Do you have to look the part to be a “real man”? Turner Wright questions his body type.
I promise, this introduction isn’t boasting.
I can run marathons as fast as Lance Armstrong (will not even attempt to measure up to him in cycling). I’m in good enough shape to carry 100-pound concrete bags up a hillside, as I was required to do on one landscaping job. I do pushups, stretches, crunches, and squats twice a day.
And yet, from the outside, I still have a body that reminds me more of Chris Farley than Channing Tatum.
I feel like such an immature high schooler writing this, but I’m not at all satisfied with the way I look. I could probably deal with this if I were a sloth working a desk job and avoided exercise at all cost, but I’m anything but. My physical abilities are up to par, even beyond those of others my age, and yet, I look the way I do: flabby upper body, undefined arms, less appealing to the opposite sex.
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Exercise isn’t a leisure activity; it’s necessary for a healthy life. But I would have hoped that exercising regularly and maintaining a good diet would have reflected my fitness as easily on the outside as it was on the inside.
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Maybe I’ve never come to terms with just how difficult it is for one to get into great shape with six-pack abs and bulging biceps. I still have to work jobs that don’t always allow me time to do my full routine, but I have friends who do less and achieve better results. I’m just whining to the Internet and the universe: where is the male form I was promised?
As a runner, I believe anyone who can’t run long distances isn’t living up to the potential of our species. Likewise, whenever I see men’s fitness magazines, others running on the trail beside me with their shirts off, or guys who are able to pull off tight clothes in nightclubs, I think: what am I doing wrong? Why aren’t I what nature and history tell me I should be?
There’s all this talk from both genders about learning to love your body no matter what the size or shape. In general, I think that’s absolutely true, but is their advice directed at those who feel their level of fitness challenges their manhood, or femininity? I can’t shake the feeling I’m capable of looking so much better.
Exercise isn’t a leisure activity; it’s necessary for a healthy life. But I would have hoped that exercising regularly and maintaining a good diet would have reflected my fitness as easily on the outside as it was on the inside. I’m in excellent health: I rarely get sick, my resting heart rate is around 50, my cholesterol is low, my bones are strong.
But every time I see another man crossing my path with larger arms and muscular peeks, whether he’s on a magazine cover or in my dust on the trail, I get taken down a notch.
Is it a question of time? Can only the rich or Hollywood types afford body waxing, consistent personal trainers, spray tans, and just the
leisure to hit the gym on a regular basis, as money isn’t as much of a concern, if any?
I’ve been at the same level of fitness more or less for the past twelve years, and though I felt accomplished completing my first marathon and stronger hitting the gym a few times a week, I’ve never looked the way I’ve wanted to, like the way I grew up believing a man is supposed to have 5% body fat.
It’s almost as though I think a “Captain America” solution is my only hope: a serum that instantly transforms weaklings into “real men.”
Capable of defending their country. Envied by other men, desired by women. And looking the part.
Read more on Body Image on The Good Life.
Photo credit: Michael Taggart Photography/Flickr
About Turner Wright
Turner, have you tried a trainer? The chiseled look is usually achieved by specific exercises designed to chisel. Your routine sounds more of a full-body workout. And believe me, there are tons of guys who would love to have your level of overall fitness—and that includes some of the pumped-up guys.
Good luck.
I am by no means an expert, but from what I’ve learned from my partner, who has read a *lot* on the subject, is naturally very lean and slender, and has to work incredibly hard to gain muscle compared to others (like you said, “I have friends who do less and achieve better results,” etc.), you need to eat a LOT – much more than you would expect, and eating specific ratios of carbs:fat:protein – and you need to exercise with weights, not just doing exercises like “pushups, stretches, crunches, and squats”. Those exercises are great for certain things but they’re not the best for “bulking up”, etc, which seems to be a goal of yours.
You’re obviously at a level of fitness where you’re capable of lifting heavy things and what not. To gain muscle mass you need to be strategically pushing that capability higher and higher.
I’ve been following this type of imagery and its effect on the self-esteem of the population.
Between the standards of attractive men and women, the male ideal figure is much, much harder to obtain.
The body was built around a thin frame, for the most part. Obesity is a very new problem, and men’s standards have actually eased up on women’s weight. (Women, of course, have a notably larger stake in their outward appearance for day-to-do respect.)
