Emotional Resilience: What Makes the Difference Between Surviving & Thriving?

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  1. Alan Rojas says:

    Quick thing:
    You CAN change your personality. That’s what therapy is for.

    Source: I trained in psychotherapy.

    • Kate Bartolotta says:

      Perhaps you are referring to people dealing with personality disorders? It would concern me if a therapist was advising someone to change their personality, but changing one’s comping mechanisms and habits, or dealing with a disorder, yes. I’m using “personality” here to refer a person’s innate personality traits or sense of self, and not disordered behavior.

      • Alan Rojas says:

        No. I’ll make my statement clear. I mean that anyone, willing to change a part in themselves, no longer working in their best interest, can, through therapy.
        Therapy is not solely available for people with a personality disorder. Neurotics, aka regular folks, may also go to therapy. Any part of ourselves/traits/sense of self — either our thinking, feeling or acting– is indeed part of our personality and is available for update, heal, change if it no longer works for the client AND that’s what s/he wants to change.
        This is indeed my opinion and it’s not an advise for people to change: it’s a statement on the possibility of change for anyone willing to change so as to live the life they want, in a convenient ethical manner.

        • Kate Bartolotta says:

          Yes, I would agree that therapy is useful for anyone and most everyone. I consult with and refer to several therapists. I think this may be just a difference of semantics. I would generally encourage people to seek out a therapist who was focused on a balanced approach that included both self-acceptance and assistance in making any changes necessary to enjoy life more fully. If there were a therapist offering a personality or self overhaul (i.e. a gentle tempered man trying to be more alpha, or similar personality changes because a different type of personality is perceived as more valuable than one’s innate personality) I would have a hard time recommending that type of work.

          But this is pretty far afield from the original topic, anyhow!

          Thanks for commenting!

  2. So glad to have found this article. As a therapist and parent coach, I talk to folks a lot about resiliency. One of the best things I learned on the subject came from Viktor Frankl’s “Man’s Search for Meaning”. His theory on resiliency is that when we create meaning out of our suffering, we become resiliency. If we can’t create meaning out of a difficult time, we fail to flourish.

    • Thanks, Heather! I think this is so important especially around the holidays. It’s a happy time for many people, but also a peak time for depression. We need to reach out to each other.


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