be a good idea. I was about 18 at the time as I struggled through life. Honestly I did not take those sessions seriously because I knew I was “fine” but I was far from fine. The first two sessions were with my parents and myself, soon after that I volunteered to go on my own because of needing the help to get on some type of track.
Therapy was actually way better then I expected because Vic treated me like an adult and more importantly he understood that my mental struggles were part of life from the point of the world of divorce. Listen I am not going to push blame on my parents because I control my own happiness. Was though the divorce a trigger for my depression? Sure was.
When I think about those sessions with my former wife, I again had the notion that these will help us grow and become a stronger couple. We went to a previous marriage therapist who forgot that we were coming and I was not thrilled with her dress code of jeans and a sweatshirt, my ex picked this one out. I mention these things only because I was familiar with therapist and this was not a good representation of the business. I have no issue with getting help but it has to be the right person. I think this is why after our first session I said to my former wife that I did not like whom she selected and that’s when the fight started.
My new and best wife Ann and I went before we got married to couples therapy so we could air out how we wanted our marriage to work. We both came from very controlling spouses who not only were mentally abusive but in my case I was constantly reminded of how little I made from my pay check at times she would do this in front of friends.
Ann and I did not want to go through the same marriage we previously had so as I stated we had to be honest with each other. Therapy to me can be like just talking to a good friend if you research and find someone who is compatible with you and yes it is very much like dating.
To many times I see with men that I have coached feel shame to ask for help (asking for directions for example) and in my opinion it is the cowards who do not ask for help. Very similar is that we are scared to fail and there is NOTHING wrong with failing unless you do not learn from it.
I am writing this in our home office where I painted the office, and I can see the paint where I got it on the ceiling. These little “flaws” that I can see make the office give off more character then it had no paint. My point (left turn Clyde) here is do not be afraid to ask and even if you fail, learn from it.
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