I wrote an article about the loneliest experience you can go through.
Sadly, it seems a lot of people feel lonely. It is an epidemic.
So, in this article, I want to cover a few practical, somehow-easy tips that will help you feel less alone.
Those tips hit the root of loneliness, which is not feeling understood. In more accurate words, not feeling as if you belong.
We will have tips on two areas.
- Your social and communication skills (obviously)
- Your lifestyle.
Some tips are short-term, and some are medium- to long-term.
I will briefly explain them.
I will not go into deep detail regarding each tip. But, I will provide you with enough guidance for why this tip can help you and how to start implanting it.
By the way, there is one last area I will not cover here because it needs an article of its own.
It is about the deep insecurities that keep us lonely. So, if the below tips did not help, you need to address the deep abyss of the insecurities that keep you lonely. I will link it here once it is published.
Social/communication skills
These tips will help you build your social/communication skills in a way that will help you elevate feelings of loneliness.
#1 Stop complaining
One of the quickest ways to make people avoid you is to become a complainer.
Even the people who love you will start avoiding you when you over-complain.
Here’s the first rule to overcome loneliness. Don’t do things that make people avoid you.
You don’t want to be a person that people don’t want to spend time with.
And people will be less excited or willing to spend time with you if you are a complainer. Negativity is not an attractive quality at all.
It stinks.
People will avoid people who smell bad and have bad hygiene. And when it comes to social life, people will avoid you if all you talk about is negative. You need mental hygiene.
You need to stop complaining and understand how it repels people.
I am not asking you to repress your feelings and internalize them.
You can still talk about your bad emotions. But don’t cross that fine line between sharing your difficulties and complaining.
#2 Don’t be afraid or repealed by small talk
I know you want to talk about deep things.
And I know you don’t have the energy to engage in mundane, boring conversations about the weather or the traffic.
Introverts, especially, are drained by small talk.
Intellectual people also are. Now, an introvert and an intellectual person will naturally dislike small talk.
And generally, small talk doesn’t engage us to the fullest, something we need to combat loneliness.
But think about it.
Small talks are important.
You need them.
Strangers don’t become best friends instantly.
And usually, you don’t create intimate bonds with people right off the bat.
They build a certain amount of trust that can enable you to form a relationship.
Without it, some close relationships would never be formed in the first place.
You need time.
You need to warm up.
And you need those small talks to break the ice and get to know the person. Relationships don’t become close right away.
Plus, even if you kept having small talk, the level of this superficial relationship will serve you.
You will have more connections; therefore, your social circle can expand to reach people with whom you can form deeper relationships.
Don’t underestimate the ability to have small talk.
#3 Develop your listening skills so you can understand people
This works, especially if you are an introvert.
People love to tell you who they are.
Remember, we all yearn to be understood and unseen.
So, make use of this fact.
Listen to people. Let them tell you who they are. Let them tell you their stories and really listen.
People will surprise you with what they can tell you if you just listen.
It takes practice.
Listening is not just hearing and nodding your head along.
It’s a deep practice that makes the other person feel seen heard, and understood. And it makes you more understanding and wiser.
Understanding is the most important thing.
Listen to understand. Give people the precious gift of being understood. Watch how magically it can transform the relationship.
Here is a guide that will help you become a better listener:
#4 Ask people for small favors
I learned this one from Dr. Jordan Peterson.
This works well with collegus or neighbours.
Those people you have small talks with, for example.
And it can be applied to almost all other relationships, including strong ones. It can give them a boost.
Ask people for small favors. You know, something small they can easily do.
Why is that?
First, they will have a reason to ask you for a favor when they need one.
And that’s good.
A reciprocal relationship where there’s a certain level of trust is a good relationship to have.
Second, it will help you develop the skill of asking for what you want and need.
Let’s talk about that.
#5 Ask people for what you want from them, assertively
Do not assume that people can read minds.
Do not assume that if they care about you, they should know without you having to ask.
No.
If you want something from someone, go and ask them.
And generally, if you want anything in life, ask.
Do not passively sit here and complain about how people are not giving you what you want and need.
It’s either that you are asking in the wrong way or are asking the wrong way.
Change that.
But the most important factor is developing this mentality of actively going after what you want and asking for it.
Asking doesn’t mean begging, by the way. And it doesn’t mean being selfish or self-centered.
Asking means being serious about the things you want and going after them.
