Men. We don’t get much respect. You can say “Hi” to a woman and she won’t even look at you. You ask a woman out and she might roll her eyes or even laugh at you. You grab her by the pussy and they call it “sexual assault.”
It’s time we get more respect. And there’s only one way to do it. Earn it.
Call me old-fashioned. How do we earn respect? Simple. We need to make sure women aren’t Scared As Fuck.
Women are scared as fuck. Why? Because they have been paying attention. If aliens came down and did to us the shit we’ve done to women we’d nuke them all. The Inquisition. Mass shootings. All Wars Ever. The Jackass Movies. The fact that “rape and pillage” is a phrase. Sex trafficking. 1 in 5 women are raped. 1 in 4 of them are sexually abused as CHILDREN. Their sex organs are legislated. Even meeting the man of their dreams isn’t safe for women … 72 percent of all murder-suicides involve an intimate partner; 94 percent of the victims of these murder suicides are female. 94 PERCENT. WTF is wrong with us?
It hurts all men because we will never get the respect, trust, or depth of intimacy that we crave as humans until we acknowledge and stop the damage.
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When we don’t speak out against or even acknowledge our part in the atrocities, misogyny, and abuse, women think we either don’t care or are dangerously oblivious. Neither inspires respect. Especially when we are loud and take-charge about everything else in the world. So instead of having lady-boners for you, women are constantly wondering if they need to protect themselves from you.
To add insult to millennia of injury, some guys only engage in the conversation just to deny that any such struggle exists. #NotAllMen #ButMoreLikelyTheOnesWhoSayNotAllMen
This is hurtful … to men. Sure, to women too, but that’s not what this is about (there’s plenty of articles about how damaging we are to women, and that doesn’t seem to inspire us to change.) This is about being a man and getting respect. It hurts all men because we will never get the respect, trust, or depth of intimacy that we crave as humans until we acknowledge and stop the damage. Until we give women reason to stop wondering if we’re going to kill them.
Opening doors for women is a nice gesture but leaves plenty of room for condescension. You’ve probably opened a door for a dog or cat at some point too.
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If you’re ready for some respect, here’s the plan. Respect women the way you want to be respected. Treat them as human because, it turns out, that’s what they are. This includes discouraging disrespect from other men. And let’s stop pretending chivalry and respect are the same thing. Opening doors for women is a nice gesture but leaves plenty of room for condescension. You’ve probably opened a door for a dog or cat at some point too.
Respecting women is about assuming that they are intelligent, capable, and their own person. Somewhere along the way we forgot every lesson that every religion, teacher, parent and even science taught us. The Golden Rule. Karma. Newton’s Third Law of Motion. You get what you give. To get respect you show respect. Here are 10 simple things to remember on how to respect women and make sure they aren’t scared as fuck.
#1 — Don’t rape, kill, or sexually assault them. Like you wouldn’t rape, kill, or sexually assault your guy friends. This includes guilt-tripping them because they didn’t fuck you. That is coercion. If you throw a tantrum because literally nothing happened, what else are you capable of?
#2 — Call out prejudice and stereotyping when you hear it. You’d like that if someone did that for you. You remember the golden rule. Jesus said, “Do unto others as you would have them do to you unless they’re female cos bitches be cray.” No, he didn’t.
#3 — When you hear a friend throw out a sexist remark like “she’s an ugly bitch” respond with something like “that’s subjective and unnecessary unless we’re trying to draw attention to your damage and immaturity.”
#4 — When a guy says, “her lips would do the job” respond with, “She has nice lips but there are many other crucial factors at play when it comes to oral stimulation … like willingness.” I know that’s two in a row on sexist remarks, but the perpetuation of sexist thinking is on the front lines of fucking up our chances so shut the fuck up.
#5 — When a woman is talking, listen and add to the conversation. Like you would your guy friends.
#6 — Assume that women are capable of all the things you are. Like you would your guy friends … until they show they are more or less advanced in any given arena. Whatever you do and however good you are there are several things that countless women out there would do better than you. E.g. Men’s car insurance is higher than women’s for a reason (hint: they’re better drivers than us.) And it was a woman that swam to Cuba for fuck’s sake.
#7 — Assume that all women desire/fantasize about as much sex with as many people as you do. That’s okay. Like it’s okay for you. That includes your wife or girlfriend. Feel lucky that she’s not acting on that because you and I both know she could score much easier than you. If you’re freaking out over her feelings, you’re either being possessive or she’s not a good match for you. So chill out or let her go, just stop being a dick.
#8 — Acknowledge that women have the right to do and feel whatever they want. Like you do. If you don’t like what she thinks or wants, don’t hang out with her.
#9 — You aren’t owed affection. Ever. Not even if you deserve it. If a woman you aren’t interested in sent you wonderful messages every day, you’d have a right to say NO to her marriage requests. Just like if you’re going above and beyond to win the affection of a woman and getting nothing in return, she doesn’t need to step it up, you need to decide whether you want to keep trying or not (even if she’s your wife.)
#10 — Finally, and this is a big one, stop being a prick. A man manlier than you once said, “You can tell the size of the man by the size of the things that bother him.” Let’s get back to that. And not just to look like a badass. Keep yourself calm on the inside too. If something legitimately bothers you, use your words. Discuss it with the right person or people. Figure it out. Get perspective. You’re a meaningless, temporary speck. Enjoy it. Road rage and Twitter wars are for sissy shits who deserve no respect.
