When you see yourself in a crowded room Do your fingers itch, are you pistol-whipped Will you step in line or release the glitch Can you fall asleep with a panic switch Silversun Pickups When the drum kicks in at 8 seconds, that’s when I start bobbing my…
Reed My Writing
Dancing mailmen and other assorted nonsense
My daughter is 14. This is stuff I need to know. I was watching the Raiders game on Sunday morning, when it went to commercial. It looked like I was in someone’s house and I noticed the front door was open. Suddenly, Without any warning. The mailman came leaping in the door and proceeded…
Musical Families for $200, Alex
This is what you get when you cross Jeopardy with one of those, “Hardhitting” VH-1 Rockumentaries. The other day I was doing some writing with iTunes in full shuffle mode. About an hour in, I heard Wilson Phillips. A couple songs later, The Wallflowers oozed into my headphones. For some reason, this started me thinking…
Hal Jordan and His Merry Men
I’ll be straight with you. When I saw Van Wilder jacking off a dog, I never imagined the ring would choose him. That was some sick shit. It’s probably obvious from the caption above that I just saw Green Lantern starring Van Wilder hisself, Mr. Ryan Reynolds. Friday late afternoon, I’m chillin in my…
My Two Cents–Penn State
I apologize in advance if this gets, uh, animated. It could possibly be the best 2:38 of your day. Or maybe not. I guess you’ll have to look and find out.
Screw it
“Holy crap. No. I’m not happy. Don’t tell me to screw it.” Wednesday, November 9. 4:37 PM My 14-year-old Drama Queen stays with grandma on Wednesday nights because I do my radio show from 8:00- 9:30, then come back to my studio to knock out 5 Minute…
Douche of the Week–Soccer
All the Euros and soccer honks can sit back down. I’m not dissing the world’s most popular game. Please continue to read and I’m pretty sure you’ll be as appalled as I am. VICTORVILLE, CA: Saturday morning I was on Twitter when @VirtualMom tweeted about her kids soccer games…
The Middle
Live right now. Yeah, just be yourself. It doesn’t matter if it’s good enough for someone else. Saturday morning I was sitting down to see if I could write and, as I often do, I clicked on Pandora. I looked at the screen for a moment and perused my options. “Am I in a 90’s…
Wordless Wednesday–Jesus loves the little children
Leave me your best caption for this picture. P.S. Before you judge me for this, remember that some company made this. A christian bookstore also stocked it and sold it. And some holy roller Christian or devout Catholic…
Breathe
2 AM and I’m still awake, writing a song If I get it all down on paper, it’s no longer inside of me, Threatening the life it belongs to And I feel like I’m naked in front of the crowd Cause these words are my diary, screaming out loud And I know that you’ll use…
Magnificent Moms–Vodka Mom
It was his BALL!! It got all big and purple! Shortly after I began churning out this drivel in December of 2009, I ran across a blog titled, Vodka Mom. Any blog with booze in it’s name has to be worth checking out, so I did. And I…
Return of the vlog
Trust me. You’re gonna wanna watch this. It’s my first VLOG of the year, and with good reason. I have face for radio. If you can’t stand the sight of me, just turn your head for five minutes. We discuss my daughter’s first tennis match, a quick grumble at the BCS, then onto a…
Douche of the Week–Cliff Harris
Way to do your school proud, bro. Go Ducks. I’m gonna cut straight to the heart of the matter. University of Oregon cornerback Cliff Harris is one ignorant son of a bitch. This Duck is fucked. [Did ya like what I did there? He’s a U of O Duck. And he’s fucked. For real.]…
Yo, check it out…
Peace out my Peeps. What’s up my peeps and homies? It’s not a secret that the last 12 months have been tough on me both financially and medically and the blog content has suffered because of it. That shit is over! I’m making a renewed commitment to make this the kick-assinest…
Secret Agent Man
Grab a cocktail and enjoy. The daily grind is much quieter now that Jesus moved to a location that should triple his tailoring business. There are times I like it and times I don’t. When I remember the times he rolled back in after work with a…
Attack of the masturbating chimp
“Oh my God! The little bastard just went for my nuts!” Dick Booster Wednesday night’s radio show was decent. I think last week was better, but we’ve had worse. It was on OK show. Until 9:27 PM. That’s when it became really funny. At 9:27 PM our friend Dick Booster called in. He told…