Musculature is a different beast, though. There’s a reason fatty tissue is around the muscle area. Muscle builds fat to localize the energy. The chiseled body is not one that often occurred in nature.
To get an idea, look into our roots. Look at the tribal societies and sub-Saharan tribes. How many beefed up, chiseled dudes do you see? Few, if any.
Comparing yourself to something like Greek statues, maybe?
Another invalid comparison. The chiseled classical look was created by sculptors:
-Usually, an Olympian of sorts would pose, and the sculptor would model the body.
-Then, they would sculpt the head of the famous figure atop the body.
For instance, the famous greek philosophers were fairly skinny short guys. They were immortalized atop the bodies of Olympians and models who dedicated their lives to the form.
In reality, we are a species of shockingly low gender dimorphism, which is a hint into our more passive, group-oriented natures, and tool-based problem-solving methods.
Hi there! Ben here, the mentioned partner of Elizabeth who posted the second comment.
I’mma jump straight into schooling, no need to bugger around with “LOVE YOUR BODY” and all that jazz – we’ve all heard it, it’s great stuff, but it’s not what you’re asking.
So first thing’s first.
We have somatotypes – you are definitely “endomorph”. This is a body type that can strengthen easily, but gains (and holds onto!) fat much easier. The reason I say “strengthen” as opposed to “bulk up” is because you have considerable proportionate strength. You are also physically fit – yet you don’t look like Tatum, to use your example (who for reference is a “mesomorph”, the most traditionally desirable of the somatotypes).
It seems to me upon reading this that your goal is more based on having low bodyfat than sheer “size”, seeing as you used Farley as your comparison on that point. I will recommend a basic but guaranteed method – bulk up, then trim down. There are many reasons for this and you probably know most of them. The more of your mass that is made up of muscle, the faster and easier you burn fat. In a related point, to gain muscle, you need to eat A LOT. So you take advantage of your current “size” and no immediate need to trim down, and you start gaining muscle. You sound like you have a solid base, but still look up basic weight-training regimes like 5×5 and “Starting Strength”, and really start gunning it. When you feel you’ve reached a point of “enough muscle” (which you may already be at, and please, PLEASE don’t get unhealthily carried away with it), then you swap. You rebuild your weight-training to be more suited to “cutting” (trimming), and you crack down, and trim all that fat off. What’s left is a damn-fine physique. I won’t go into running through training regimes here because there isn’t enough time, but look into it. Train smart, train hard.
Your diet should be ROUGHLY 40:40:20 Protein:Carbs:Fat. Dispel all the things you think you know about diet – carbs are excellent for gaining muscle. You want plenty, and plenty of protein. Consider shakes and supplements. Eat big, lift big, get big.
When you reach the point you’re happy with (once again, you may already be there), switch to cutting. Up the protein, drop a lot of carbs, and drop a bit of fat. You want to minimise muscle loss but maximise fat loss. You’re going to have to eat as a total less than you “put out”. Revert to a less severe “bulking” (big-eating) diet when you’re comfortable.
Feel free to reply and ask for specifics, my mind is very all over the place at the moment and this quasi-”guide” may be very far from making ANY sense.
I hear you. I work out regularly and have for my entire adult life. I can run long distances and lift heavy weights. I am shorter than average though. I look buff and fit, but I get “taken down a notch” by guys taller than me, which is most guys. Such is life.
Thanks for reading, everyone. Some of you clearly got the point. Others, like Mike and G, did not. I’m not looking for advice on my workout. Nor do I need tips on nutrition and fitness. This is about how guys like me feel they can’t measure up; bombarding us with information like that is extremely counterproductive.
I got your point. You didn’t get mine. I was offering my different perspective about not meeting the stereotypical ideal male body-type because of my height.
You are correct, sorry. Associated your name with another comment.