You ask/go for them assertively, with dignity, ask the right people, and ask in the right way.
You will be amazed by what people can give you if you ask.
Lifestyle
These tips will help you create a life where you are less likely to feel lonely.
#6 Get a pet
I don’t know what it is about pets that improves your mental health.
But it works. It might now work for everyone, but it’s something to consider.
Especially if you live alone.
Get a cat or a dog. Or whatever you like. I am a cat person, so I will recommend getting a cat.
It works.
Those beautiful souls can lessen your loneliness and be there for you when no one is.
#7 Get some sunlight
Here is a suggestion.
Have a walk early in the morning.
It is important to get some sunlight every day. Your mood (and health) will thank you.
It is one of the things that can reduce depressive symptoms and lift your mood.
And when it comes to your lifestyle, it’s an essential piece of advice.
So, have a walk.
Go to a place where you are likely to be around some people. Go to the park. The beach if you can.
Nature and people. That is what you want to have where you go.
Walk and get your daily dose of sunlight. Make some eye contact here and there.
And maybe dare to open a conversation and have small talk.
All in all, just having a walk while getting some sunlight will improve your mental health (and physical health, too).
That will indirectly influence your desire to connect with others and the probability that you will speak to someone (being outdoors).
Do not underestimate it.
#8 Join a community and do something you care about
This one is obvious, yet many people seem to ignore it.
When I dropped off college, my social life got a hard hit.
I was not a social butterfly anyway, but I used to get my fair share of human connection.
Given that I no longer go to college, and given my change of plans for my future, unlike my friends, I felt alienated.
At the same time, I wanted to work on my social skills.
So, I joined a center for learning another language. I ended up socializing daily, doing public speeches, and learning skills I am interested in.
It was a great alternative to the social life I had in college, plus I learned things I genuinely care about.
So, find something you are interested in.
And join classes. Join a community.
It could be another language, learning a skill, yoga classes, a gym, martial arts, or whatever.
Toastmasters is a great choice, especially if you want to develop your social skills.
Just find what you are interested in and join a community of people doing it.
You will find many communities, classes, and institutes. Just Google it. You will find something.
#9 Stop having things delivered to you and go down and get them
This one is simple and might sound trivial.
But seriously, do it.
Do not order groceries.
Dress up, get down, and go around the supermarket and buy your things.
Walk. Look people in the eye. Be in a crowd. Smile at the cashier. Ask for directions just for the sake of asking.
Make someone’s day if you can.
Those people in the cashiers and restaurants usually work long shifts.
Small gestures can make their day, which will make yours in return.
One day, I went to get tea. I went to a cafe nearby our office.
The guy was obviously stressed out, and the customers in front of me were not that nice.
I worked at a call center, so I know how it feels to be treated like you do not exist.
So, I stepped up to the guy, told him I wanted a cup of tea, and asked him, genuinely, how he was doing.
His facial expressions went from surprise to happiness in less than 3 seconds.
He smiled and said he was doing fine. He served me the best cup of tea I ever had.
And until the day I left that place, that guy would always greet me with respect and enthusiasm.
But, again, remember, I could have ordered that cup of tea, avoided eye contact with the delivery guy, and made my day and his worse.
I could have ordered it! Think about it again.
#10 Meditate
Ok, I cannot think of any direct benefit meditation can have on your social life.
But I am a total beginner. I only started meditating a few months ago. And I am not even that consistent with it.
So, if anyone more experienced can point out a direct benefit, please go ahead.
However, the main reason I suggest meditation is the same reason I suggested getting sunlight.
It will improve your mental health.
Meditation will make you calmer, more focused, and, in my opinion, more confident.
Moreover, it will help you regulate your emotions in a better way, making you understand them better.
That, in turn, will help you have better mental health and self-understanding.
And this will indirectly help you socialize better and connect with other people instead of being uptight or in your head.
Anything that will improve your mental health will indirectly help you connect better with others. And vice versa.
Connecting meaningfully with others will, in turn, improve your mental health. So, it is a win-win.
—
This post was previously published on medium.com.
***
You may also like these posts on The Good Men Project:
White Fragility: Talking to White People About Racism | Escape the “Act Like a Man” Box | The Lack of Gentle Platonic Touch in Men’s Lives is a Killer | What We Talk About When We Talk About Men |
—
Photo credit:Ahmed Nishaath on Unsplash