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Since the election of Trump, there’s been an observably growing number of folks who feel compelled to do something about oppressive systems and the people who uphold them. The rule to keep politics and religion away from the dinner table is being challenged more and more.
As someone who has severed my fair share of relationships because of my ideologies and expressions thereof, I would like to offer how I now go into situations where I know I will be in the presence of those who either don’t believe the same things I believe or don’t see the things that I see. Not everyone will deal with these situations the same way as, and we all must take a hard look at what privileges allow us to remain silent in various scenarios, but here are 5 thoughts I use to guide myself through those testy table conversations:
Capitalize on natural affection.
Capitalize on the natural affection you have for the people you’ve invited (or people who have invited you) to celebrate with and the affection they have for you. Not everyone has a natural love for their family members, simply because of blood, but some do. This natural affection can sustain an otherwise unsustainable relationship. The same goes for long-time friends or former lovers. If there is a foundation of love, there is room to push the boundaries in these discussions.
Know your why.
Before you even speak, know your why. Why is it important that the person in front of you understands your position? Why must you address this now, in this moment? Knowing your why will help you determine and prioritize which battles to choose.
Keeping the peace is NOT a failure.
I will repeat: keeping the peace is not a failure. If you aren’t successful in getting your point across, or you make the determination that today, in this moment, is not the right time for you to set it off, it does not mean you have failed and it does not mean your activism is weak. It is also not a pass to remain silent. It is about empowering yourself to know how best to address each situation you find yourself in.
Plant a seed. Push yourself and your loved one(s). Challenge each other to be better. Breaking the person in front of you should never be the goal. Social media has made way for easy outs from our relationships. Drag, block, delete, block, drag, delete, etc, etc. Real life interactions don’t always play out that way and typically we see more humanity in each other when we’re seated across the table from each other than when we’re seated across cyberspace from one another. Keeping the peace is not a failure; we’re in this for the long haul.
Go in with a plan.
Don’t forget the 5 P’s: Proper Planning Prevents Poor Performance. If you feel you’re ready to step to someone and assert your ideas, you better come correct. Make sure you are well researched to support your assertions.
But on the same token, if you are confronted with something that stumps you, there is nothing wrong with saying you will revisit the issue once you’ve better informed yourself. If your goal is to enter every conversation as a win-or-lose outcome, you will ultimately experience many failures. Going in with the objective to confront injustice and bias whenever and wherever you see it, no matter how sophisticated you may or may not be, will sustain you much longer.
Let the kids lead the discussion.
Chances are, the conversation at the kid table is way more interesting and insightful than anything at the grown folks table. Let them lead. Let their innocent truths permeate the conversation. They are but tiny humans with incredible senses of humanity.
As I said before, these are some of the ways in which I enter the minefield of taboo table-talk. It may not work for you. Perhaps you can give more suggestions in the comments.
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