There was a period of time that I thought like this. I have been skinny-fat most of my life, and there were stretches of months where I would work out 3 hours a day, 6 days a week, and see virtually no improvement. Now I am pretty darn close to that idyllic male body shape and six-pack. Two things changed–I realized how important nutrition is and I monitor my calories, macros, and micros in a moderately OCD manner (I also use the leangains.com dietary approach). Second, I stopped working out so much. I realized that you only need a small (but existent) amount of exercise to be in excellent shape (namely, several heavy weightlifting sessions a week), and learned that a lot of cardio is counter-productive. As I’m sure you know, for strength, go heavy with few sets/reps. For muscle hypertrophy, 3×8-12. I know this article is about questioning the feeling of craving that perfect body, but what I’m trying to say is after years of trying to deal with that feeling, I fixed my routine so that I could have that body and stop worrying about grappling with the feeling.
Alex – and what would you say to people who simply can’t?
Fair question. There are many reasons that people can’t get in the shape they want. If they truly can’t–as in the case of my friends that are disabled by genetics or disease–it is truly a matter of maximizing health with the body you have. I have a friend who contracted West Nile, almost died, and now has permanently reduced lung capacity and physical strength. He may never run a marathon or squat 200 lbs but through good nutrition, he could attain 10% body fat and good conditioning for his potential. I have another friend with a thyroid problem, and she may truly never be thin for reasons outside of her control. I don’t think that means she should give up, but she may have to redefine what success means for her.
These two examples aside, I think many people who believe they can’t get in the shape that they desire, assuming they are normal healthy individuals, are perfectly capable of achieving what they want but are prevented from doing so by various limiting beliefs and pathologies. As I’m sure you know from your studies of fitness and nutrition, you can find a Doctor on the internet who will validate any belief about X exercise or Y diet. I would know–I am myself a victim of such beliefs about, for example, body weight only exercises and raw food dieting (both failures, as far as I’m concerned). I don’t claim to have THE answers, but I believe that people need to find what works for them–it may very well be different than what worked for me. But I do feel strongly that after trying various things that didn’t work for a decade, finding it in myself to keep trying new things until I found what worked was what defined my success.
But what if I had never found it? Well, I’d have had to learn a degree of humility and self-acceptance (inevitable, I think, as any body transformation takes time and patience). And the process would have had to do as satisfying in and of itself. But I have to admit, good results are as rewarding as good process.
BodyRockTV.com (on youtube) = FREE !!
Just 12 minutes per workout….you can make it as intense and sweaty as you like! I’ve incorporated a lot of their moves into my gym routine, but you can do it at home as well…Try it!
There are other things body wise that make people “less of a man.” For me, I have the “ideal” physique, or nearly so. Unfortunately, I also have gynecomastia — breast tissue in men — so while I have an amazing body, I also have noticeable amounts of glandular breast tissue which pretty much ruins the whole thing.
I’m not sure I have much to offer for this topic, but here goes:
“Am I Less Than a Man?”
From the rational point of view, you know that “being a man” has nothing to do with body build; but that doesn’t matter because it’s how you feel about yourself that counts.
Turner, I can easily identify with your anxiety (for lack of a better word). I took up bodybuilding several years ago, and even went to the trouble of hiring a physical trainer at a local 24 Hour Fitness. Today I still work with a trainer and will continue to do so.
I started off being anxious. I started working out in my late fifties. (At first I was concerned that it might be too late for me because of my age — which, fortunately, is not true.) But I also have late onset type II diabetes, which means that I can’t ingest a lot of carbs at one time. And, in addition, about the time I started, I had also come down with a chronic sleep disorder caused only in part by sleep apnea (with which I was diagnosed two years later). I’ve managed to achieve muscular development I had never possessed when I was young. I hope to make a lot more progress, but I think I’ll need to find a nutritionist who has had experience advising diabetic bodybuilders. In the meantime, I’m anxious like you.
Beginning early in their boyhood, most men have been programmed into believing that masculinity is defined by body build. I won’t hesitate to point out that because I’ve gained considerable muscle mass (compared to my physique when I started, which was near scrawny), I have more self-confidence than I’ve ever had before. But that’s just me. I’m not participating in some stupid “alpha male” campaign to show how “superior” I supposedly am to guys whose physique is less attractive than mine. I’m just trying to feel better about myself.
