Donald Trump’s comments from 2005, recently released on video, suggest he not only has committed sexual assault, but also views grabbing women “by the p***y” as the casual right of powerful men. That this comes from a presidential candidate is something well beyond disturbing.
Obviously, Trump is not in sync with the vast majority of Americans, especially parents and teachers who want to help young men become… well, the opposite of lewd, crude, and abusive.
The question is: how? It’s a monumental query to answer. But here are some of the best ideas on how we might get started.
- Arm yourself with reality.
Boys today are exposed to an infinite range of ideas, from what’s running on copious cable channels to the sleepless beehive of Internet content. And they now carry all of it around, 24/7, making every moment a potential introduction to not-so-great ideas about women, courtesy of the smart phone.
Beyond technology, other cultural trends are having an impact on young men’s identity, internally and externally. Last year, PEW Research Center released a study showing the rise of religious “Nones.” That is, people who no longer identify with any religion, nor attend church of any kind. With the largest “None” demographic being Generation Y, we can expect this decline in organized religion to continue.
That has an impact on young people, because they don’t learn morality in a vacuum (and how you treat others – including women – most definitely comes from a moral understanding). So if boys no longer get some of that from religion, we will need to…
- Be intentional about teaching character
Parents are the star players here, but schools can also do much more to bring character into the spotlight.
To take one example, this focus on character is one of the distinguishing features of The Boys School of Denver. Their curriculum includes an entire 65-minute daily class devoted to students’ getting to know themselves called BOYS (Be Only YourSelf). During the course of the school year, young men are introduced to a variety of ideas, from the Native American “Circle of Trust,” to the African philosophy of Ubuntu. The focus is always on respecting yourself, which leads to respecting others.
As Head of The Boys School, Nick Jackson, told me in an interview last summer, “From our perspective, boys need to be empowered. They need to learn how to be compassionate, empathetic, relational.”
It may come as a shock to some, this idea that boys are the ones who need to “be empowered.” (I’ll refer back to Tip #1 here, that we inform our steps with reality: boys trail girls academically.)
But in today’s context, it’s quite clear that boys do need to learn that it is okay for them to be kind. It’s good for them to care about their friendships, their families, and all people, women and girls included. And in order to express those traits, empowerment is necessary.
- Go high, but also go deep
I have long wondered why we don’t teach philosophy in middle school and high school. The subject lends itself perfectly to academic goals: critical thinking, history, reading comprehension. It remains a mystery why we’re leaving this out of our subject staples.
Never mind. Teachers can bring philosophical questions into most classes. When I taught about the Holocaust, my students had to discuss all kinds of knotty questions about human nature.
Did bystanders play a role in Nazism’s rise? How large a role? Were they, as Elie Wiesel thought, perhaps more culpable than Nazis themselves? Is indifference indeed the opposite of love?
Were there instances in my students’ own lives where they had seen – or been themselves – indifferent to the suffering of someone else?
And ultimately: what gives a human life meaning? (How much deeper can we get, amirite?)
8th graders discussed these questions with nuance, and extraordinary honesty. I sat, often, in awe of their willingness, and even desire, to figure out how to be better people, how to be “good.” Young men need more of these kinds of opportunities. (Imagine if Trump had been forced to think about women as people, rather than just pretty “things.”)
- Take a page from England’s playbook
In 2010, the GREAT Initiative was founded in England. The charity aims to “tackle the root causes of inequality.” And they’ve extended their focus to include outreach to young men, employing rapper Doc Brown (given name, Ben Smith) to visit schools and raise awareness about systemic sexism.
On one school trip, Smith began by showing that day’s issue of British newspaper The Sun. He pointed to the featured topless woman whose breasts were covered by a sign stating “Hello boys.” And then Smith rightfully pointed out that we would never allow a naked black man to be portrayed in a similar manner. The implicit question: Why do we allow this with women?
Like many men, Smith became acutely aware of societal sexism when he became a father to two young daughters. And he’s willing to take on everyone, from drugstores selling pornography to Justin Timberlake.
