“A community of friends supporting each other can make a world of difference.” — Unknown
Most of us have this sensation that we do not have the support we want or deserve in relationships.
Perhaps we have never had an opportunity to gain support from our friends or family.
Perhaps we do not feel encouraged or challenged by our peers or colleagues.
Perhaps we do not even feel supported by our significant other.
This can put us in a position of low energy and a state of unhappiness, as though we are going through life with an almost-empty gas tank.
This was an astronomical struggle for me during my teenage years and early adulthood. I seldom discovered a spot or a tribe of loyal friends where I felt like I “belonged,” and thus, I did not feel like my back was protected.
When I did feel like I had companions who would catch me if I fall, it only endured for several days or weeks before it became nonexistent.
Fast forward to the present, this has shifted. I feel much more supported in my connections and do not feel nearly as tired as I once did.
There are still moments when I feel like I did grow up. However, I have learned that opening up to support is an endeavour that would last for a lifetime. It is an evolving process of recovering from old wounds and enabling ourselves to become an entirely different yet better person.
There are three questions that consistently aid me in realising what must be healed and discovering how I need to change my outlook on life.
If you feel as though you are not being supported in your connections, ask yourself:
1. Is my story why I am not receiving the support I deserve?
Do you play in your head narratives such as the following:
- “No one gets me.”
- “She will never understand what I am talking about because she has never experienced it herself.”
- “I always have to look after others, and nobody can do the same for me.”
Alternatively, do you tell yourself over and over, “I am never given a supportive hand in my connections”?
Whatever your particular tale is, it prevents you from obtaining the support you want.
Some other tales that block you from obtaining the support you deserve include:
- “If I make my issues known to others, they will serve as additional stressors to them.”
- “If I tell them my struggle, they will laugh at me.”
- “I need to scrap my authentic identity to others to feel belonged.”
- “If I want to acquire something from others, I would not be supported.”
Formerly, I told myself the tale, “I will serve as unnecessary stress to others if I look for support and assistance.”
I would believe this at work when I required extra help or a day off. Hence, I would feel reluctant to make this known to my colleagues and bosses.
I would also believe this when going through challenging periods, which made me feel nervous about opening up to friends, so none of them would ever know my feelings at the time.
When we are conscious of our tales, we can change our perception and grant ourselves access to support from others.
2. Am I making an effort to contact others for support?
Oftentimes, when we feel like we are not given what we want from others, it is because we are hesitant towards the idea of receiving.
It is as though we have a little establishment set up for business, but the roller shutter is not raised.
Be sure to inform others when you are fighting an intensive battle to stay afloat. Seek help from people instead of attempting to solve every problem on your own.
By informing others that we need their help and support, we put ourselves in a better position to receive them.
3. Am I supporting myself?
What we experience externally is typically a mirror image of whatever we experience internally.
If we feel like we are not receiving claps from others, then it is probably true that we might not be clapping for ourselves.
The key to changing this is discovering methods to feel empowered and supported within ourselves rather than concentrating plainly on what we desire from others.
This was something I had to do when dealing with numerous health complications. For several months, I did not tend to my health issues. How can I expect to receive support from others when I cannot support myself?
I would not remain dedicated to diet and lifestyle transformations that I knew would benefit me greatly. This meant others did not have the chance to give me a helping hand because my actions did not show that improving my overall well-being was my number one priority.
Ask yourself the following questions:
- “Am I looking after my body when it is ill or exhausted by giving it all the rest time it needs?”
- “Do I steadfastly support myself by taking the time to do what I enjoy doing?”
- “Do I offer myself the things I know I need — such as paying a visit to the nearest health clinic when I am ill or going to a therapist’s appointment when I am going through a challenging time?”
Then, go the extra mile by asking yourself:
- “Am I really ‘myself’ when around others?”
- “Am I putting myself in connections with people who genuinely respect and accept me for my true identity?”
- “Do I enable myself to reveal my authentic truth to everyone around me?”
If we long for support in all areas of ourselves, we must choose to be in connections where we feel at liberty and safe to live our lives authentically.
This may mean forgoing several connections and letting go of expectations that certain people will miraculously change and be supportive.
We support ourselves by being in relationships with others who wholeheartedly welcome us into their networks.
Closing Thoughts
In order to experience the most profound level of love and support in our relationships, we must love and support ourselves.
Therefore, observe internally and become the supreme leader of your own self-care and self-love.
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This post was previously published on MEDIUM.COM.
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