I know what I’m now about to say will sound trite, but I wish more of us men could get past the point of feeling bad about our physiques. The truth of the matter is that real-life heroes come in all sizes and shapes, as do cowards. I’ve mentioned Raoul Wallenberg many times here at GMP and several other websites as well. In case you haven’t heard of him, Wallenberg was a Swedish businessman and civilian diplomat who saved the lives of tens of thousands of Hungarian Jews during World War II. A man of extraordinary courage who repeatedly risked his life to save those whose plight had become hopeless. The man was not particularly attractive physically. He had a skinny build, but he was still a giant. But the fact remains that I wouldn’t want to be skinny.
I’m actually impressed by nonathletic teenage boys who are able to accept the fact that their physiques are not “manly,” but go on with their lives to excel in mathematics or one of the “hard” (empirically speaking) sciences such as chemistry or physics — the much maligned “nerds” and “geeks.” (When I was a teenager, I was never counted among their number.) In a way, they are courageous in that they ignore the conditioning that was imposed upon them by our popular culture. This was something I could not do.
Neither can I
It sounds like the real problem here is actually about specificity: what do you think constitutes a “real man”?
If you think it’s a chiseled physique, then you are probably going about your training wrong. Being fit and being “chiseled” are often very different and require different types of activities to achieve.
It seems like the problem is that you are conflating physical achievement with having a certain physique.
You said you ran marathons, and that’s great. Why isn’t that enough? Aren’t men defined by their accomplishments? A six-pack is an accomplishment, sure, but for most people so is just finishing a marathon. If you have improved on your marathon time through training, isn’t that improvement also an accomplishment?
When I look around I see a vision of masculinity that is defined by all kinds of triumph, not just over your abdominal muscles. Masculinity is about working towards a goal, but what the goal is need not be as important. Aren’t the “titans of industry” a vision of masculinity that has nothing to do with weight training? How many of our presidents have had bulging biceps? Did their lack thereof mean they were less “manly”?
It seems like you’ve achieved a lot already (again, few people can even finish a marathon). Why aren’t your existing triumphs enough? Is it because you never really cared about the marathon time, and just the effect that the marathon would have on your bodyfat? If this is the case, then there’s no shame in it, but you should also be honest with yourself about what you are going to do going forward: stop training for marathons and start working on body sculpting.
But also ask yourself, is bodysculpting really your greatest goal?
Wait, so you talked about all your physical achievements which you acknowledge as definitely being above par for a male, then talk about how as soon as a man with a better physical image (in your opinion) comes along, you get taken down a notch… So people tried to tell you how to fix the part you seem to have a problem with, and you told us we missed the point… What was the point?
Now I’m just straight-up confused… You didn’t even talk about WHY image bothers you how it does, how you think it was taught, how you think it could be taken apart… You just said it did, and then told us how strong you are.
Dude, that’s not the way to write an article.
I’m sorry you feel that way, Ben. Feel free to write a rebuttal to GMP.
In any case, any who responded with fitness tips and advice on becoming more chiseled did miss the point. I could have been more eloquent in explaining my feelings on image, but instead, I chose to whine over what I had accomplished and wondered why I wasn’t getting results.
This was not a call for “do more crunches; eat less; you’re an endomorph.” This was my expressed concern for guys who do achieve a moderate to high level of fitness, yet feel like the world is still centered around that ideal body type.
Obviously “image” isn’t everything but it’s nice to look good. But looks can be deceiving. I have a luxury import in my garage. Looks great, leather seats, all the accessories you can get on car. Problem is that I blew the engine last year.
Doesn’t matter what your body type is, if you’re not healthy you have jack. Looking good generally goes with being healthy but not all the time. I look at “looks” or a “good body” as being a benefit of good health and not the reason to be in good health.
Hey Turner…I’m sure you see this one coming, but here goes…you’re clearly healthy. The “issue” isn’t really what your body looks like. It’s your own perception of your body and what you *think* other people might find important of you. The problem of this wanting, of this desire, is that it will NEVER go away, no matter how chiseled or buff or whatever you get. There will always be someone “better looking”, more cut, taller, etc. You know what the answer is, you’re just having a hard time with it. Acceptance. Contentedness. It’s not your body that you need to focus on, it’s your mind. Here’s a way to get started: Stop watching television, stop looking at magazines that tell you how your body is supposed to look. It’s all about money…there are a lot of people making a lot of money by making sure that you (and the rest of us) stay insecure and scared.