It is almost unfathomable to imagine the same strident commitment to treating women equally in the US (we love our celebrities, as Trump has made abundantly clear), but we could start by founding our own GREAT Initiative. It would send a signal that we, as a society, recognize systemic sexism as a real, manifested problem.
And that the actions and attitudes of boys are crucial to fixing it.
- Give young men better role models
It’s no secret that young men often idolize their sports heroes. And that makes the violence of Ray Rice, and other football stars, all the more devastating. Misogyny doesn’t get much more graphic than a muscular athlete punching his girlfriend in the face.
And after this year’s presidential election, boys will be in even greater need of good male examples. A national cleanse from malehood as portrayed by celebrities and politicians might be in order, in any case.
So why not make Frederick Douglass even more of a hero, by highlighting his support of women’s suffrage? Or showcase the NFL players fixing their daughters’ hair? There are plenty of men who know how to treat women: like humans worthy of dignity and respect.
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Helping young men understand how to be in the world, and be good in the world, necessarily entails giving them a foundation in gender equality. That might be an uphill battle against the culture; but it’s a worthy fight.
Because a world in which some humans are treated as less-than is stealing from our sons, as well as our daughters. To accept the status quo is to accept a lie. And all our kids deserve much better than that.
“On one school trip, Smith began by showing that day’s issue of British newspaper The Sun. He pointed to the featured topless woman whose breasts were covered by a sign stating “Hello boys.” And then Smith rightfully pointed out that we would never allow a naked black man to be portrayed in a similar manner. The implicit question: Why do we allow this with women?”
Yet a topless man who wasn’t even covered would be OK.
Given that bullying is most prevalent (as both perpetrators and victims) among demographic groups that tend to support Democrats (citations are legion), shouldn’t we be evidence based and cast aspersions on the character of Barack Obama and Hilary Clinton? Y’all can’t just cite something, decide there is a connection and then roll with it when it is so easy to find academic research that pretty much blows the connection to shreds. I’m sure someone will be along to tell me how bullying among and between children of color is actually the fault of straight white men and Donald Trump. The… Read more »
Correct me if I’m wrong here .. are you saying that the “up tick” in these behaviors is the result of Trump? Seriously? You were around during the Clinton, so I presume you were as “concerned” and vocal about it? Where have you been and why have you been silent when it comes to what’s being promoted in today’s pop music? Where has your voice been when pop artist sexualized demeaning performances on TV? If you’re gonna use Trump as a poster boy for such behaviors, I suggest you start to use Hillary as a poster women for all the… Read more »
Hi Tom, As always, I appreciate your reading and commenting! I was around during the Clinton presidency, but was just an adolescent myself, so a lot of that was lost on me. While the article was sparked by Trump’s comments about women, much of it does focus on the broader culture – i.e., not just Trump – and how to help young men navigate all the negative, false messages they encounter. (In culture too, as you point out). I’ll do a follow-up post that includes some research-based evidence that Trump IS having a unique impact on rates of bullying, especially… Read more »
Minorities, especially black boys are far more likely to engage in bullying behavior than the children of Trump supporters. I know this flies in the face of the GMP party line but lets try to be factual. An “uptick” isn’t all that important if it does almost nothing to reduce the status quo. Please focus on what matters. Is it TRUMP BAD! or is it actually reducing children’s risk of bullyiing?
I should have read your response before I wrote mine. Would have saved me time.
I’d like to add that this perceived “uptick” is not only being applied to Trump but conservatives as well Remember, 1/2 of Trump supporters are deplorable.
I wonder if this “uptick” has anything to do with the DNC staging violence? Of course Biden wanting to take Trump “out back” was no more then his wanting to do some male bonding.
Insane confirmation bias around here… anything negative happens and they tie it to Trump. Not a peep about the recent news around the Clinton foundation or about the FBI re-opening the investigation.
” … but was just an adolescent myself” Sure, rub it in. I’m looking forward to reading what you come up with. I will let you know that I will be interested in the data collection and sources that bring Trump and his antics to the forefront when it comes to bullying, especially against minorities. What bothers me is that Trump has become the focus and even if I give you the benefit of the doubt, the much larger picture and people with far more impact will be left in the shadows. And since you bring up “bullying,” I would… Read more »