I was recently asked in a side bar about cultural appropriation and how to avoid being accused of it.
Short answer: Don’t avoid accusations. Because you probably are.
I don’t speak to white people about race as a rule.
I’m not here to out the person but I want to share what my response was publicly because I think it can be beneficial to some. I thank her for her candid inquiry. I share my response in full below –
“Well, I for the most part steer clear of discussions of this sort.
Inevitably, to a person, it ends in white tears.
Here’s what I’ve learned from women about my misogyny:
I’m as problematic as fuck.
I’ve got huge blind spots that I am working out and slowly raising my awareness, but because I’m CIS, straight and male raised in a Patriarchy, I live in surrounded by unearned privileges that I don’t see unless pointed out by those that don’t share them.
Now, do I often say & do misogynistic shit?
Everyday.
Do I intend too?
No.
Doesn’t mean a god damn thing.
Why?
Impact > intent
My male feelings < Women’s lives and experiences
So if I’m accused all day for fucking up?
I’ve got to suck it up.
LISTEN.
LEARN.
Try to do better.
Because it’s not about me.
Now.
Go be uncomfortable.”
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Photo credit: Getty Images
“Impact > intent My male feelings < Women’s lives and experiences So if I’m accused all day for fu*king up? I’ve got to suck it up." Alex, if you feel bound and determined to impose those rigid metrics onto yourself, as you feel they must be applied rigidly, then, of course, you’re at liberty to do so. But I fear that you may be on the wrong track, and I would be very reticent to endorse that type of intransigence as a general societal prescription, directive, or panacea. Every person must first answer to their own conscience and relative analysis… Read more »