“I’ve fallen in love many times… but always with you.” — Anonymous
Do you know that awesome feeling of being in love? Where you feel like the universe is helping you and your partner. Things just somehow seem to happen to propel you towards each other.
It is a scenario I picked up from all the fairytale books I read and happily ever after movies I watched growing up. That sometimes, you do not choose your partner consciously, but somehow, your heart knows.
And it can be hard to explain to people — but your heart knows. My partner likes to say that his soul knew mine from before we met. And supposedly when we finally did meet, he knew instantly.
I do not hold the same narrative for the start of our relationship, but I am thankful to be with someone I love so deeply.
Being deeply in love with someone is a process that involves the people in the relationship falling for each other over and over, and over again. Despite flaws and challenges, two people choosing to fall in love with each other.
“If I know what love is, it is because of you.” — Hermann Hesse
One day when we were still teenagers, my friend Sarah excitedly announced to me that she had found the person she wanted to spend the rest of her life with. I was skeptical because we were so young, but now 11 years later, her relationship with her husband inspires me deeply every day.
Sarah and her partner are deeply in love.
Studies led by Helen Fisher, an anthropologist at Rutgers University and one of the leading experts on the biological basis of love, have revealed that the brain’s “in love” phase is a unique and well-defined period of time.
According to Dr Helen, being deeply in love with your partner, like success, is not a reserve for a select few people. It really comes down to your habits as a couple. Habits that anyone can learn and adapt for their own relationship.
Love is deeply biological.
According to the study, love is clearly not just an emotion; it is a biological process that is both dynamic and bidirectional in several dimensions. As such, it can be influenced by human behaviour and habits
The book Rich Habits details the daily success habits of wealthy people. When I realized how simple these habits are, it struck me why few people are wealthy — it is human to forget the beauty of prolonged repetition.
Similarly, when it comes to love, the habits that you repeatedly exercise in your relationship contribute greatly to the success or demise of your relationship.
I draw inspiration from people who are deeply in love with each other.
Here are 10 phenomenal traits couples that are deeply in love share with each other:
1. They Learn How To Communicate Effectively With Each Other
“Don’t assume your partner knows about everything you expect in a relationship. Let them know. A relationship should be based on communication, not on assumptions.” — Turcois Ominek
Couples that are inspiringly deeply in love swear by communication as the cornerstone of their wonderful relationship.
This is something I struggle with in my relationship, especially when I am angry or hurt. I forget to use my words and I hope that my partner will deduce my displeasure from my cold shoulder and haughty glances. This is not right. And I am working on it.
People who are deeply in love with each other do not shut their partners out. They clearly communicate their needs.
There are various modes of communication and people who are deeply in love make effort to make effective communication a constant in their relationships.
They understand that by keeping their communication clear, and loving their partner in the ways they feel loved — they are well on their way to keep falling in love with each other until the end of time.
What you can do;
You need to learn how to communicate your needs with your partner, and how to listen and understand their needs, too.
2. They Accept Themselves as Individuals Which Creates A Safe Environment To Accept Each Other
“True love is choosing the many things a person did right rather than the one thing he did wrong. True love does not keep the record of wrongs.” — Lizzie Natesky
No matter how much someone loves you, they can’t love you into accepting yourself. Only you can love yourself into self-acceptance.
According to Shepard (1979), self-acceptance is an individual’s satisfaction or happiness with oneself and is thought to be necessary for good mental health.
Self-acceptance involves self-understanding, a realistic, albeit subjective, awareness of one’s strengths and weaknesses. It results in an individual’s feeling about oneself, that they are of “unique worth”.
In clinical psychology and positive psychology, self-acceptance is considered the prerequisite for change to occur. It can be achieved by stopping criticizing and solving your defects and then accepting them to be existing within you. That is, tolerating yourself to be imperfect in some parts.
According to this study by Cristian Vasile, true self-acceptance is embracing who you are, without any qualifications, conditions, or exceptions. Accepting both the positive and negative aspects.
Unconditional acceptance is something we want, but rarely ever give out.
People who are deeply in love with each other do not force their expectations on their partner, instead, they choose to accept them for exactly who they are.
What you can do;
Who your partner is isn’t what they say or what you have come to expect, it is who they reveal themselves to be. Either you accept them as they are, or you move on without them.
Go through the process of learning to accept yourself, because it makes it so much easier to learn how to accept others.
3. Their Relationships Are Built On Trust And Love
“I trust you” is a better compliment than “I love you” because you may not always trust the person you love but you can always love the person you trust” — Frank Ocean
In another article, I wrote titled Love is no longer the most important thing in relationships, I elaborated why trust is the basis upon which love is built.
Trust is the foundation for love.
Trust is something that is earned through actions. It is the sense of security that allows both partners to expose themselves fully to each other without any fear of judgement.
When you are in a relationship with someone, it is natural for feelings of love and connection to start to fluctuate over time. Every relationship has those dry spells but trust is consistent.
According to Dr Jennifer Rhodes, a licensed psychologist, author, and relationships expert, for a committed relationship to work, love alone is simply not enough.
Trust is the foundation for any relationship. Trust involves being able to think about someone else’s needs and making choices that respect your partner’s values.
Love is a feeling and is strongly influenced by biochemistry.
Trust, however, surpasses love. Think about it, if you do not trust your partner, how can you love them?
Without trust, the relationship will be shaky and will eventually fail. Lack of trust is the main reason relationships fall apart. After all, trust means you can rely on your partner, can confide in them and feel safe with them.
We can only truly love someone that we can trust. Trust is the solid foundation on which a lasting relationship is built.