Too many of us have let that morph into bravado, self-aggrandizing and entitlement.
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We grew up being taught that manliness is about being rational, reliable, absorbing knowledge from as many sources as possible and putting it to use. Too many of us have let that morph into bravado, self-aggrandizing and entitlement. Too many of us have stopped being manly and only pretend to be. Do you know what fakers get? No respect. Man the fuck up. If you love the ladies, respect them.
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Photo: Getty Images
“Call me old-fashioned. How do we earn respect? Simple. We need to make sure women aren’t Scared As Fuck.” >>> So here’s some hard earned wisdom from the 12 Step community. We learn along the way that we cannot control other people, places or things. That means (in case you a little slow) that we men cannot “make sure” that women are not scared as fuck, or angry as hell, or whatever. We don’t have that power. What we can do is be more conscious that a lot of women are scared, or angry or whatever – and that this… Read more »
The reason many women don’t respect men has nothing to do with the excuses you provide for that behaviour here. It has more to do with the fact that we have been treated as disposable appliances for centuries.
A man who works himself to the bone to provide will still be told it isn’t enough. She will still tell her friends what a deadbeat he is even when he does more than his fair share. She will still tell her friends he is inadequate in bed even when he puts her needs first all the time.
#4 — When a guy says, “her lips would do the job” respond with, “She has nice lips but there are many other crucial factors at play when it comes to oral stimulation … like willingness.” I know that’s two in a row on sexist remarks, but the perpetuation of sexist thinking is on the front lines of fucking up our chances so shut the fuck up. So a guy expresses sexual interest in a woman and you jump straight to assuming he wants to rape her? That’s something I notice in a lot of talk about this issue intent… Read more »
A man making objectifying sexual comments to another man is not “expressing sexual interest”. It’s just about using his sexuality to objectify her. How would you feel about a woman that said to another woman? Let’s say a woman named Becky says, “his wallet would do the job!” And the other woman says one of two things. She could say: ” heck yeah, Becky!” Or she says, “He is worth more than that, Becky. That’s not a cool Way to think about men.” Which woman do you like and respect more?
I’ll split the difference with you. Sometimes it is and sometimes it isn’t. Part of the problem is that there is the belief that any sexual comment (made by a man of course) is inherently objectifying. How would you feel about a woman that said to another woman? Let’s say a woman named Becky says, “his wallet would do the job!” And the other woman says one of two things. She could say: ” heck yeah, Becky!” Or she says, “He is worth more than that, Becky. That’s not a cool Way to think about men.” Which woman do you… Read more »
Danny, in what situations where men are making sexual comments about a woman they are attracted to, to another man, not be sexually objectifying? What is the point in expressing your sexual attraction to another man? I can’t say for sure but I suspect when men talk about women to other men, they are looking to use women to bond with other men over. And that is sexually objectifying. Now if you are saying to your male friend, “I really want to take her out, how do you think I should ask her?” That’s different. But talking about how her… Read more »
See this is what I’m talking about. I have no problem admitting that my previous comment come off sounding like I was saying objectification doesnt exist and I was wrong for that. But at the same time Im still saying that objectification isn’t always the motive behind such comments yet you apparently know more about men than I do despite me being one and you have already decided that the only circumstance a man would comment about a woman is for the sake of objectifying her. So you know what Erin f@ck your attempts at speaking for all men at… Read more »
While women are less likely to make disparaging comments about men’s bodies (but they do), they engage in other forms of casual sexism that most women either deny or don’t think is a problem. The fact that you have never seen it doesn’t mean it doesn’t exist. Here’s one for you. http://www.youandyourwedding.co.uk/real-weddings/real-bride-diaries/bride-to-bes-facebook-post-goes-viral-after-a-total-stranger-shamed-her-choice-of-engagement-ring/22161.html They didn’t just shame this woman, but her husband’s purchasing power. Other examples of casual sexism from women: * (to her partner) Why can’t you buy me a ring / necklace / other jewellery like that? * I just want to find myself a rich man * When… Read more »
C-Bob – Why else do you think I used the example I did? I understand that men are finically objectified. The reality is that most men aren’t going to respect the woman in my scene that is thinking about what his money can do for her. Just like women don’t respect men who think about what their bodies and sexual abilities can do for them. Most men would respect the woman that called out her friend and told her men where worth a lot more than their money. Yes? When I did online dating, I personally never liked the fact… Read more »
What a load of shit, this just boils down to if there were no assholes the world will be a better place. Well guess what, that’s never going to happen… such a naïve and condesending article.
Yeap. There will never be no jerks. That doesn’t mean people don’t change, grow and learn from past mistakes. That doesn’t mean people don’t evolved from doing jerky things to being better people. There are even people who once use to be neo-nazi’s and talk about getting out of that mentality and growing past it and now try to help those they previously tried to control and disrespect. There are stories you can find about men who got out of the neo-nazi lifestyle. If you’re not learning in life, you might as well be dead.
The problem arises when the people getting out of the neo-nazis starts to assume that everyone’s a neo-nazi and start to make sweeping accusations about that.
Believe it or not, but some of us learned in advance.
Or perhaps we are dead because of that.
Love, love, love your manifesto. You expressed a lot of the fears women have about men (even though we love them and want them in our lives)- that most men are clueless about. I am going to share this with the men in my life and hope they finally get it.