Note to parents: We don’t care how “busy” you are. Stop texting each other at the dinner table.
This story bothers me to no end.
If you don’t want to click the link, let me summarize: A growing number of parents are relying almost exclusively on text messages, e-mails, and instant messages to communicate “secretly” so little ears don’t pick up on it. From the woman in the passenger seat of a car texting her husband in the driver’s seat so she doesn’t wake up a sleeping child, to the couples who schedule sex through texts and e-mails, these parents claim this kind of electronic communication is a “complete parental survival tool.”
This, of course, is complete bullshit.
Now, I fully admit to loving me some technology. I have a Blackberry I check constantly. I’m permanently attached to my laptop while I’m at home. I’m forever on Twitter, Facebook, and tending to the blog. And I seriously considered selling my son to the highest bidder in order to purchase the new Droid Incredible.
But relying almost exclusively on non-verbal communication is detrimental to a relationship. Think about it.
First, the very thought of texting my wife while we’re in the same house is stupid. Don’t get me wrong—I’m not talking about a flirtatious text that leads to something romantic later. That’s great and should be encouraged. I’m talking about the ridiculousness of texting her while we’re under the same roof if we have anything of consequence to say to each other. Let’s face it, you can’t always project sarcasm or tone in a text. People often end up incorrectly interpreting texts and e-mails, which often leads to misunderstandings.
Second, did you read the remarks from the pretentious parent in the story who ramps up his vocabulary to confuse his kids? If he’s thinking about going out for ice cream, he’ll say to his wife, “Should we give the elder a frozen confection?” Obviously this yuppie pseudo-intellectual is completely full of himself, because if I use that language in front of my son, Will, I want to help him understand what all the words mean. I don’t want to be a secretive douchebag who feels smug about outsmarting a little kid. To this moron I say, “I fully intend to showcase my pugilistic proficiencies on your visage.”
And finally, we get to the paragon of motherhood who admits that when she has something important to talk to her husband about, she bribes her kids with a $1 bill to leave the room. Something she may regret in the future when her little darling is dangling from a stripper pole, feverishly collecting $1 bills and the attention she never got as a kid.
I know some of this is exaggeration, but I really do think the lack of face-to-face communication between spouses can have serious consequences. Can you imagine sending a text to your wife from another part of the house that says “Depressed lately, thinking about quitting job” or even worse, “i don’t think u & i r working. TTFN.”
Parents never have enough time, and no doubt we rely on texts that say “can you pick up a gallon of milk?” and “running 15 minutes late.” That’s fine. But talking about complex issues that directly affect a marriage via e-mail or instant message? That’s messed up. It also sets what I believe is an awful example for our kids, as the spoken word and face-to-face conversation are quickly being phased out of our lives by ever-expanding technology.
By the way, I’m on the couch and I figured I’d try this out on my wife, MJ, who’s in the bedroom fifteen feet away from me. I texted “How bout a little sumpin sumpin?” She said, and I quote, “If you wanna talk to me get your sorry ass in here and talk to me. Why the hell are you texting me you lunatic?”
See? If MJ had texted me her response, I would’ve never been able to enjoy the scorn and derision in her voice. I guess we’re old fashioned.
I love this post! I’m printing it out.
We still use the spell it out method around here, if the little ones can’t know we are going for the ice cream yet or if the older ones are asking for the ice cream they spell it too.
I can’t even stand when other people tell me they are watching a movie with their kids but are locked into their phones. Yes, you are present in the room but you are not watching a movie with your kids.
Well I’m not married. I don’t have kids to worry about, but I have used digital means to communicate with family, even when staying under the same roof. In my case, though, I was trying to deal with a father who was emotionally distant to the point of freezing, and every single verbal exchange we’ve ever had was basically small-talk. We don’t so much talk *to* eachother as *at* eachother, and 21 years later, I’m feeling the effects of that. Which was why, when we were still living in the same house, I’d compose emails instead of conversations. It’s a… Read more »
My wife and I have been known to use IM to bridge communications from floor to floor like a modern day intercom:
Tim: Dinner will be ready in 5
Jen: Be right down
Jen: Can you open a bottle or red
Tim: ummmmm….yes.
I’m on-board with this cause. As a self-confessed social junkie, I spend a good amount of time keeping up with friends online – twitter, facebook, et al – but I’ve started to notice how many people are turning into social zombies. They are sharing so much about what they’re doing online that they aren’t actually doing anything. Two people sitting at a table in silence, each staring at a smart phone. Random passersby blankly staring at a 2″ screen as they walk wherever. The virtual world – where one can connect and communicate with others around the world from his… Read more »
I have to admit that my wife and I have used this system to keep our kids from knowing plans. Nothing important, mind you, but things like should we go for ice cream later. If my wife and I talk about it, the kids will get excited over ice cream before the plans are even made. If we spell it, our 6 year old will figure it out and blab to the 3 year old. So we text it to avoid prying ears. We’ve also been known to DM each other on Twitter while in different rooms at night (shouting… Read more »