What you can do;
Acknowledge that we all have fears in our lives and our relationships. People who are deeply in love let their love and trust overpower their fear and lead their relationship.
People who are deeply in love believe in the good faith of their partners. They know that if they want their partner to trust them, then they must feel that they can be trusted, too.
You should build your relationship on a foundation of trust.
4. They Fully Forgive Each Other For Their Mistakes
“True love is not how you forgive, but how you forget, not what you see but what you feel, not how you listen but how you understand, and not how you let go but how you hold on.” — Anonymous
One of the hardest things to do in any kind of relationship is letting go of old wounds through forgiveness.
This research study published in the US National Library of Medicine — National Institutes of Health established that ‘love heals’ has some truth to it.
People who are deeply in love forgive each other completely when one of them is in the wrong.
They realize that every moment of our lives, we are either growing or dying — and when we are physically healthy, it is a choice.
The art of maintaining happiness in life and relationships relies on the fine balancing act of holding on and letting go.
People who are deeply in love know that being hurt is something you can’t avoid, but being continuously miserable is always a choice.
Forgiveness is the remedy.
What you can do;
You have to let go of what’s behind you before you can grasp the goodness in front of you.
5. They Create Their Own Happiness First
“Life is about creating your own happiness, and before you know it, blessings of love will find their way into your heart.” — Brigitte Nicole
People who are deeply in love know that to awaken happiness in a relationship, they should start by living a life that makes them happy at an individual level, and then they radiate that happiness into the relationship.
They know that to eliminate suffering in a relationship, couples start by eliminating the dark and negative parts of themselves and then radiate their positivity into the relationship.
Truly, the greatest power anybody has in this world is the power of their own self-transformation.
All the positive change you seek in any relationship starts with the one in the mirror.
What you can do;
Do things that make you happy so that you bring your wholesome happy self into the relationship.
6. They Practise Kindness Towards Each Other
“Love and kindness are never wasted. They always make a difference. They bless the one who receives them, and they bless you, the giver.” — Barbara De Angelis
People who are deeply in love show their loved ones kindness in small ways every day.
In these kinds of relationships, both partners strive to always be kinder than necessary.
This is a good rule of thumb because generally speaking, you never know what someone is going through. Sometimes you have to be kind to someone, not because they’re being nice, but because you are.
Too often we underestimate the power of a touch, a smile, a kind word, a listening ear, an honest compliment, or the smallest act of caring, all of which have the potential to turn a life around.
What you can do;
Remember, kindness in words creates confidence, kindness in thinking creates profoundness, and kindness in giving creates love. You can give of yourself through your relationship. You can spread sunshine in your partner’s and other people’s lives regardless of the weather. Be kind.
7. They Own Up To Their Mistakes
“All people make mistakes, but a good man yields when he knows his course is wrong, and repairs the evil. The only crime is pride.” ― Sophocles, Antigone
Making mistakes or failing at tasks is a common occurrence in human life according to this paper published in the Online Library of Science.
People who are deeply in love know that an honest heart is the beginning of everything that is right with this world.
The most honourable people are not those who never make mistakes, but those who admit to them when they do, and then go on and do their best to right the wrongs they have made.
In the end, being honest might not always win you a lot of friends and lovers, but it will always keep the right ones in your life.
What you can do;
Endeavour to own up to your mistakes in your relationships.
7. They Listen To Each Other For Comprehension With Love
“Most people do not listen with the intent to understand, they listen with the intent to reply.” — Stephen R. Covey
It takes courage to open one’s mind and listen.
People who are deeply in love pay attention when their partner speaks, and they are good listener for their partner.
Like Paul Tillich said, “The first duty of love is to listen.”
People who are deeply in love with each other will be interested in spending time listening to each other’s problems; and continue to choose their partner as a priority.
Your ears will never get you in trouble. The people in your life often need a listening ear more than they need a rambling voice.
And don’t listen with the intent to reply; hear what is being said with the intent to understand. You are as beautiful as the love you give, and you are as wise as the silence you leave behind.
What you can do;
When you love someone, you should listen to them and support them if they are struggling.
9. They Believe That The Universe Is Working For Them, Not Against Them
“The Universe has the most beautiful plans for you. Allow it to unfold in divine timing. You cannot rush magic.” — Anonymous
According to the research study, love pervades every aspect of our lives and has inspired countless works of art. Love also has a profound effect on our mental and physical state.
A ‘broken heart’ or a failed relationship can have disastrous effects; bereavement disrupts human physiology and might even precipitate death. Without loving relationships, humans fail to flourish, even if all of their other basic needs are met.
Social interactions between individuals, for example, trigger cognitive and physiological processes that influence emotional and mental states. In turn, these changes influence future social interactions.
Similarly, the maintenance of loving relationships requires constant feedback through sensory and cognitive systems; the body seeks love and responds constantly to interaction with loved ones or to the absence of such interaction.
People who are deeply in love believe the biology works in their favor.
What you can do;
Always remember that the Universe loves you!
Instead of constantly looking for signs of what’s not working in your relationship, what you need to do is look for signs of what is, and then use this as a solid foundation to build upon until yours is one of the relationships people are inspired to write about.
Deep love is more than physical touch. It is being touched on every level, every cell of your body, every oxygen molecule in your breathing, every firing neuron in your brain. We want to be touched by life until we are bursting, and to share that uncontainable joy with others. — Oshana Dave
And now your thoughts…
Which of these traits do you possess? What other important traits do people who are deeply in love exhibit?
Please leave me a comment below and share your thoughts.
I wish you loads of love and happiness in your relationships.
This post was previously published on medium.com.
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